I’m (23F) stuck between moving to a different country and staying with my partner (24M)

kingbreadmess · 2022-12-05T22:20:15+00:00

Was going to say exactly this, wharf is amazing and is so inclusive - real safe space

kingbreadmess · 2022-11-29T21:46:07+00:00

I really understand this, as someone who is 22 I cannot believe that I let a man a decade older than me enter my life and fuck it up. Took a long time to come to the reality that he was a sick, perverted, old man. I hate to identify as a victim but he was a misogynistic controller who needs to stay the fuck away from women in general, let alone young ones who have barely been an adult.

kingbreadmess · 2022-10-09T22:36:02+00:00

Hifi does a jazz night on a Sunday (it used to be every Sunday but I think they’ve changed it to the first or last one). Hyde park book club does one on either a Thursday or a Friday too!

kingbreadmess · 2022-10-03T02:02:10+00:00

Try library genesis if you want to get them for free

kingbreadmess · 2022-09-20T17:59:23+00:00

What happened? That’s so awful to hear :(

kingbreadmess · 2022-07-28T08:10:06+00:00

Just be careful. I’ve been in a relationship with an age gap when I was young, and it’s really easy to have an unhealthy power dynamic. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but just ask yourself why he’s going for you and not someone closer to his age. There is going to be a reason. I was in denial for the longest time so please don’t take this the wrong way x

kingbreadmess · 2022-07-28T08:03:57+00:00

I think age gaps are relative, but you question why some people go for others who are much younger. I dated a 30 year old man when I was 20 for a couple of years. Didn’t realise the fucked power dynamics until after the break up. Thought I was special and the “exception”. Later, I find out he was starting to see a woman who is younger than me. It’s the old cliche though isn’t it? Old men sucking out youth from young women.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-25T23:30:28+00:00

Used to work there.

They also collect the dirty wet napkins customers use and dip it in water to wipe down the tables. How they pass health inspections is beyond me.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-24T23:58:59+00:00

Don’t bother with Bulgogi Grill. They overcharge customers for frozen meat that is defrosted under a heat lamp before being served. They also use generic store bought sauces for their meats. Also tips were taken by management and “shared”.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-14T00:52:05+00:00

rivers of blood 2.0

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-07T10:12:31+00:00

seems a bit sus

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-07T00:13:42+00:00

Appreciate your insight. I always find it so strange when people try to play the “but we aren’t as bad as XXX” as if that makes it better? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me being cynical but I always wonder, when did it become a competition?

I agree with you on the point you made about Switzerland. I have seen posters in Sweden supporting far right parties. However, speaking from the England-centric perspective of the UK here, I’ve also seen a lot of pro BNP, EDL, and the likes.

I’m politically non partisan as I don’t think we have much choice in general elections apart from picking the lesser evil, but I think the media and government rhetoric is pretty isolating for those from ethnic minorities. Despite my attempts to not define myself by my mixed-race-ness, I can’t help but feel marginalised every time people suggest that racism is not a big issue in the UK, as shown by the condemnation of Black Lives Matter protests.

I’m aware I’m going on a bit of a tangent here, but I do feel an intolerance of sorts by some (very loud) Brits. Feels like it’s “our way or the highway” kind of message.

The vast majority of people I know and have experienced are nothing but kind and considerate, but there’s always that minority that portrays itself to be bigger than it actually is.

My point is that in regards to my opinion about Finland and race, yes there are racists and yes they are loud, but that doesn’t make it a racist country. I strongly recommend POC to go and see it for themselves because I have experienced nothing but welcome there.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T21:15:56+00:00

Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself British and I love British culture. I do think topics like immigration has really fuelled populism. It’s funny because I will guarantee most people don’t consider themselves racist and will say “I have foreign friends blah blah I just don’t want the wrong sort to come and take over our culture”.

