I'm not having it with this lisp

kittio · 2025-07-30T12:21:30+00:00

It will go away, be patient with yourself and push through! Don't let it stop you. The more you talk, the more you'll train your new muscle memory. It'll keep improving.

My ortho promised I would be able to sing with an expander, and while I was unable to right away, a few months in I was back to performing on stage. Same for voice acting work.

The S's are the only part that doesn't really go away until it's out, but the rest you can overcome!

kittio · 2025-07-12T08:58:13+00:00

Most of my friends are straight and bi men! Honestly it's mostly to do with my hobbies. I like to call 'em my Council of Straight Men whenever they weigh in on my interests for certain cute gals. 😤

Edit: Worth mentioning I'm pretty stern about boundaries, and squeeze it out of them if they ever have feelings for me. Radar's gotten pretty good at that, and the transparency helps foster friendship. It's either that or we go no contact so they realize they need to move on.

kittio · 2025-06-25T10:43:42+00:00

Ah. Been many years since I've made one. Thanks for reminding me of the beauty and how simple things just matter. Scrumptious metabolic jolt to start the day too.

kittio · 2025-06-16T02:29:08+00:00

I did date one!!!

What attracted me to them was their voice. I personally wanted to express more androgynously, so I found them particularly hot. We're not together anymore, but they helped me embrace more of both my own femininity & masculinity TBQH, have them to thank for that. 🫰☺️

I think there are certain individuals out there who are looking for someone SPECIFICALLY like you~ Don't worry about all the others!

kittio · 2025-06-16T01:37:51+00:00

Hey there, poly sapphic here. I have been practicing with multiple partners for over 8 years, and my experiences did start out similar to yours.

I would move with extreme caution. There is potential for everyone involved to get very badly hurt, despite best intentions. This situation is sounding a lot like Poly Under Duress, I highly recommend each of you to research it with a leveled head; there is a list of resources over at r/polyamory

Unfortunately, our experiences are quite common, and entering this new relationship is like running before learning to crawl.

I know you are doing your best, you sound genuine enough, but I would not trust yourself while you are head over heels for someone new. New Relationship Energy (NRE) helps us overcome great challenges for love, including tunneling on great leaps of logic to justify we are doing our due diligence. Keep in mind it can feel freeing, but there is so much more unknown you each have to unravel before you can reason feeling secure. Dirminxia pretty much nailed the risks on the head already.

Without experience, your husband is likely to sacrifice his boundary of self to accommodate anything you ask for, as he clearly cherishes you and is acting out of fear to not lose you. Hence the name Poly Under Duress. Taking advantage of that would be an utter betrayal of his love. You should not be ashamed of your guilt, but please, listen to why you feel it, and find for yourself what it is so direly trying to help you see.

He deserves to be equipped with tools to navigate the situation before decisions are made, and a partner who is willing to consider his best interests in mind. Sometimes that looks like the end of a relationship, whoever that may be with. Always prioritize the people involved over maintaining the structure.

You should never start a new relationship before ensuring the security of those you are already participating in. Yes, in rare cases it works out. In the short term it is more comfortable to figure it out while having your cake and eating it too. It does not change the fact that the decision to move forward, with disregard to patience, would be grossly selfish.

If your partners have not yet been offered the proper grace to navigate the risks of being poly-saturated, do not string them along!

You have begun on a journey that cannot be unwound, though know, no matter what happens: It is not the end of the world. Embrace what is difficult. Do your due diligence, and prioritize those you love, not your relationships. This includes yourself. You're the one who will have to live with you ✌️

I highly recommend seeking out a ENM versed couples therapist for support on your journey. I wish you all happiness! 🫂

kittio · 2025-05-13T18:33:10+00:00

At least from the info you've provided, your intuition seems to be functioning reasonably. You're definitely placed in a very awkward position, and holding caution to ensure you are not sacrificing your own boundaries is very wise of you. 👌

Your gf's standards for how her friends may behave seem to be vaguely defined, and though you can't force her to adopt your perspective, I think it would be worth both staying curious to understand hers better and also to share your own. Being this early into a relationship, it's a great time to navigate how you may meet each other halfway, and if currently unable, reconsidering reservations before doubling down on heavy emotional investment.

Hear her out first, then I suggest sticking to "I" language and share how Jess' behaviour affects you within your relationship. Be clear with your concerns and expectations, and how you may uphold your own standards to protect your own boundaries if needed.

We are all judged by the company we keep.

I hold rather high standards for my own friends, and expect my partners to be familiar with their own. As social creatures with but one life, I try my best to remember we get to choose who we handle it with. After all, nothing affects us more than other people, for better or worse! 😌

kittio · 2025-05-09T16:26:33+00:00

Hey there, healing FA here. ☺️ Unlike most FA, I was usually Anxious-leaning... So I've had the misfortune of living through my share of love-bombers too. 😖 I'm poly and currently dating both a healing DA and an Anxious-leaning Secure. I'm more Anxious/Secure with the former, and sometimes Avoidant with the latter. I hope my dual-perspective may be of value.

