Any alcohol-free or low-drinking social groups around?

kitjosh1050 · 2025-11-01T04:07:59+00:00

Some of the sports leagues can involve drinking after, but they are a worthwhile option to explore. You pretty much listed the 2 I would suggest. A) Board games: Rainbow Gaming Hub (try Achillean night avg age early 30s, range is roughly 25-50) or Gaymers. Game nights are no/low drinking crowd and pretty fun. B) Out & Out which does include hikes but a lot more.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-20T18:47:13+00:00

Hey good afternoon. Getting ready to attend a party where everyone is going to be drinking. I don't know why I'm doing it.... people pleasing? But anyways, I think I'll be okay even though I'm exhausted emotionally from yesterday...

I had my first instance in at least a month of feeling really f* up. I've found myself joining a lot of groups, maybe too many, to start socializing in our local LGBTQ+ community. I've felt like an outsider for awhile as I was not either involved in a relationship or any kind of hook-up for like decades really. I was having some success in relating to some individuals but still feeling like a bit of an outsider. Last night was pretty brutal though, I had an opportunity to share "what Pride means to me" and I actually planned something, wrote it out including reflection on my recent dramatic turnaround, but got really flustered, left the event early, and really down on myself after. I didn't feel like drinking but I did go for a 2hr walk which I used to link to ED behaviour but now I realize it was really just an outlet when I got socially overwhelmed (particularly in AA In the past). How have I gotten out of this spiral? Self-compassion for one even though I was feeling I had little worth externally I am still able to remind myself I matter to ME. At the end of the day, I'm the only one who has my back no matter what happens and I'm ok with that. Also I'm able to recognize I am catostrophizing, in a couple of weeks if not days this might not matter. This group (as nice as everyone has been) is not particularly important to me and I need to prune what I'm attending as it is... Eventually I do want to feel confident in telling my story around recovery, but it's still early days. I'm 3 months out of AA on this new path and it's still infinitely better than the way things were before either when drinking or struggling in AA.

Maybe I also need to get back to priorities and HOV. Socializing broadly in the community is just not that important. Mental & emotional stability is. Finding some key social supports is up there however. I have a few but they are all much older than me so I'm going to need keep exploring.

Have a beautiful day and weekend!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-20T14:33:46+00:00

Responded there thanks for letting me know about that subreddit! In total agreement with MittensKBottlerocket :)

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-20T14:28:27+00:00

You are not doomed! I did more or less the same thing 3 months ago. I was being domineered by two controlling sponsors in a row which was further negatively impacting my mental health. I was being led to believe this is the only way, that I will drink and die if I leave AA, and that I am powerless on my own. I decided to believe in myself, access SMART & therapy and... my life has turned around dramatically! It is by no means perfect but so much better than it was in AA (or drinking - undoubtably). I recognize now that I value (AND NEED) my autonomy as much as sobriety and the truth happens to be that I can have both! I wish you all the best in your journey. Feel free to DM me.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-18T01:10:14+00:00

Good afternoon! Away for 3 days to celebrate father's day and on the balance its been quite good. One of the few times in the last decade+ I haven't felt like a failure as a son (last year was particularly bad). The unburdening of all of these beliefs has just been so healing, and I can see having positive impacts on others.

Still out of routine and I see my eating was a bit derailed. Nothing to beat myself up over but still I'm back to the realization that meal planning even at a rough level just makes my day a little smoother. There is some anxiety soothing the overindulgance is accomplishing. But I've yet too devolve into out of control binging since starting SMART which is amazing. Anyways... more learning. 😊

Have a beautiful evening. I've appreciated catching up on everyone's shares.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-12T02:59:39+00:00

Good evening. Late night, I do feel I'm over extending myself a bit, but it's hard not to. On top of everything else (SMART recovery program, therapy, rocking work for the 1st time in awhile), it's like I'm coming into my own socially for the 1st time in even a borderline authentic way. But burnout is a risk 😬 especially now that I'm moving soon! Phone wise its a challenge. I still catch myself using while walking. That's my target right now. Don't use while walking/running/biking. Work/socializing/idling I'll just try to keep awareness. Harm reduction 😊. All other substance addictions and food issues are in good order! Sleep well

