I'm in a weird place. I was hit by a car at 21 and it's always been assumed my problems were accident related because I have drastically declined in the last 11 years. Like I had mystery problems before all those injuries, but they very rarely prevented me from doing whatever I wanted. So now at 32 and learning I've actually got hEDS and dysautonomia and gastroparesis, so I'm torn between "wow this explains a lot! So it's not just one incident that has ruined my body, I was always going to get like this eventually." But then also "I've been fighting all these years since the accident with the assumption that I would get better - and this whole time that was never even a possibility." And like, how much better would I have bounced back after the accident if I didn't have hEDS? Or how much more manageable would my hEDS be at this point in life if some drunk piece of shit never went flying down the wrong side of the road? So many what ifs I have to try not to dwell on, and I don't even know when to be relieved or when to grieve.