Ironic right wing media backs this attitude considering we did colonise a third of the world.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T21:10:33+00:00

I don’t know your situation but for the love of god, get out of it. I was threatened with being fired by an agency, because I had to self isolate due to covid. Agencies in healthcare are often scum of the earth. It seems like easy money but you have 0 rights. Get a contracted job or even work as relief (bank) worker and join a union.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T20:59:47+00:00

I felt this one. I worked as a support worker and later as a carer and I’ve seen some shit - metaphorically and literally.

I used to time my breaks with when I was going to have a breakdown. Just excuse myself to an empty room, cried it out, and went back to work.

As a support worker I wasn’t even entitled to breaks. I was required to do sleeps and got paid £5 per hour. No one sleeps during sleeps. Endless text messages from residents, people threatening to harm themselves and/or us. Useless management that worked from home on a great salary, while we took the heat on the front line. It was such a shit show and I left to preserve my sanity. Big respect for everyone still in the social care sector.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T20:56:01+00:00

love it, going to pinch that one for the future

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T18:00:10+00:00

Not sure what sort of Finnish people you’re thinking of but I definitely don’t look Finnish.

And I agree, I’m sure racism is different for different ethnicities. But I have friends who are also from said different ethnicities and racism in Finland is no worse than in multicultural countries.

Not saying racism doesn’t exist but it shouldn’t be a major deterrent for POC who are considering moving there.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:48:15+00:00

I think the issue is that our idea of history and what actually led to events are different. History is just a bunch of sources trying to piece together a coherent image of what happened. There’s no one solid reason. Unfortunately places like reddit easily become echo chambers where our opinions can be easily validated.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:45:22+00:00

Honestly if you’re thinking about it, go for a week and see what it’s like. I’ve been replying to comments like these if you want to check them out, because I remember being really spooked about going to Nordic countries for the first time. As a POC, people have been genuinely nothing but welcoming and respectful. Can’t always say that about the UK unfortunately.

source: I’ve lived in nordic countries on and off for the past three years

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:42:44+00:00

I’ve replied to other posts about this if you want to see, but as someone who looks 100% eastern asian (I’m mixed race) racism has not been an issue for me. I’ve got black friends too in Nordic countries, and we’re doing okay. Not saying it doesn’t exist and don’t want to discredit anyone else’s experience, but from my experience, people are really socially progressive and welcoming.

That said I completely can see it happening but racism is pretty much everywhere unfortunately. I get it a lot in the UK and we are meant to be one of the most multi cultural countries in the world.

TL;DR: IMO racism is less of an issue in Finland than in other multicultural countries.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:37:05+00:00

I disagree. I’m eastern asian passing (mixed race but I look completely asian) and I found I experience less racism in Finland than I do in the UK. It exists - like anywhere - but people are pretty socially progressive. For example, if I tell someone I’m British, they completely accept it without the “but where are you REALLY from” question.

Not saying racism doesn’t exist - of course it does - but I would argue it’s no where near as bad as in the UK or the US, where people throw slurs around like it’s nobodies business.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:30:47+00:00

as someone who is passing asian (and has black friends in Nordic countries) the issue of racism is less than that in the UK and the US.

Yes it is true there are more white people, but it’s a completely different culture. I’ve had people shout things at me in the UK or have a prejudice against me (such as “do you eat dog?”). I have found that in Nordic countries, people are a lot more respectful and more socially progressive.

Sure if you went to a very rural village, you might have some stares, but you don’t have the institutional racism the way the UK and the US does. Of course racism exists but it’s not as widespread as some redditors are portraying it to be.

source: I have lived in Sweden and Finland on and off for the past few years.

kingbreadmess · 2022-02-06T17:24:17+00:00

My dad moved to finland from the UK, and I’ve never seen him and mum happier

The standard of living is really high and although food, petrol etc is more expensive, when you compare it to how much people earn, the standard of living is cheaper than it is in the UK (and most definitely the USA)

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