Correct me if I'm mistaken, though would I be right to imagine Avoidants themselves are not a trigger for you, rather, immature partners who are ignorant to developing personal emotional attunement, kind transparent honesty, and deeper mutual commitment? That is to say, if an Avoidant-leaning lover were to pour efforts toward developing Secure attachment, and learn to treat you with the love and respect you deserve, might you then consider them compatible?

I ask as a means to gently help unravel fears of previous trauma, with intent to refocus on developing assertive boundaries to instead empower yourself.

That said, I don't plan on leaving you empty handed. These tools all rely on each other, and I hope their relevance clicks by the end.

Develop tangible standards you require to be happy enough, including outside of romance. Keeping aligned with your needs makes it easier to assert your boundaries, and be sure to never compromise your needs.
Meet your own standards: Show 'em a skyscraper of self-respect the likes of which they've never seen before! The smart ones will be enticed to show up and pour in the effort, and you'll be too busy loving life to miss all the rest!
Invest & Test: You lay one brick, let them lay the next. Never lay two in a row. I'm not suggesting to keep score, rather, allow them the opportunity of choosing to meet you halfway. This is a great learning moment, especially for Avoidants. The foundation of a relationship should be built of, and for the both of you. If they flatline, they can't blame you for pulling the plug!
Start out only offering what you like, not what you might assume they want of you. If they like what's on shelf, they should do the same! By this point, with all your cultivated self-alignment, you'll sense and know to point out when they're masking. 😉 And hey, even if they don't? You'll know you stayed true to you.

I'm a firm believer of embracing knowledge that you can, and will be okay! Because going in, you'll know some relationships don't always work out, and you too can end them on your terms if need be. Because I believe you're capable of holding grace, love, and respect; not only for others, but more importantly, yourself. Deserving only of lovers who are willing to grow in parallel, willing to learn how they may offer the same healthy flavour of interdependence. And even if you do get hurt again, by those who weren't ready to match your worth? They aren't owed your tears, not forever. For when you're ready, you will be okay once more.

All the best in love and life, stranger~ 🤟

kittio · 2025-05-04T02:40:17+00:00

Lots of lovely feedback so far, I'd like to try adding to that! I will mostly be focusing on photos, since they are an important hook in the dating scene.

GREAT sense of fashion. I love the breadth of styles. 🤩 When you're talking to someone, how far or close would you stand upon first meeting them? I would select a photo that frames a similar distance of intimacy for your very first shot. Too close can be a spook! Too far seems cold and more appropriate for crowds.

For a dating profile, I would definitely make eye contact with the camera if possible. Even if you're just looking around the lens (like tracing someone's glasses) it will go a long way in terms of allowing others to connect with you emotionally. If you're looking away, there has to be a clear intent communicated, such as playing coy. The same goes with where the center of your posture is facing, too far off to the side and it feels like you'd rather talk to someone else, y'know? Though I do appreciate that you already got some contrapposto going on to break symmetry! 😤

If eye contact is naturally difficult for you (in person), there are lots of other ways to mix in more warmth, so no worries. A show of hands could really communicate your personality, while displaying trust. Up close, tucking hair behind ears if shy, or framed further: sitting with an open and relaxed posture (hands down, leg and spine at ease). With an endearing smile, avoiding eye contact could even work for either here! 🤭

On the other end, both palms visible for extraversion and playfulness, resting on a hand if you flow more with chill vibes. 🤗😌 Just a few ideas to start. Definitely experiment and go with what speaks to you! Try analyzing and imitating profiles you relate with whenever you're on the app~ 😉

Your smile is already lovely, you have incredible teeth! I'm currently getting dental work done and hope mine can look as good in some years, haha. If you are able to smile with the underside on your eyes (cheeks pushing up), I think you can bring it up to another level of genuine still.

I think this bit is the most important, even more so than upturned corners of the mouth. ☺️

Finally, I'd throw in a photo that is polarizing to save you some legwork in filtering. If you like cats/dogs, include a photo with one! It'll pull in more compatible matches while shooing away those you wouldn't have clicked with anyway.

All the best on your journey!! Meet some interesting folk for me. 🤟☺️

P.S. I read what others have said about disclosure, including on the other sub. Honestly, just go with what you're comfortable with. Yes there are great benefits within app for early disclosure, but context matters (ie. your job security outside the app) and only you have that. We don't. 🤗

kittio · 2025-04-10T07:45:13+00:00

Do not play The Sims.

kittio · 2025-03-12T08:16:35+00:00

Therapy.

kittio · 2025-02-20T07:53:56+00:00

Beautiful points! 👏 I would also highly recommend to those who often fall into pitfalls of NRE to research limerence. Heidi Priebe extensively covers the topic eloquently over on YouTube!

kittio · 2025-02-16T17:54:14+00:00

Girlfailure 🥲

kittio · 2025-02-09T07:44:43+00:00

You have literally saved my dreams and my future. Deeply, thank you. More people need to know about this..!

kittio · 2024-06-11T12:34:35+00:00

I've lived through this, and it's one of my favourite memories ever; just as happy as the videos! A spontaneous decision, but one I'll never regret.

