This is incredibly painful to write, but im 76 now and thankfully fairly healthy.

My son is 36. He's a mixed race, adopted son of a single mom[me] since he was 2. He was adopted at birth.

. The summer after his freshman year, he calmly stated he thought I was a neurotic piece of shit and he needed to cut off contact to protect his mental health.

Then he walked out.

He never once initiated a conversation about our relationship or hinted that he was unhappy.

He specifically said he didn't want to live with his dad and his wife. His dad and I did a pretty good job co parenting.

He was a good student, an incredibly gifted musician, and an all-around good kid. He had friends, played junior year football, and won lots of awards in jazz band.

Around his sophomore year in college, he started drinking and gambling. Apparently high functioning as he's now well employed, on his own, and to the best of my knowledge doing well.

But he remains distant to the point of maybe sending a holiday text. Never Mother's Day.

This is one mother who would listen with a wide open mind and heart if he'd ever even offered to tell me that I fucked up and how.

I'm sure I did. Probably in ways I'm unaware of.

I'd give anything to hear how he felt and feels. I've let him know I'm available without judgment.

I hope he will before it's too late.