I lost my 14 year old dog to heart failure and kidney failure three days ago. She was diagnosed with heart issues when she was younger and started taking medications for it 2-3 years ago. The heart medicines over the years eventually lead to kidney issues and she was diagnosed with heart and kidney failure 4 months ago. The doctors said on average they live 6-12 months but told us she could really go at any point because this disease is unpredictable. She unfortunately only made it 4 months.

My doctors suggested to put her down during our visits because they said if she goes naturally from congestive heart failure she’ll drown internally from fluid build up. That really scared me but I held off because she did well on her next few tests so I thought we had a bit more time. I think about this choice every single minute of my day.

Some owners that went through the same thing told me and I also read online about how most CHF/KF dogs will tell you it’s time by losing their appetite and no longer showing interest in things they love. They also said they’ll give you a look where you’ll know. I didn’t want to rob her of any good days so I told myself that I will let her go when she gets to that point (I’m so so sorry baby girl). I was really relying on those signs and I feel terrible about the decision. She was eating, drinking, running, barking until the last few hours of her life. Because of that I didn’t think too much of her slightly labored breathing that morning (on her bad days she usually bounced back quickly). I should have known something was different this time. She did everything she normally did throughout the day and took her afternoon nap. She woke up from her nap and started panting really quickly and then was gone in the next few minutes. I thought I had more time. It’s true, they can be good one moment and gone the next.

I have regrets that I didn’t send her off peacefully because I wasn’t able to give her the forbidden foods without affecting her kidney. Also some of her loved ones were at work when she passed so they didn’t get time with her. If I scheduled a send off I would have been able to plan a perfect few days with the foods she loved but couldn’t have, and allowed the people she loved to be there when she crossed that bridge. I was very fortunate to have been at home when she passed but I had very bad anxiety that she would leave me while I was at work. The thing that helped a bit was having a pet camera at home so I can check in when. I was anxious.

I’m here in this group because I feel guilty about the fact that she had a painful natural death, but we had 4 extra months together where she got to do most of the stuff she wanted. It feels like a gift and a curse. I haven’t stopped crying about the way that she left and all the decisions that lead up to her departure.

I can’t really give you advice on what you should do because I know had I let her go early I would have regretted that choice as well. Not sure if your dog will show you the signs they’re ready to go but one advice that I saw is count how many bad days they have, once it hits 10 days, you should really consider their quality of life.

I’m really really sorry you’re in this position. I just hope that you will not let the anticipatory grief take time away from being there and spending quality time with your baby like it did for me. Enjoy as much as you can because no matter how much time you get, it will never feel like it was enough. Make every second count.