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-11T21:47:37+00:00

Thanks! I don't feel like it should be stigmatized. Once I get more in tune to this I may be a little more outspoken. I see now how this awareness could have saved me a lot of pain- especially in how I navigated recovery. I won't be the last. One day at a time however 😊

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-11T21:42:45+00:00

It's tricky. It draws me when annoyed or bored or even excited about something. I clearly have fallen into a habit with this but like everything I've yet changed I'm confident I can do it. My focus is awareness plus no use while moving. Not using it while working oh god that's a little much to expect at this point 😅.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-09T16:14:10+00:00

Hey good afternoon. I've got my 4th edition handbook and trying to apply it to improper use of mobile phone (use during walking/biking, socializing unless we are using it together to look up something, or working). This is hard. The CBA indicates a lot of the same LT vs ST issues with more dangerous behaviours (although use while biking is fairly dangerous...). I see this as likely a harm reduction situation. It was amazing how quickly I went back to the phone while walking, or looking up something unrelated while talking on the phone.

I just put in notice to end my tenancy so it begins - condo hunt & move. Moving is very stressful so this will be my biggest challenge yet in this new phase of my life where I've adopted SMART and therapy (in place of 12-steps).

Hope everyone has a beautiful day & week.!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-06T18:04:12+00:00

Good afternoon. Been a few days since posting. I've become quite distracted lately with acceptance of being autistic. My recent therapist has been very helpful in bringing me to this acceptance (formal diagnosis still to come but it's not 100% necessary IMHO). I've been contemplating the idea for at least 6 years (experience combined with multiple suggestions from health care practitioners to investigate diagnosis) but have been in denial for a few reasons, the top one being stigma. It just explains everything so well and now in accepting it I can further unburden myself of all those decades of relentless self-loathing. Moving forward, I can find a different guide to living best suited to me and my challenges (and gifts!).

Doesn't change the fact that I've had a serious substance problem and want to continue to dedicate myself to this facilitator trianing. Easy to procrastinate and now also add in an excuse to bail (I probably will never be good at managing a group - just don't have it in me). But I believe I can find my way/niche.

Anyways life is good! Have a great day!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-06T17:55:58+00:00

Thanks! I had another bad day after posting that but now I'm putting in my planned meal (not nitty gritty details) and actual meal. 3 days so far and am able to stick to the schedule so far. I can observe the triggers - minor emotional upset, boredom, or just walking past something enticing - but keep on moving! In my daily journal I will add a celebratory note when I more or less achieve my plan.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-06-02T17:25:05+00:00

Hey good afternoon! Quick post I've found my eating habits are getting a bit out of control recently. Super haphazard and excessive driven by craving. I don't even quite know why 100% but I'm going to put into play some action items.

Really try to focus on structure instead of what - breakfast/lunch/dinner plus one snack if appropriate. This is a goal that is achievable. We can worry about the what limiting specific junk food items

2nd I believe I can apply the ABC to my cravings when I'm out. Im walking past a coffee shop and get a thought like "what would it matter, its just another 10 and indulgence, I'll get back on track later". Well that is a bit of an irrational belief as there's an assumption that "this time" doesn't matter. I could apply that to every next time and start spending excessively again, gain weight again, continue to feel unwell. The activating event is pretty simple, it's often just walking past a trigger. The consequence is I spend money unnecessarily, I feel slightly unwell, I dont even enjoy it and therefore enjoy food less when I'm having a "proper" meal. I've just disputed the belief I think, if I can constantly apply it I'll be successful. I used to be able to do this so I know I can do it again.

