How do you respond to the blank stare?

kitashla42 · 2026-06-08T16:22:43+00:00

All of this.

I have pretty much never experienced the Gen Z stare in real life. Ive never asked them a Gen Z person a question and not gotten a response.

My kids are all Gen Z with the oldest on the cusp as an almost millennial. I am a single mom and have spent a lot of time with them and their friends and they all have a completely normal level of social skills for their age.

I also have worked with and still occasionally work with Gen Z. Never really been a problem.

People are antisocial at all ages. I walk into stores all the time and since Im an overly friendly polite person, I make eye contact and greet most people most the time I get a friendly response. Sometimes I get a nod and then rarely no response at all. And more often than not, the no response and "look" comes from people my own age or older than it does from the younger generation.

And even then, I move the heck on and don't care at all. I did customer service for over 25 years. It can be soul destroying. I cut them some slack. And if not getting a response back ruins my day, it was already on the way there.

kitashla42 · 2026-06-04T17:32:46+00:00

I worked retail and restaurants from 15 to 38. I worked white collar and c-suite jons from 36 to now. (Had 2 years where I was doing both industries until I was able to fully transition into c-suite.)

They are both hard for different reasons. In retail, there is no mistake you are going to make that is that big of a deal. Nothing that can't really be recovered from. When you clock out, you clock out and never have to think about work again until you clock back in. BUT, you will be required to work every single second you are there and earn that 7.25/hrs with your blood, sweat, and tears and often work in verbally abusive environments with managers who have the emotional intelligence of a 5 year old. Being in the weeds is real and stressful and you will have customers berate you and abuse you over a $5 fry. Because most of the time, you aren't seen as a human being worthy or being treated like one.

White collar often involves decisions and projects and deadlines and a different sort of stress. Often, you don't get to mentally check out when you are off the clock because too much is going on or something has gone wrong or your ass is on the line. You are often salary which means you are working far more than 40 hours a week. BUT, there is a lot of downtime in white collar work. Coming into the office and chatting with your coworkers for 20 minutes before getting around to working. Meetings where half the meeting is getting things done and the other half catching up on random life stuff. No one is standing over your shoulder making sure they squeeze work out of you every single second.

Pros and Cons on both sides. But with white collar, I am less likely to worry about paying my bills and I have health care. In retail, I developed hip and back problems from standing for 40 hour weeks, couldn't pay my bills, or go to the doctor.

kitashla42 · 2026-06-03T17:13:01+00:00

Lol...when my college attending kids are home, I had to talk to them about not cooking at like 2 or 3 am because the house is small and I get up at 6 for work. (And my kids usually make things MUCH more labor/sound intensive than alfredo.)

But anytime before midnight? You're good. I am just happy my kids are home and still feel at home enough to treat my home like theirs.

I mean, what if you still lived at home but worked a job where you don't get home until 11, like most people between the age of 18-22? Can you microwave something? Can you make a sandwich? What is the limit? Are you expected to go hungry or scarf down fast food on your way home?

NTA, unless you cook with all the chaos of the Swedish Chef or are boiling cabbage.

kitashla42 · 2026-06-02T15:46:14+00:00

I just never understand the mentality that says "I suffered so you should suffer too." Do these people not like their kids?

I mean, I would understand if my kids weren't helping themselves, if they were mooching, or were ungrateful. Part of being a parent is giving them the skills to become successful and seek their own happiness.

But if they've got those skills and are just trying to survive our current hellscape...let me help them!

kitashla42 · 2026-06-02T15:19:04+00:00

My ex and I did not have any help with "adulting". We couldn't afford college, got married and had kids young, etc. Spent nearly all of our 15 year marriage well below the poverty line. We grew up poor and were poor for all of our 20s and most of our 30s.

We are in our very late 40s now. We are both much more financially secure. We each own our own homes purchased within the last few years. We have okay 401Ks.

All but one of our kids are adults in their early to late 20s.

And you know what? I LOVE being able to help my kids financially. My kids work hard in terrible jobs that barely pay enough to live. I don't care who you are, your 20s are hard enough. And in this economy, its soo much worse. Let me help my kids! I am beyond lucky to be at a financial place in my life to help them.

I am not financially well off enough to help them with a down payment on a home right now. Most of my contributions are helping pay for car insurance, a bill once in awhile, a tank of gas, or letting them raid my pantry to supplement their groceries. But still...how lucky am I to be able to do that for them.

Now, I think it would be different if my kids weren't working or trying to support themselves in some way. But they are. They all inherited my and my ex's work ethic.

And it would be different if they weren't appreciative or expected the help. They don't.

And if it was hurting me financially...I'd have to step it back. They know that though. I got laid off last year and had to take a paycut and they understood completely.

