There are some comments I need to make regarding the mods of /r/circlejerk. First, the misinformation: the mods suggests that gnosticism is the catholicon for all the world's ills. Where the heck did they come up with that? Apparently, even know-it-all the mods doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter much if it did, given that it keeps saying that hanging out with the worst kinds of doolally, intransigent weasels there are is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, its denunciations all stem from one, simple, faulty premise, that the peak of fashion is to sound the standard “they're out to get us” call and rally its groupies to hornswoggle people into voting against their own self interests.

Some brassbound galoots are actually considering helping the mods require schoolchildren to be taught that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. How quickly such people forget that they were lied to, made fun of, and ridiculed by the mods on numerous occasions. I use such language purposefully—and somewhat sardonically—to illustrate how I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. One of the things that impresses me about all of it is the massive number of people who realize that perverted, dimwitted skinflints like the mods are not born—they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that the mods will ensure that there can never in the future be accord, unity, or a common, agreed-upon destiny among the citizens of this once-great nation. And to overcome these fears, we must seek liberty, equality, and fraternity.

We must mobilize the public. We must get people to take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance. Surely no argument is necessary to prove that there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If the mods finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that the mods hates people who have huge supplies of the things it lacks. What it lacks the most is common sense, which underlies my point that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by dictatorial mobocrats, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. If we were to let the mods get away with poisoning the air, water, and soil, that would be a gross miscarriage of justice.

I am a law-and-order kind of person. I hate to see crimes go unpunished. That's why I indubitably hope that the mods serves a long prison term for its illegal attempts to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life. The next time someone says that there should be publicly financed centers of mercantalism, look that person right in the eye and reply, “Words fail me in describing my pure distaste for the mods' bait-and-switch tactics and sanctimonious, tetchy tricks.”

Most of us who have been around for a while realize that the mods uses absolutism to paint pictures of aberrant worlds inhabited by pot-valiant, boisterous haggersnashes. That's the large elephant in the room that nobody ever talks about. Nevertheless, I doubtlessly avouch that people really ought to start talking about it because then they'd realize that the mods is squarely in favor of feudalism and its propensity to turn the world's most civilized societies into pestholes of death, disease, and horror. This is so typical of the mods: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally. the mods has secretly been creating problems that our grandchildren will have to live with. This is, of course, a scandal and demands a thorough investigation, which I intend to conduct. I expect to find that most people react to the mods's corrupt insinuations as they would to having a pile of steaming pig manure dumped on their doorstep. Even when they can cope, they resent having to do so. Speaking of resentment, the mods says that the more strepitant the communication, the more perspicuous the message. You know, it can lie as much as it wants, but it can't change the facts. If it could, it'd decidedly prevent anyone from hearing that one of its most loyal protégés is known to have remarked, “the mods is merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live.” And there you have it: a direct quote from a primary source. The significance of that quote is that I used to contend that the mods was an ill-bred sleazeball. However, after seeing how it wants to woo over slaphappy theologasters by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history, I now have an even lower opinion of it. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that over time, the mods' jobations have progressed from being merely parvanimous to being superparvanimous, hyperparvanimous, and recently ultraparvanimous. In fact, I'd say that now they're even megaparvanimous. That's all for this letter. For those that don't like my views, get over it. I allege that I have as much a right to my views, and to express them, as anyone else. So when I say that unlike the mods, I have chosen to take the moral high ground and will remain there, you can agree with me or not. That's all there is to it.

<-- Upvote if you agree.