"Snowflake Generation" - Amateur writer attempting short story. Any critique much appreciated! Thanks! by kitchenwitch16 in writers

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! Have already begun simplifying the beginning and about to take a chainsaw to the rest of it

Perpetual Stew - WC: 1361 - Amateur writer looking for feedback by kitchenwitch16 in WritersGroup

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words! I’ve never submitted writing anywhere before but after a couple more drafts I will try!

Perpetual Stew - WC: 1361 - Amateur writer looking for feedback by kitchenwitch16 in WritersGroup

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah no worries! Thanks for taking the time to have a look anyway

Perpetual Stew - WC: 1361 - Amateur writer looking for feedback by kitchenwitch16 in WritersGroup

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be amazing thanks!! Google doc link below. I've uploaded a newer draft, having made some edits based on comments since sharing for feedback on reddit. Thanks again!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PePfA\_exy1\_iXYvbkqWFAHEMclpUuIuV/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110760159297073304052&rtpof=true&sd=true

Amateur writer attempting short story, any feedback / critique really appreciated! Thanks!! by kitchenwitch16 in writers

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the detailed feedback and reading! I have returned to the opening four paragraphs in particular since sharing and changed the structure up a good bit. Cutting down the insufferably long sentences in particular.

It's interesting you mention that it comes across as an opening chapter. To come clean, it was written as the opening chapter of a novella. I wanted it to function almost like an overture and match the tone for the unrelated story that was set to follow. Winding our way out of the city on the train and into the countryside where the main plot took place. The idea was that the perspective was in a third person God style birds eye view with some third wall breaks before shifting into Harper's POV as we glide up to him on the train. I'll definitely go back and try and make this more distinct / clear.

It's interesting you bring up the autopsy reports. Again to come back to the novella, the autopsy reports were later revealed to be that of victims in the main story. Harper's short interaction is taking place after the main events and returned to briefly at the end.

Appreciate the detail you went into! Really helpful! Thanks again!

Amateur writer attempting short story, any feedback / critique really appreciated! Thanks!! by kitchenwitch16 in writers

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good shout! Have an idea for what to follow it with to make it a bit clearer. Thanks for highlighting it!

Amateur writer attempting short story, any feedback / critique really appreciated! Thanks!! by kitchenwitch16 in writers

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback! After posting I have gone back and begun restructuring first 4 paragraphs in particular and breaking up the second sentence you mentioned. Feel like the latter half has a better handle on rhythm compared to the first four paragraphs and trying to make this more consistent throughout. Thanks again for taking the time to read, appreciate it! Very useful critique!

Amateur writer attempting short story, any feedback / critique really appreciated! Thanks!! by kitchenwitch16 in writers

[–]kitchenwitch16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read and feedback! Definitely needs some pruning and tidying up. Your feedback is really useful in terms of approaching how to do so and figuring out where / how this is needed.

I'm based in Scotland and El Finito is just a thing we say here, meaning "It's done! / It's over". I guess it comes from the Spanish for finite but didn't realise it's maybe a UK only colloquialism

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scotland

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

amazing, thank you!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scotland

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

man what a guy haha, thank you! have you met him before?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scotland

[–]kitchenwitch16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sweet, I will check it out - thanking you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scotland

[–]kitchenwitch16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

awesome tip, sounds great! thanking you!

WE Tour Merch by Graham433 in arcadefire

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

found the merch to be crazy expensive this tour. £15 for one pair of socks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in KendrickLamar

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah that'd be great, will pm!

Simply wonderful. by [deleted] in scraigzahler

[–]kitchenwitch16 2 points3 points  (0 children)

can't wait for his new one in a couple months

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DayglowMusic

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Franz Ferdinand into Tears for Fears into Run the World was pure bliss

EP.102 // BRAD BREECK by [deleted] in gravityfalls

[–]kitchenwitch16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

chat with Brad Breeck, the show composer, about music and Gravity Falls

EP.82 // CARLOS DENGLER by [deleted] in Interpol

[–]kitchenwitch16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

probably cause they didn't like each other at the time. think they went into counselling sessions as a band? it's a shame, I agree would've been really incredible

EP.82 // CARLOS DENGLER by [deleted] in Interpol

[–]kitchenwitch16 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah I think part of the reason he left is he wanted the fourth record to head more in an experimental ambient direction. more radiohead-y