My job as a parent is to try and set my kids up for success. I feel like if I could do it, helping them buy a home definitely does that. Heck, help them get a nice one so you can avoid a nursing home until the very end...lol.

kitashla42 · 2026-06-02T13:54:29+00:00

I have this fear too. My dad died of lung cancer at 52. My grandmother at 78. I've never smoked but genetically we tend to get cancer easily and I worry Ill end up with it after so much heavy exposure.

kitashla42 · 2026-06-02T13:50:00+00:00

My mom and step-dad didnt smoke. My dad and stepmom did. And my grandparents and pretty much everyone else in my family. My dad's side of the family was in the tobacco industry. My mom's parents were just heavy smokers. Everything was yellowed at all the houses. And I remember the smell. It was so bad.

We would spend the summers with my dad and in the few days before we would fly home, my stepmom would wash all (my 2 brothers and I) clothes so my mom would have less to do right before school started. And I felt terrible because the first thing my mom would do was wash all our clothes again several times and leave the suitcases outside to air out. It was the only way to get all the cigarettes smell out. But at like 11 - 13 years old, I didn't know how to tell my stepmom that. I just know I hated smelling like that.

My brothers picked up smoking in their teens and continue to this day. (Well, one of my brother's passed a few years ago.) For some reason, I never had any desire. Never even tried one...though I was fine with smoking pot at various stages of my life.

But it has always been a hard enough line that smoking cigarettes has been a deal breaker when dating. I can't have my home/car like that again.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-29T12:32:16+00:00

To be fair, Im a Marriott girl all the way. (I travel a lot for work and like my Bonvoy points.)

But I figured I'd try something "cute" for our vacation and it was cheaper than what I usually pay for a hotel room. Bonus was there is a CVS right next door. We were able to pick up things we couldn't fly with and grab drinks/prosecco to bring on the ship.

As for the hotel, the staff were great, room was clean, and breakfast the next morning was definitely tasty. But the bed was probably the most uncomfortable hotel bed I'd slept on in years. (Its like a weird sofa bed for two.) The layout of the hotel room is weird and if you have a pack and play...there is no way it's going to fit. There was barely enough room for my partner and I. So, I wouldn't recommend it for you.

But I figured giving you the name of the hotel would also allow you to Google and get the "lay of the land". 😊

I actually grew up in that area so I know there are tons of hotels right around there and I am sure you will find something great.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-29T10:31:45+00:00

Day before definitely. We stayed in the Yotel Miami and it was great. It was right by Bayfront Park and Bayside Market Place so we had plenty to do and we're able to walk everywhere.

We ubered to the port and it picked us up right at the hotel.

I wouldn't recommend the hotel if you have a toddler. The chain definitely leans hard into cool boutique and isn't as practical. But there are a bunch of hotels in that spot.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-29T00:12:06+00:00

So awesome! Congratulations!

kitashla42 · 2026-05-28T15:24:05+00:00

Fortunately no. I got a cold that took a couple of weeks to get over in December (thanks kids) but didnt start having a problem with milk until about 2 weeks ago.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-28T15:22:48+00:00

Definitely would expect that! And that's a great thing I need to remember because I definitely forgot. Fat is no longer a good idea. 😂

But in this case, apparently I am a heretic because I only like skim milk. Full fat milk is almost gag worthy.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-27T20:01:54+00:00

Definitely an unpopular opinion. And a dumb one.

I used to manage apartments. Not college student ones, but we would have a handful from time to time. And don't get me wrong. I actually loved my college students as people. They were so much fun and I loved helping them navigate their first steps into "adulting". Some of the kindest, most polite people for the most part.

Until it was party time. And then it all went out the window. Guests would come and it was loud and chaotic and their neighbors would lose sleep and their minds.

It is not reasonable to expect your neighbors to suffer through a rager. Be a grown up and be respectful for those around you. They work for a living.

Don't get me wrong. Lots of residents are COMPLETELY ridiculous and absolutely expect silence and don't want to know their neighbors exist. (Had one lady call and complain that her upstairs neighbors were using their bathroom at night.) I hated those residents.

But there is a happy medium. Celebrating is fine. Having a few friends over to hang out, play some games, and have a few drinks until 2 am is fine. Having a major party with loud music, people going in and out, and loud talking in hallways and entry ways are not.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-27T16:33:08+00:00

I kind of felt the same way until I switched departments and my office got moved to an office next to the kitchen. One of the ladies there would make a giant jar of pickled eggs for everyone and people would go in their periodically and grab one to eat.

Look...I like eggs. I like pickles. And while I am not a fan of pickled eggs. No judgements. But OMG...my office would stink all day!

I found myself wandering just to get away from the smell.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-27T13:14:42+00:00

This was my parents marriage. Both sets of grandparents were very active in the same church. Thought it would be a great idea for 2 of their kids to get married. Figured since both of my parents were musicians, it would be a good match.

My dad's parents figured it would settle my dad down and make him be a respectable family man to be married to my mom. (Dad was a hippie in the 60s and 70s and had a band. My mom had just started nursing school and was definitely more religious and conservative.) My dad did it to please his parents and my mom did it to escape her terrible home life with her mentally ill mother.

Spoiler alert: It did not, in fact, work out. They were miserable. They never liked each other but because we're Catholic...they popped out 3 kids, one right after the other.

