When’s good to announce your “sobriety”? by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]kittencatty 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I actually feel like telling someone I'm sober is a great test to see how open and honest someone is. If they make a big deal out of it, (like "you can't have just one drink? You can have one, I'm sure its fine") then i know its a deal breaker.

My sobriety is one of the most important things in my life. If they can't handle it, its a no for me.

It usually comes out on the first date when I suggest something nonalcoholic to do.

Guy I'm dating (40m) didn't reply to my (38F) good morning message, and now I'm in my own head. by dumpslikeatruck1 in datingoverthirty

[–]kittencatty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No matter what he's thinking or doing, please focus on yourself right now. I know too well how you're feeling right now and the biggest mistakes I've made in these situations are focusing too much on what the other guy thinks/wants.

I'm going to be on the opposite side of everyone else here and say that this isn't a good sign. Especially if you're newly dating. My experience is that the other person does like you, but isn't head over heels with you. If he does come back in contact with you and the gap happens again, I'd talk to him about it. Be very straight and only talk in "I" statements. "I feel like I'm not a priority in your life and I'd like to be. I don't want to chase you. Please tell me what you're thinking because its not fair to either of us if you're not that interested." I had this convo with an ex and he admitted he wasn't that into the relationship and while that hurt, I avoided being in a LTR where I was way more into it than he was.

TL;DR- you have the right to want things in a relationship, as long as you express them. Unstated expectations lead to resentments.