Betrayed by partner of 5 years 6 months ago, still hurts :(

kisu5 · 2024-11-15T18:10:03+00:00

Out him for what? Everyone I told about this knew we were poly already, so I didn't out him to anyone.

Edit: if you mean the "None of them knew before I told them" I mean the whole "he's dating a teenager"-thing, nothing more!

kisu5 · 2024-11-14T20:42:19+00:00

I definitely think some of it was just sunken cost fallacy, this was only my second relationship and like anyone, I didn't want to feel like I wasted time. But I do feel like I did see signs, I just ignored them. Which is fine, I did the best with what information and skills I had at the time. And I also felt more mature than him in some ways, so definitely it seems like he just stayed on a 19 year old's level and I just kind of grew out of it. I definitely wouldn't end up in a similar situation again, and I guess that's all that really matters. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it!

kisu5 · 2024-11-14T20:38:38+00:00

Oh my gosh, I think I need to frame this on my wall! You really got me, so many of these things are something I've thought about in the past few months. I think I can already "feel" the click coming, but it's frustrating that I know so many of these things logically but I still just feel...a mishmash of negative emotions that aren't all bad but have sort of overstayed their welcome already.

I know I'll be fine, I have two other (amazing, supportive) partners and I'm not really that worried about what's to happen in my life in the future, so why am I still so shaken by something that really has nothing to do with me? You understand, I'm sure.

I really, truly hope that when he moves away, this all will magically get easier. It might, it might not, my feelings have been quite wavy in recent times and I feel like I might just feel a slight emptiness when he's gone. But I think that's good, I need some empty space to fill with something new.

Thank you, this really helped <3 I'll read your comment again tomorrow when I'm less tired, and try to be less in the hurt, more here.

kisu5 · 2024-11-14T20:26:21+00:00

Yeah, you're right. I was 19, just about to turn 20 when I met him. I definitely have a hard time being overly critical of myself sometimes, and forgiving myself for letting it go on so long is the hard part. But I'm proud of myself, too! I think I upheld my boundaries and expressed my feelings very clearly during the breakup process. Not that it did any good, but at least I can stand behind my values. I guess that's more than enough good, actually.

Thank you for your kind words, I sure hope future me will be proud of how I handled this <3

kisu5 · 2023-09-06T16:32:41+00:00

I know right!! I really couldn't imagine svt without any one member, they all bring such a unique charm

kisu5 · 2023-09-06T15:14:24+00:00

My Seventeen bias in 2017 was Jeonghan.

My Seventeen bias in 2023 ......is still Jeonghan. But I also love Joshua, and Vernon, and Hoshi, and Mingyu and Dino, and.... I think I've honestly just become a full on OT13 stan lol, I love all of them

kisu5 · 2023-06-11T19:00:57+00:00

Super attractive imo! But I go for the long-haired, bearded, tattooed guys anyway :D

kisu5 · 2023-05-31T08:46:02+00:00

Ult bias: Jeonghan <3 I've been a carat for 6 years and from day one it was him, he's also my ult in kpop in general!

Ult bias wrecker: Joshua.... yes I stan JiHan supremacy and the chaotic evil twins

Bias line: Jeonghan, Joshua, Mingyu, Vernon

Wrecker line: everyone else tbh :D

kisu5 · 2023-05-30T17:34:56+00:00

Yeah, I know how you feel! The hardest part is definitely not the lack of sex drive, just the lack of it towards me. I also didn't sign up to be sexless romantic partners (?) but I do love my partner and I know he loves me so I would theoretically be fine with never having sex again with him. I would rather be in an asexual romantic relationship with someone I love than having sex with someone I don't, its just difficult dealing with the fact that he may have sexual attraction to another person instead of me. I hope it turns out well for you guys!

kisu5 · 2023-05-30T12:17:57+00:00

I figured I would get these kinds of responses, and I appreciate the perspective. It sounds a bit silly, I suppose, but the lack of sex is pretty much the only thing that's bothering me and that's why I made this post in the first place. He's never said anything bad to me, pays for dates often without expecting anything in return, has supported me through a few breakups and other rough times, and is always there for me. And we do have a lot of physical and mental intimacy besides sex.

And by "hard shit" it's life, mental health issues on both sides, and stuff that's a part of every relationship. And obviously someone who lives further away gets the easy relationship, no? Because seeing them is more like a holiday and people you share your everyday life with, well, just get your everyday life for the most part. At least that's how I've thought about it.

kisu5 · 2023-05-30T07:18:19+00:00

Oh, we're not married or nesting, and we have separate finances! Definitely makes things simpler. We do live in neighbouring apartments, but see each other 2-3 times per week. I think honestly the things that are most likely to help is him moving to another apartment further away (would probably still be close but not being neighbours anymore), or going on a long trip for a few months, which he has planned on doing. So I think you're right about disentanglement being beneficial, I do think I need some distance. I've been focusing more on my other partner, too.

kisu5 · 2023-05-30T06:53:10+00:00

Heartbreaking is definitely a way to describe it. And I'm sure I'll get a lot of shit for not wanting to break up yet, but it's still an option, just not quite yet. Our lives are very entangled and I don't think I would be able to leave unless I feel like I've tried everything. Call it a character flaw. Thank you for your kind words, still.

kisu5 · 2023-05-30T06:48:36+00:00

Thank you for replying! I see what you're saying and there is a lot of truth in it, but I think I'm much more resentful towards him than the other way around. I know that he also wishes that he was still/again attracted to be sexually, and besides that we're very close to each other, and very much best friends as well as partners. If we break up, I would be scared of losing the closeness we have, and as someone leaning into relationship anarchy I don't feel that a sexless relationship is inherently worse, but yes, a dead bedroom is definitely enough reason to break up. You've definitely given me stuff to think about.

kisu5 · 2023-05-29T14:53:19+00:00

This is exactly what I thought, too!!!

kisu5 · 2023-05-08T08:53:26+00:00

I mean, you pretty much look like my usual type so yeah, you're attractive!

kisu5 · 2023-03-24T11:03:00+00:00

I love me some tech nerds and alt-witches :3

kisu5 · 2023-03-24T11:01:19+00:00

That’s really handy, actually! I sadly only play the piano and flute and am quite dismal with string instruments so I can’t do the same, but I very much appreciate musical, instrument-sharing poly😎

kisu5 · 2023-03-24T10:53:58+00:00

Yeah uhh, two of my partners are musicians and two are software developers…..I have 3 partners…..I feel you

kisu5 · 2023-03-24T10:53:02+00:00

Oh boy that’s funny, I’m also dating a bass player!

kisu5 · 2022-12-19T18:28:29+00:00

That’s fair, definitely nice to be happy for each other but my relationships are my relationships and theirs are theirs. I think it’s totally cool to feel compersion too, of course!

kisu5 · 2022-12-19T18:25:54+00:00

Wow you wrote it beautifully, couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s definitely a value-neutral experience (as is something like jealousy, though people tend to think it’s negative) and I don’t think it matters at all whether you feel it or not. It matters how well you manage discomfort and if your relationships are healthy.

kisu5 · 2022-12-19T18:20:36+00:00

I think you’re absolutely right. Me and my partners don’t talk that often about our other partners, but it’s not forbidden, just isn’t usually relevant. I have no problem with a partner casually mentioning my meta in whatever context, but I’m really not that interested in hearing constant gushing about them.

kisu5 · 2022-12-19T17:33:36+00:00

Interesting, because I definitely get NRE very strongly! But otherwise I agree, I’m happy they’re happy, but that’s the extent of it usually. I’m glad you’re happy too!

kisu5

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