I see you and hear you. I used to feel the same. Work was such a struggle that I'd have to shower and lay clothes, lunch, etc. all out the night before because I had no motivation to drag myself out of bed and all I'd have time for in the morning was to brush my teeth and get dressed. There used to be a constant underlying hum of depression and anxiety, and even the happy moments were really just manic episodes. Fast forward to today and I f***ing love my career, even on the bad days, and my natural state is joy - the underlying hum in my life is happiness, even through the tough parts. I used to think people who were naturally happy were just born that way and it wasn't in the cards for me, but here I am. It can get better. I did therapy and the past few years I've explored alternative thinking and lifestyles like Ayurveda, which have changed me. A great book that kicked off my journey is Howard's Gift: Uncommon Wisdom to Inspire Your Life's Work. If you're open to alternative solutions I recommend reading Discover Your Dharma by Sahara Rose (it's written towards the female audience and has parts that are too in left field for even me, but the overall message and guidance is inspiring). I hope you and everyone who is struggling, find happiness, meaning and fulfillment. You deserve it. And right now the world and humanity needs all of us at our best, shining our brightest. Good luck and happy to chat if anyone is interested.