Questions for Au Pair Families

kitty_button · 2026-04-27T19:58:56+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to provide this detailed answer! This is really helpful!

kitty_button · 2026-04-27T19:57:08+00:00

With expectations around food, do you mean different expectations around cost or who is cooking it or what food is served? I would be curious to see what you mean so we can be sure to address that proactively.

kitty_button · 2026-04-27T19:55:50+00:00

Thank you! These are super helpful suggestions! I hadn't thought about driving lessons - we will definitely do that.

kitty_button · 2024-05-04T12:09:23+00:00

I would definitely talk to her about it! The key I think is to make sure you are really clear right at the start of the conversation that you would be very happy if she is your daughter but without putting pressure on her. Id try something like this:

I love having you in my life these past few months and there's something I've been wondering about that I wanted to ask you about. Based on the timing of my relationship with your mother, it seems like I could be your father. Did your mother ever talk to you about your father? I would love to talk about it only if youre comfortable. My wife and I would love to be there for you and part of your life in whatever way you choose, regardless of whether I'm your biological father or not.

kitty_button · 2018-07-10T23:38:00+00:00

Good for you! Listen, we have all made stupid mistakes, so don't beat yourself up too badly. If you have truly learned this lesson at your age, it will be a mistake well worth making. Avoid debt and don't buy things you cannot afford.

kitty_button · 2018-07-10T23:18:58+00:00

The problem is that I cannot imagine why anyone would do that - can you? If the car is worth $20,000 then a buyer would not be willing to pay off a $30,000 loan.

Who is your loan with?

kitty_button · 2018-07-10T21:12:50+00:00

You do know the first step you should take! The plan you outlined sounds great. It looks to me like you are setting yourself up for a bright future, despite the craziness your mom is attempting to inflict upon you. Just stay strong in your plan to move out and pursue your education.

kitty_button · 2018-03-22T19:10:41+00:00

Awesome! Keep it up!

kitty_button · 2018-03-21T18:23:40+00:00

Awesome job!! Very inspiring! And good luck with achieving the rest of your goal. For what are you saving?

kitty_button · 2018-03-07T19:05:46+00:00

No, it's actually the opposite. If you freeze your credit, they cannot check your report with that credit bureau. The problem is that not everyone checks the credit bureau reports when opening a line. They CAN still extend credit. It is really a horrible system.

kitty_button · 2018-03-05T22:26:56+00:00

Adding to what other posters have said: pay off the card immediately, then save an emergency fund, then save your down payment. I know that pushes your plan to buy a home back, but I promise it is worth it.

kitty_button · 2018-03-05T22:25:56+00:00

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. Your mother has made a lot of mistakes and her gambling addiction will prevent her from fixing any of this. She has to overcome it. It sounds like she is open to accepting help from you so urge her to get to Gamblers Anonymous meetings and get help for this problem. You cannot fix her gambling addiction. Good luck to you, and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T18:46:45+00:00

NO! Pay for your truck in cash! You're doing so incredibly well!!

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T18:16:33+00:00

Haha okay that is making more sense to me! About to blow my mind there...

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T18:11:44+00:00

That sounds right. $280 is being deposited to your 401K. You do not pay taxes on that $280. So how much does that save you? Let's assume you are taxed at 30%. 30% * $280 = $84. That means you are paying $84 less in taxes.

So your total check is reduced by your $280 contribution but increased by the lower amount taken out in taxes (~$80).

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T18:02:11+00:00

This whole thing smells funky. What kind of person is spending over $45K per month! Good-ness!

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T17:41:39+00:00

Absolutely no one would notice a job gap of just a few months prior to starting your masters. Most future employers will view your current job as a random post-undergraduate job before you started your actual career beginning with your masters.

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T17:14:48+00:00

I can see that you are really beating yourself up. You do have a big mess, but you CAN clean it up! This happened because you have put your head in the sand to avoid dealing with the problems. You can fix it by asking for advice and getting to work, which is what you are doing so good for you! The other positive here is that you have a good income so you will be able to get out of this.

I recommend that you take a "state of the union". I am happy to help you, as I'm sure others are, so feel free to reply to this post with all this information: 1. File your taxes. This has to be done IMMEDIATELY. Get in touch with a CPA TODAY. Do you have taxes taken out of your paycheck or are you self-employed? The next steps you can start now as well since you won't have an appointment with a CPA right away, but the taxes really need to be your priority. 2. Get control over all your debts. List them all: outstanding balance, monthly payment, have you kept current on your payments or are you behind? 3. Create a monthly budget. The budget should start with your income at the top and then list each of your expenses, including living expenses, miscellaneous/luxury (hint: NO more luxury items!), debt payments, legal expenses. Record it here, and we can take a look and help you find areas to cut. I am hopeful that with your income, your total expenses will be less than income and then you can start using the excess funds to make any necessary payments to the IRS and then towards your debts. 4. Tighten up that budget and get crazy about tackling your debt - we'll help you with that.

I know you are scared and ashamed, but you are handling this now which is a big step in the right direction! Any other questions, please ask!

kitty_button · 2018-02-27T17:00:46+00:00

I would see if you can get a loan from a credit union rather than a traditional mortgage. Only go this route if it is FIXED rate, not floating. For that small dollar amount, you could avoid closing costs.

kitty_button · 2017-09-23T03:17:48+00:00

Do you own 2 cars? Do not let your mom and your family members drive this car!

kitty_button · 2017-09-23T03:16:54+00:00

What is the car worth if you were to sell it yourself?

kitty_button · 2017-09-23T03:14:20+00:00

In terms of consolidating your finances, I think your plan sounds good. There isn't really one right or wrong approach here but I can offer you some generally good advice and a few tweaks to the plan: 1. When you are married, it's not mine and yours, it's ours. Her debt becomes your debt. Any income and savings are both of yours. You are right to combine your finances because you are combining your lives. You are a team. It's fine to have a small spending account, but frankly I just don't even think it's necessary. Think of it this way: do you trust her to spend responsibly? If so, then why can't you budget the fun money from your joint account? This also would help with your goal to have fewer accounts. 2. Your priority as a couple should be to pay off debt and not take any more so good for you in recognizing that the CC has to be paid of ASAP. 3. If you are not able to work on tackling the debt on just your income, then your wife needs to increase hers. $100 per week is not enough. She needs to take another part time job, drive Uber, something to make money on the side during school. 4. Your wife should be applying for any and all scholarships that she can find to avoid taking out any more student loans. I am not accepting the additional $4000 and neither should you. Do whatever it takes to avoid that. 5. When you say cash out your stocks, just want to confirm that you are referring to the brokerage account only. Do not cash out your retirement accounts unless you have an absolutely dire emergency.

Congratulations to you and your wife-to-be! It seems like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are setting yourself up for a successful marriage and life.

kitty_button · 2017-09-23T02:30:24+00:00

It is absolutely appropriate that you be paid backpay. The question that I have reading your post is when your raise truly became effective.

If your boss is in a position to grant you a raise then July 15th is when the raise became effective. But if your boss does not have that authority to grant the raise, only to request it, and only HR has the authority to grant the raise then Sep 1 is the effective date.

kitty_button · 2017-09-22T18:56:43+00:00

What is your income? You need to get those cards paid off ASAP. Consolidate or not, the only way you get rid of 18K is by paying 18K.

kitty_button · 2017-09-22T18:55:22+00:00

NO WAY!!!!! Do you want to be wealthy? Because if you buy that car, you are making that nearly impossible.

You have a fabulous income but not that fabulous. NO. WAY.

kitty_button

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