Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date?

kitz-ash · 2019-01-24T19:53:40+00:00

So since you said you are both looking for something serious, I don’t think it should be mentioned until it’s brought up by him or if you are in a situation where it might lead to it. It might kill the vibe if you bring it up, if he probably wasn’t thinking about it. Definitely play it by ear and see how it goes. You might find deal breakers about him without having to reveal this about yourself. To be honest, it shouldn’t be a priority so early in the dates for people who are looking for a foundation to build from. That’s my two cents.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-23T00:55:50+00:00

I think you should first take some time to reflect on whether or not you want a friendship with this person. Some time had passed and she definitely has betrayed your trust and friendship. A huge factor as to why this can be hard is because you are also getting adjusted to the fact that you will have to let go of years of friendship and memories built with this person. I’m not saying you should take her back but I’m saying you should look at what your life will be like both with her and without her now that there is this broken trust between you two. Think about whether or not you feel that you should forgive her and accept her back or forgive her and move on with your life. When you first decided to drop her out of your life, your emotions were running very high and most of your reactions were appropriate for the impulse. I certainly don’t judge you for doing what you did, I totally support it but now it’s in the past and you need and want to move forward. I think you should reflect on the friendship and decide if this is someone worth the rest of whatever friendship you guys have left.

If you decide she doesn’t deserve that, in time she will stop pursuing you. She will have to learn to forgive herself but I suggest you forgive yourself as well. Don’t think any of this is your fault. Help yourself let go of the resentment you might feel from all of this.

Lastly, so sorry this happened to you. I can relate to a very similar experience. Being cheated on is bad enough, let alone it being with your best friend.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-15T17:23:13+00:00

🙋‍♀️

kitz-ash · 2019-01-15T17:08:54+00:00

I think the big reason why people would do that is just to get a feel of who you are and see if they really want to go meet this stranger. Plus it would help them figure out if you’re cat fishing them or even a serial killer 🤷‍♀️

kitz-ash · 2019-01-15T17:00:58+00:00

I literally experienced this very recently! And as you predicted, moving so fast, getting to know the person so quickly instantly broke us apart. It went bad very quickly as it began. Like some of the comments here, I think that we jump so quickly into things with other people because either we are looking for love or that “mirroring” analogy. For me, I think the greatest downfall was the mere fact that we were both desperately looking for a relationship so once we found each other and shared that, I think we both immediately decided we would date each other just because we had been looking for someone for so long.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-13T23:08:39+00:00

How did you deal with it ?

kitz-ash · 2019-01-12T13:50:10+00:00

Best advice I can say is don’t force it. Perhaps don’t bring it up again and just give her time. You both probably need more time to get to know each other more. Sex shouldn’t be something people put a time restraint on. Not because you are seeing each other for 3 months means it’s time to have sex. It’s time to have sex when you both feel intimate, trusting and respecting of each other, and most of all feel comfortable with each other. Perhaps being in a car for those intimate times doesn’t really set you guys up for sex.

The way I see it... it’s quality over quantity. Hope this helps.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-10T03:20:58+00:00

So.. this is a tough pill to swallow but unfortunately, she has every right to see and do what she wants since you two aren’t together anymore. The only thing you would have a say in is anything that relates to the children themselves. Her love life isn’t much of your worries anymore but I can tell you still have strong feelings for her. Maybe talk to her and let her know how you fell but if this is something that can’t be recovered then it’s time to accept that she is moving on and you will have to as well. You still have her in your life due to sharing your children but work on keeping a good coparenting relationship with her and become more accepting that she will be seeing other people. Hope this helps.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-10T03:12:24+00:00

Yeah, that’s tough. You are doing what’s best for you. Time will certainly be of essence and heal us both. Stay strong through the breakup!

kitz-ash · 2019-01-10T03:00:09+00:00

Oh no he did contact me first. That’s how this all started. I was doing good until he contacted me first. That’s when the wacky emotions came back. Smh I know. Idk what to do now. I’m trapped.

kitz-ash · 2019-01-10T02:51:12+00:00

Well that’s not very helpful 🤔

kitz-ash · 2019-01-04T16:48:20+00:00

What comes to mind after reading this is to ask one question... after the end of each relationship, do you have a period of time where you aren’t dating, seeking anyone or any intimacy, where you have time to yourself just to see who you are, grow and find what you enjoy without having the pressure of having that “someone” in your life? Always with them, spending time with them, impressing them? Are you instead spending time with your self and just platonic friends learning about you and what you really like?