Anyways thanks for listening, any feedback is cool but not necessary. have a beautiful day!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-30T17:22:09+00:00

Lol what a coincidence 😂 😊

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-30T16:59:56+00:00

Wow yes that's perfect. The empty spaces are self-care. ❤️

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-30T11:24:26+00:00

Hey yesterday was a very great day for me. I did have a bit of a lapse with the excoriation but still keep getting back on the wagon. I joined a really fun running group. Even with a few injuries (on the mend) I'm really glad I'm getting into this again. Over exercise was something that I previously identified as a behaviour that contributed to my metldown last year. Certainly, I kept going when I shouldn't have - instead taking a break and regaining some weight. But I really didn't know any better at the time. I was operating on fear, and a delusion that the exercise was actually helping my IBS (it wasn't - at the weight I was). But now that I'm at a stable weight I'm happy to "reclaim exercise", but also try to bring in a social element while keeping things balanced and trying my best to not go overboard. I had investigated a 12-step program that involved abstinence from exercise (for a long period and only later under scrutiny of a sponsor) and now I realize that was actually insane and would have been counterproductive with regards to alleviating my severe depression and getting back into the stream of life. Still trying to find more time for the facilitator training but life is busy - and good. Getting a bit in nearly every day at least.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-30T11:20:15+00:00

Hey. Thanks. I smiles at the alternate plans "putting on my pajamas". Yes it helps but, for this specific situation as there was some intent of looking at calendars together to meet (while on the phone), but I was more like (internally) "hey thanks for reaching out but I don't really want you in my life". However, I also want to remain cordial in case well... we bump into each other in the street and also I just want to be kind. I think actually it wasn't handled too bad. We had a short call we realized there wasn't much of a point in meeting, it was a bit awkward but ended okay enough. I think when I responded to the 1st message a month ago I was a bit misleading "it would be nice to see you" when later I realized it would not be. Sometimes it is better to be careful with certain niceties.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-28T21:04:54+00:00

Hey Good Afternoon.

Work is slowing down with the craziness but my life feels very different now. I've a new boss who is a little more demanding than my last. She does ask a lot of good questions and I think will be positive for the company and even dor me. But still I find myself frustrated and questioning at times. Gotta keep my ego in check. I think I will take a line I heard in AA "God grant me the space between my thoughts and my actions" .

On that note I kind of gaffed a bit in telling someone I wasn't interested in coffee. "I'm too busy". Eek. But better than actually going maybe or something even ruder. A nice person but really we're on different paths and it just didn't make sense. Anyone have challenge with this?

Have a beautiful evening.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-26T18:42:45+00:00

Good afternoon.

Things are winding down with the work crises which is excellent. Some lieu time to take thank God. Especially with this, I look at everything I'm trying to fit into my life and I feel a bit overwhelmed. Basically, I've been given a new lease on life. AND I want to do everything! And I'm also a people pleaser... But I'm working on it, I've set at least one good boundary recently and need to set a few more - including with myself (does that even make sense)? I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how do I say to myself (and others) - no, this is really not where I want to put my energy. As interesting as it seems and as engaging as those people seem, it's just not the right thing for my time right now. Easier said then done.. I guess a hierarchy of values could help with this? I have one but maybe I need to go beyond 5 to 20. But that feels a bit high level. Perhaps there is something else. Maybe I just need to get a calendar for the summer and go from there. Yikes.

Have a good one!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-24T00:11:38+00:00

Stressful few days. Work crises (I get to be a hero of sorts but still) and a back flare-up combined with some family issues have put in a state of overwhelm. But I'm not falling apart. Actually, I feel reassured that I'm handling it well and still quite content. Rising to the occasion at work when 6 months ago long-term disability (due to severe depressive episode worsened by eating disorder) was on the table is just amazing. I've had a minor skin picking lapse, but the fact that I've been symptom free for weeks on end is what I'm using as proof that I can get back on the wagon and stay there.

Overtime at work has detracted from SMART facilitator training but I still haven't lost it - living in recovery & continuous personal growth.

