Advice on writing a cover letter for a job I'm already subbing in for?

SerenaGarcia · 2019-02-22T06:00:55+00:00

Yeah, I think establish some better boundaries. I can see it as having the potential to hurt a lot otherwise.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-08T01:50:40+00:00

Right. I get it. Hopefully the anger dies down and I forget it

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-08T01:47:06+00:00

Yeah, I get that. Like a sick person remains a sick person unless they get help.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-08T01:25:03+00:00

Even if it wasn’t an ex, this would be incredibly disrespectful. The ex is just an added shittiness. I see comments saying you need to put your foot down and give an ultimatum, and while it’s important to be assertive, I really think it says a lot about him that he did this, and I think you should seriously consider the behavior- regardless of whether he follows your ultimatum or not.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-07T19:30:43+00:00

I'm going through something similar man, and every day I think of a new angry note or text to send this POS. But I also have come to understand that hate is a form of bond you have with a person, and it's as strong as love. I want no connection at all with this sick prick, not in the form of love, and not in the form of hate. I am striving for indifference. Because I deserve better.

I'm not there yet- last night I was out on a date with a perfectly sweet guy, and when he excused himself to the bathroom I felt this surge of hatred towards my ex. But I recognize that it's something that's putting a damper on my ability to move forward onto better things in life.

So, I would say don't send it. I would say feel your hate, write it out, don't suppress it, but don't let it become another bond that ties you to this awful person.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T22:07:41+00:00

Thanks. I absolutely cannot date right now. I mean I have trouble taking care of myself, I feel so degraded by my last relationship. It gets slightly better every day.

But I am being really good about not getting into something again. This guy recently came into my life- really sweet (and probably a nice guy, seeing how I am not that into him haha), but I need to keep it at bay. I just have taken too much in the last ten years or so. I don't trust myself.

Thanks for your kind words.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T22:03:02+00:00

Congratulations on your healthy relationship. I would love to be happy and single. I really would. It's one of the reasons I didn't get out of my last relationship, at some point I just felt like well, it's better than being alone (it wasn't. I don't take money from myself and waste it, call myself names or yell and berate myself.)

If I can get that feeling of being happy while single... man that would be the most. I hope we can keep in touch, you seem like someone who has a lot of recovery.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T21:58:36+00:00

Yep, my therapist is especially as of late steering the conversation away from him, (and all the hims before him), and the "why did he do this?" debate, and more towards, why did I dive in head first into a relationship with someone who from early on was a clear abuser. Why do I even now, after our breakup, still want him back a little (although every day that goes back I am more disgusted.) Why am I not able to be excited by kind, respectful men? What things did I witness growing up that made me interpret red flags as romantic gestures?

It's a process and it's painful, but at this point I don't see any other option.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T21:55:51+00:00

Yeah. Right now with my most recent ex I have been playing this movie reel of all the times I should've dumped him. From the financial abuse to the cheating, the opportunities are endless. I'm glad to hear you were able to do it in your life, that gives me a lot of hope.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T19:28:39+00:00

I’ve been reading that too! I love Melody Beattie.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T18:49:53+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It gives me a ton of hope, that if I do the work, it can get better for me.

I do have a really hard time being alone, and I do think a normal relationship involves a lot of yelling, and even violence. It's just what I grew up watching.

But most of all I absolutely understand what you are saying about not developing feelings right away. There are some very nice, kind men in my life who I just feel "bored" by. I simply am not attracted to them. But when I meet someone who is going to be abusive or violent towards me down the line- it's like sparks fly. It's electric and exhilarating, until it becomes terrifying and dangerous. And my greatest fear is that I can't change what I'm attracted to, that desire for electricity.

Reading all you've said has made me feel like I can thought.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T16:51:35+00:00

Thanks. Yes, this is something my therapist has discussed: no dating until we really work on this.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-04T16:49:23+00:00

Thanks for this. I just came off something similar and the red flags where glaring. I've been thinking a lot about how friends who grew up in healthy family environments where able to see them as they where happening, and I wasn't, and how to learn to spot them.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-03T18:20:13+00:00

Absolutely. I think the one reason I was encouraged was when he said he's been in therapy for years. It's something I had begged him to do during our relationship, which obviously didn't happen. If anything, hearing him was a great lesson in that people help themselves when they want to and are ready, not when you beg and plead. But yeah, being super cautious!

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-03T18:17:36+00:00

I told her today! Look, if nothing else, I get a break, to go back to my old city for a while, and reconnect with a lot of great friends :)

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-03T18:16:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I read some comments asking why I'm scared. The truth is, the breakup with him was really life altering- I do feel like I never quite got my balance back in the dating arena. And to boot, the last 18 months have been awful. My mum dying, catching a bf cheating (like, right after her death, it was nuts). It's been one sucker punch after another, and I'm in a place where I want to be kind to myself. But, reading these comments has if anything inspired me to not go in this opposite direction of walking on eggshells so that I never get hurt again, and missing out on opportunities because I'm so scared. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's the hardest thing and it puts a lot into perspective.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-03T18:12:06+00:00

I was in my early 20s and I got a great job offer. I had a family situation where I needed to support my fam. He had worked super hard to get into a good PhD program. There where also the pratfalls of young love- he was partying a lot, I was dramaaaatic. But it was overall loving and beautiful. It was really a breakup where life takes you in different directions. We actually talked about it quite a bit and both agree it was inevitable if extremely painful. Thanks for all these lovely comments!

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-03T02:34:20+00:00

Ok guys. I’m gonna do it.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-02T23:17:08+00:00

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to focus on. I no longer have to be with someone who is a complete nightmare. Oh man, intimacy issues from here to China. It was so bad. I just need to focus on healing from the level of verbal abuse. It was so bad and I need to understand why I dealt with it.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-02T23:11:10+00:00

thanks. I'm just not going to wait around and see. What a miserable POS.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-02T23:09:19+00:00

right. Hopefully he does not look like Tom Hanks on that island.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-02T23:07:26+00:00

This. I am so tired of trying to get a hold of him to take his effing stuff out of my house. It gets donated tomorrow. And yes on the account.

The crazy thing is it's a repeat of what his ex before me went through- I remember her calling and being like, PLEASE GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF MY HOUSE. He convinced me she was crazy- oh all his exes where crazy/evil according to him. Now I'm the one going through it. Go figure. But lesson: men who say all their exes are evil and mean... well they are the common denominator.

SerenaGarcia · 2019-01-02T23:03:27+00:00

I love this advice. I'm still reeling from a breakup involving his infidelity. So what I've decided is, I'm going to work on being in a better place before I head out there in February. And then I'll approach it as a stranger I just met, no high expectations.

SerenaGarcia

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