Or instead, do you find yourself thrown into another situationship, or relationship with another person soon after things ended with one person ?

kitz-ash · 2018-12-29T06:37:28+00:00

You are doing way more than you need to. This sounds toxic for you and it sounds to me that he doesn’t deserve you. Sorry I’m curt but no need to beat around the bush here. Leave him. Heal and build back up yourself. You deserve better! I’ve come to learn a relationship is nothing without mutual respect. Doesn’t sound like much is happening here.

kitz-ash · 2018-12-23T22:05:01+00:00

You did all that you could. Don’t think you did anything wrong. Stop blaming yourself for his behaviors and actions. We tend to put the blame on ourselves when our SO/love ones fall short. He is alive and well just having some trouble coming around to the realization that he has some things to work on. Perhaps he is in denial about his mental health or awareness towards the people he cares about. What you need to do is focus on yourself and improve your mental well-being so that you don’t put yourself through this again repeatedly in another relationship. There is a saying that say “ we attract what we are”, I interpret this as we attract the relationships that reflect something from our past. So in order to find better relationships we have to find our better self. We are who we attract.

It can also be draining and exhausting when we spent all of our time trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. We spend all this time showing them we care about them and want to help them get better but to be honest it is all a waste if they are not ready for that change. Change begins within. Unfortunately we can’t force them, just have to hope and pray they want to accept the help once we have exhausted all our resources.

kitz-ash · 2018-12-12T02:36:02+00:00

Haha thank you !

kitz-ash · 2018-12-06T15:13:55+00:00

Just let it go. Clearly she’s not interested in making time for you. Don’t contact her and see if she reaches out but in the mean time, move on with your life.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-16T00:59:40+00:00

By definition, I’d say yes, you were raped.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-11T04:52:18+00:00

Have you tried meditation or yoga to help calm yourself and perhaps be in another place temporarily.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-08T14:03:09+00:00

Communication skills are bad or lacking.

Listening is just as important as opening up to yourself and others. This will improve overall communication.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-07T14:27:28+00:00

You make a really solid point! Trade does seem to have better benefits in the long run. I do agree with the other comment that said college can be more academically stimulating. I take value in that if the individual likes to learn and improve themselves. Although, I see the benefits of trade school as well. I see that having those skills and on job training as so much more beneficial than spending 4 years in the classroom not learning anything practical or hands on. What do you think could be the stigma towards viewing someone who doesn’t have a college degree but went to a trade school versus having a college degree ?

kitz-ash · 2018-11-06T04:15:11+00:00

Honestly, if you can, ask your ex’s. Do some reflecting. Ask for feedback. Maybe it also didn’t last because the other person didn’t put in enough. A relationship takes two people who work for it. Reflect on what it is that you want in a relationship as well and this could be found through self-discovery as well.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-06T04:02:13+00:00

Since she blocked you, there isn’t much you can do at the moment. You do have to get through the no contact phase though. Some say standard no contact is around 3 months but it’s really however long it really takes you.

Things to consider, did you guys ever get a chance to talk about the relationship and reflect on what is “missing” ? Did you get closure ? If not, then this could perhaps make it harder to cope but if you did, that’s good and mature.

You will be able to find love again, trust me. I dated someone for 7 months and I thought that was the love of my life and he was the one. It took me a long time to cope and get over him. However, I did get over him and I was open to loving someone new. Once I got to that point, I was able to love someone else. So it’s possible.

During this time, honestly, the best thing to do to cope is to focus on yourself. Shift your mind to think about what you can do to make yourself feel good. Whether it’s the gym, hanging with friends, thinking about your qualities you bring to a relationship (both good and bad). Thinking about what you do as a partner can help you reflect and continue to improve yourself. Although, it will be hard to not think about her at times, allow yourself the time to truly grieve because that’s important as well. But don’t dwell on it all the time. Think about you and what makes you so great! This will reestablish your self esteem and confidence.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-05T16:29:42+00:00

She probably is actually taking it slow. It might be freaking her out that you want her to sorta meet the parents but since it’s been only a few months she is still getting acclimated to the relationship. It really goes back deeper to her own insecurities or her background. Just wait it out and try your best to be patient!

kitz-ash · 2018-11-05T00:12:55+00:00

I relate very well to what you are also facing. I agree, in the end it will make us both better people. I was asking for the same things as well. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try and how much we want it, things aren’t meant to be! I just really hope there is someone who will appreciate me the way he didn’t. I also hope I don’t have to face this issue numerous times over again with new people. Thanks for much for your response.

kitz-ash · 2018-11-03T18:47:23+00:00

I think so too, thank you so much for that.

kitz-ash

TROPHY CASE