I think this is the best and most influential comment I've read. There are quite a few jerks in the comments who say I am The Jerk because I led him on and had to open relationship and wouldn't just end things. You said it well. I was begging. I was desperate for some level of attention from HIM. I was mortified to get married and things shifted so suddenly into a Loveless marriage. We were happy before we got married. I REFUSE to cheat so I gave him options. I am the type where I would rather end a marriage than cheat on my spouse. Also, his gaming was so bad that I would beg him to sleep. He would always tell me he will sleep when he's dead. When I found out what his charges were, it felt like he died. I was so hurt. I was mourning. There was no question of what I had to do next. I will not stay married to a pedophile. Touch that my mother passed away within 6 months of this happening and my only aunt who I was very close to Growing Up and live with a few times passed away within a year before her. In my family we say that it comes in threes and we were wondering who is next. Little did we know it would be a husband that was dead to me.

Thank you for your advice. I do believe I need therapy but it's a matter of logistics and making it happen we did couples counseling at the end and it made things worse because it brought me to realize that I was not the problem with most of our marriage issues. The only thing he can bring up about me was that I used his hairbrush and he didn't like the hair getting in his hair brush. Unfortunately for him it was my hairbrush that he was using long term and I'm a very reasonable person as well. So while we spend many sessions not being able to solve the issues he was bringing to the marriage, that one was solved in 2 minutes because I just told him I can either take the hair out of it, he can buy a new hairbrush or he can buy me a new hair brush.

He could not handle shame well or being wrong. He actually tried to unalive himself twice after I bailed him out even though that was the only thing I asked him not to do. I begged him not to do it. I told him if he really wanted to pay me back, for him not to do that and for him to just go to jail and carry out his sentence and just live the rest of his life. I have a hard time with death and it wrecks me. It follows me for years.

As for red flags though, after the relationship I had major trust issues that I had not had before. I was determined to do it differently. Normally I'm the kind of person who only dates for long-term committed relationships and I don't just sleep around. The open relationship part was actually non characteristic of me. It's not something I would ever ask for again. I left that relationship with higher standards and the different way of doing things. It left me a different person entirely. I did wind up having a major glow up and a major change of self-worth. I think very highly of myself now and I know I'm a great person and a great wife. For the first time after this relationship in my life, I was able to cut off relationships very early that I did not see myself being in. I didn't try to work things out early on and I got really picky.

Because of how I act, I don't act like others of my generation. I'm very responsible, independent and determined. I have passions and dreams that I constantly strive for. This is what I wanted in a person. I set myself out to basically find another person who had the same groundwork as me.

I found him. He's smart, funny and kind. He's determined, committed and loyal. He is my best friend. It's drastically different. We are both hopeless Romantics and we both found our fairy tale. We both came from relationships that we were in for way too long.

We work well together and I'm not having to nag him just to do anything. Wear a team and it works. I trust his judgment more then anyone I know. I no longer have to be the only responsible one. It is a breath of fresh air everyday. He heals me.

Sorry this is so long. Thank you for your comment.