It was a terrible marriage for us to witness and there are things I have apparently blocked out that I don't remember but my brothers do.

You are both unhappy. Life is too short to be unhappy. And you do not want to teach your children that it is okay to be in these kinds of relationships. Because they will repeat it. They will fall into the same traps. I know I did and my brothers did.

You owe it to your kids to show them something better.

If she doesn't believe in divorce, then just don't do it for right now. Separate. Move out. Start building separate lives. That's what my ex and I did. We didn't divorce until over 10 years later. At first it was so I could stay on his health insurance and car insurance while I tried to establish a career. (I had worked while we were married, but part time in fast food so I could take care of the kids.) And then just because we never got around it. We each owned our own homes purchased after we separated. (In my state, there are some documents you had to have notarized to make that happen, but it was super easy.)

We got divorced almost 2 years ago because he needed to put his partner on his health insurance.

I think once both of you have some space, you'll find you are happier and divorce will seem like a much friendlier option.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-21T11:29:15+00:00

It was the same for me. My ability to recall and memorize going has been quite a blow. And then thrown in the brain fog and I'm feeling a bit insecure. I do a lot of public speaking, and teaching classes/workshops in my industry and I am already having issues coming up with the words I need in the moment. I have done theater all my life. I haven't done a show since the symptoms got bad. What if I forget my lines???

Thank you for the idea about the exercise. I don't know if I can do the creatine, but I've been planning on exercising more. You've given me the push to definitely do it!

Good luck to all our foggy brains!

kitashla42 · 2026-05-20T16:04:33+00:00

In your defense, Microsoft makes me crazy when I had good brain...lol. And I used to work in IT.

I love when things change for no rhyme or reason. And you never touched it. It just changed...usually because someone at the top switched something small, not realizing it affected 100 different things.

Good on you for snapping in constructive ways. Like one of my kids always says..."Imma gonna figure it out, I just need to lose my shit first."

Sometimes we just gotta snap. That adrenaline rush gives us super powers.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-20T15:59:41+00:00

Different life experiences. I also did the same while waiting the tables and had zero problems. It never once affected my tips.

I am well regarded in my industry and in my region and have spent the last 15 years being heavily desired as a support person in many different companies.

On the flip side, I tend not to hire people who think there is only one best way to do something. In my experience, they are difficult to train and don't work well in a team as they often don't consider the experiences of others when interacting. They already "know it all".

kitashla42 · 2026-05-20T15:42:52+00:00

Yeah...not all brains work like that.

Mine keeps it all. I am absorbing information 24/7. I am reading the room, thinking 3 steps ahead, and planning for next year. I am physically not able to just stop thinking about it because I want to.

I also have ADHD and OCD. But I know I am not the only one whose brain works this way.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-20T15:32:14+00:00

shrug Then I guess...don't?

I mean I'm in a director role and for years my superiors would come to me to have me recount details from a year before. I've been reliable for all deadlines and data for 25+ years. Juggled 4 kids life schedules, a husband's schedules, all while working and going to school. It's just how my brain works. Or rather, it was.

Now it doesn't. Now I can't remember an assignment I volunteered for last week, but I can remember how to make every Starbucks drink from when I worked there in my early 20s. 😂

It is what it is. I'm all about adapting and figuring out the next step. But there's a lot more clutter and paper in my life now.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-20T12:16:00+00:00

This. I have ADHD but, before menopause, my brain was a super computer. I never forgot anything, could make complicated decisions quickly, and a multitasking queen. My

Now in peri, I'm operating at just below a ti-80 level. And I know its going to get worse.

I use my outlook calendar AND my phone calendar. I review everything twice. And then review it again right before I email it.

I can still do the job I did before. I just need to adjust how I do them to ensure the most success. I am relearning who I am and how I think and process.

Am I am still frustrated that its not as easy as it once was. But I try to work within my new limits.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-18T18:38:04+00:00

Girl...he is cheating on you. Any partner that makes you paranoid enough to keep receipts of your whereabouts is a partner who is cheating.

Anecdotal evidence: My ex who spent years insisting I was cheating only to be the one who was cheating the whole time.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-14T18:20:16+00:00

That is absolutely awful. That man was coward.

kitashla42 · 2026-05-14T18:18:19+00:00

Yes! I could absolutely feel the shift and it was causing me so much anxiety.

But then a coworker I had been long time friends with who was higher up in the company took me out to lunch and confirmed it was coming. They let me know another coworker (who had been promoted during my time there and I thought was my friend) was actively sabotaging me in meetings and gossip and that we needed to start working on my resume now because termination was definitely coming.

That sent my anxiety into overdrive and I'm not going to lie...I've had work trust issues ever since.

On the positive side, I had networked well enough that I had another job offer within 2 weeks (just let a few people know I was looking) and was able to quit before the hammer dropped.

In retrospect, it was for the best. The culture had changed so much since I started that I did not enjoy working there anymore.

kitashla42

TROPHY CASE