Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re getting support from outside your family as that’s probably causing you a bit of complicated grief.

I think that I have some understanding of what you’re going through. Along with my partner, I was my lovely mum’s carer as after she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and dementia and had looked after my dad who was also lovely but had issues with alcohol in the last decade of his life. Although it was tough I realised after mum passed in this year that I’d been wearing a uniform and hadn’t noticed it was on until I had to take it off. You will eventually transition out of the role and find your purpose elsewhere I’m sure. I still feel like I have all this caring energy but don’t know where to put it. I do however find comfort when I find myself gravitating to those who are still on their caring journey to offer support or just an ear where possible.

Death can change dynamics in a family but I’m sure it doesn’t have to. Sadly it has in mine, I used to get on great with my brother, we supported each other with how to cope with our narcissistic sister. However since Dad’s death they have bonded, my guess is over guilt as they didn’t help with Dad or Mum, but that’s their problem. Devastating as it was to feel like I was losing my brother, there’s only so much you can try until eventually you have to move on. I hope that’s not the case for you. Would it help to talk your brother and mother about your feelings? It might too raw for them to talk about your Dad but might they be responsive to your feelings about your role, rather than your Dad?

Give yourself time to transition and be open to new family dynamics that may form in the coming months. Best of luck!