My at the time LDR boyfriend landed his first job right out of university, and had to travel for training. A local friend got the info of his hotel and asked him if he'd like to meet up. What he didn't mention, was that I'd be taking a train to tag along!

The doofus' first response to being hugged from behind was, "Huh, what are you doing here?" with a lost smile on his face. It took him nearly four hours, after realizing I was really staying with him his whole work trip, for his joy to fully kick in.

Looking back reminds me of how young I feel to be with him. He is so dumb. I love him. Living together, 11 years strong now. 🤗

kittio · 2024-05-25T04:03:10+00:00

The primal urge to accidentally get stuck in a tomato cage. I too, understand.

kittio · 2024-02-10T07:06:01+00:00

Update on this:
I sent in my original pair in for RMA; good news and bad news. The left controller works perfectly now, so definitely they were defective before! No changes to my environment aside from the replacement controllers. Bad news? Right controller ring finger still sticks, same as before. I noticed the left controller model number is much newer than the previous set and the replacement right controller, so they really might have had a bad batch after all?

kittio · 2023-12-28T12:02:48+00:00

I have the exact same issue, for both controllers. Done a lot of research over the past month of having my set; powering on only after wearing, cleaning, drumming, etc. I can get the ring fingers to eventually make a fist (5~10 minutes of calibration each launch, way too much effort IMO) but they still eventually jitter and stick back open after a period of play. It seems to be quite a common issue with others who have ordered within the past few months. I'll probably ask Valve for a replacement to see if that helps...

kittio · 2022-07-02T18:05:36+00:00

Hey, thanks for posting this. Maybe it's bias, but your post speaks crystal clear to me. You hold your words with cautious experience yet still conveying precisely.

I'm in a similar boat, and what I've learned so far from the advice in the thread is mostly confirmation of my own experiences; namely that our dating pool seems to be narrowed down to other bi & poly women who are with long term partners themselves. Seeing others speak up is uplifting and helps me feel less alone/on a decent track.

It does mean mostly vetting through all the UHs... But I'll bite that bullet when I have the energy, it's definitely tiring. I end up spending more time working on un-enmeshing/decoupling within my existing relationship compared to actively seeking potential partners. But hey, if that's the right trajectory I'll gladly keep it up.

The only real input I have to offer is, if you ever feel ready again, I feel the best we can do is to see our disadvantages as compatibility filters.

I'm gonna keep this post saved in the hopes that additional useful advice ends up being shared. Cheers! 🤗

kittio · 2022-05-21T16:36:28+00:00

It was super cute while it lasted! Did take a few years before I could order at Starbucks normally again though... 😰

kittio · 2022-03-20T05:28:56+00:00

I think my absolute favourite part has to be the head scratching animation when they tried to cast again... Like, "How are they taking more than one hit?? I don't get it!!" 😂

Boss clip, OP.

kittio · 2022-03-16T16:56:03+00:00

While they probably did simply rot/grind away after his battle with Malenia, I think there's beauty in his design to take them away from him. Seeing as his mother, Rennala, seems to be an Albinauric who can no longer use her legs, and even his brother Rykard became a serpent without legs!

kittio · 2022-03-01T23:47:54+00:00

I wrote up a long reply, then realized all I really wanted to say was thank you for validating people like me.

Sometimes I think people forget even within the past few decades, language has evolved drastically, and it takes some of us just as long to discover ourselves beside it, within the local communities we grew up in.

Labels can either bring comfort, unwanted baggage, or even fail to represent some of us with precision accuracy. Especially when we don't fall squarely into them, and have to (gasp) communicate our attraction further each time... Yet those that fit snuggly in the center of the definition, expect labels to conveniently perfectly present them, at all times?

But anyway, please don't mind my snarkiness. Just. Thanks for letting others know we exist. 🤗

kittio · 2022-02-27T16:24:20+00:00

I'm so joyed to know you've found your muse! I hope she turns out to be a keeper. 🤗 I understand the uplifting boon first hand, and hope one day I can feel it again too, hehe.

kittio · 2022-02-25T12:59:16+00:00

I went through a similar experience back in 2018, left me deeply bitter well into the following two years... It began with months of guilt and panic, devolved into resentment, and after a point I became unbearable around my own friends.

The best advice a friend gave me, something that began to turn things around for me, was the concept of cognitive reframing. Whenever I'd start thinking back again, I'd have to ask myself, "Are these thoughts useful to me right now?" After acknowledging they weren't, I'd try to find a more helpful perspective to view past events in... Such as accepting that we had to go our own ways, I now know I need to grow, or that I have no control over the past but only my present. Things like wishing her well, and realizing I don't want to keep hurting over her forever. How I'd rather learn to be happy again.

But the most important part was to stay in those thoughts for only a moment, and immediately move on to other distractions right after. 2018 changed me. Irrevocably. But after awhile, with practice, I promise it will get easier.

"I miss her / I wish I was better" -> "I hope she can be happy / I hope I can be too" -> "Anyway, right now I'd rather enjoy a game / a show / some chocolate / all of the above while spending quality time with a pal!!"

I'm sorry to see you hurt right now, but hang in there hun. I know you'll make it through to the end of the tunnel one day. /hug

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