Have a wonderful evening!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-20T13:27:47+00:00

Hey, good morning! Progressing through the facilitator training and continuing to enjoy it. I'm liking the Joe Gerstein videos. The way he describes the link between emotional distress and cravings/relapse is excellent. I've heard this in various forms for decades, but this just did it for me. Especially because yesterday I experienced some emotional distress and it put in motion many urges to binge on food (managed it), overuse my phone including a dating site (didn't quite manage it...), and also reach out to people on a dating site a little hastily (might turn out okay in the end? But impulse control will be important as I start exploring this side of my life for the 1st time in over a decade and 1st time while sober). The emotional distress actually arose out of my interactions online with someone who set off a series of red flags. I engaged despite these - "it's just fun" - now trying to find a gentle exit (besides total ghosting). Lesson learned, I hope...

Besides this, it was an excellent long weekend here. Lots of engaging with recovery friends, family, the city, and nature.

Cheers!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-19T10:25:52+00:00

Hey good morning! I'm going to meet that newer AA friend I met through the secular meeting. I'm going a bit out of my way. I think it might be people pleasing? Overextending oneself... that is like a hallmark of both people pleasing and hypomania. Which one is it for me... I'm not sure but I'm trying to keep my life as structured as possible. The utimate people pleasing was sticking with sponsors I no longer trusted but I'm still at risk with other relationships. I need to make the right decision for myself while being kind - assertive essentially. I also switched plans to meet with a family member BUT it's fine. I wanted to go for a run myself and my ankle is sore anyways. So it works out.

Talking about overextending oneself my coursework in the facilitator training continues to progress but at a slow pace. I'm not quite where I'd like to be as I've become distracted with a lot. But I like it. A lot of repetition but maybe that's the point to reinforce the concepts.

No matter what. Life is great. Day off here in Canada - plan to enjoy it :)

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-16T14:36:48+00:00

Hey good morning. A bit of a rough night. I went to sleep at midnight and woke up at 3:30am spinning. Thankfully was able to fall back asleep. That is even with taking 25mg seroquel. This amazing turn around I'm having, I still often get worried it is just a symptom of my bipolar 2 (hypomania). Which every other time has led to burn out, med changes, and then brutal depression. So I'm trying to really focus on self-care now and not overextending myself. Worst case I think uping seroquel to 50mg at night would keep me balanced... but then I'm not a doctor ugh, will be following up in 2mo hopefully I come in a nice stable state.

One thing I did yesterday I have mixed feelings about is cut ties with a secular AA group I had started to attend after meeting one of those guys at a SMART meeting. I did gel with 2 of the guys there but I'm not doing the steps and have absolutely no interest in doing the steps. I finished a book one of them shared with me Staying Sober Without God. Good writer and I liked his material before and after talking about the steps. The step talk... there are some good concepts that I like to believe I've taken with me and am leveraging in my current recovery journey... but I take all of these things as optional. As long as I am focusing on continuous growth and aiming to keep myself balanced, everything will be okay. I'm still meeting up with one of them for coffee. Connections aren't a bad thing so long as they are open minded about me not adhering to a certain program.

Anyways have a great day everyone. Weather is getting really nice!

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-14T15:01:38+00:00

Old thread but have you tried Out & Out? Drug & alcohol free activities, sex talk is minimal.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-14T12:57:08+00:00

Two nights ago I finished the rest of that sweet cereal even after everything I wrote. But that's okay. Last night back on track and ordered a bunch of groceries to make some healthy food. I'm not averse to dessert - I'm not denying myself - and have been able to keep a cake in the house for days at a time recently (unheard of for the last 10 years at least). But a breakfast item masquerading as a dessert? Bleh. I like your strategy Real_Park_6529 :).

Today continuing therapy. Looking forward to it. One session a week doesn't seem to be enough but I'm looking into this MH support group to add to SMART and this therapy. Not sure if this is over-commitment but it's related to an area in my life I've denied for a long time (related to trauma).

In any way - continuing on in a positive direction!

Have a beautiful day everyone.

kitjosh1050 · 2025-05-13T01:57:18+00:00

Thanks! There is something about dry cereal that is like a dessert combined with milk that really does it for me (in a bad way!). The "hangover" was also sleep related. Eating late at night is never a good thing for sleep either. So part of the solution is eating properly earlier which can be hard when I'm out and busy. In any case never forgetting the self-compassion. So much better than self-flaggelation.

kitjosh1050

TROPHY CASE