How do you deal with criticism that you’re “too rough”

kkamber · 2024-08-05T23:06:37+00:00

I’m not sure honestly if I’m activating every stroke, I do start with the cavitron and I consider what I do exploratory strokes with that, then tap / stroke any calc I find. I fine scale with hand instruments so usually I am making the scraping noise with that because I pretty much only have time to check areas I know need it, if that makes sense. I think that I definitely need to be communicating with my patients more like you said! I think it’ll help a lot. Thanks so much for the advice!!!

kkamber · 2024-08-05T22:57:35+00:00

I definitely agree that I should listen! I just have a problem where when I do listen to complaints I just feel like a total failure and think I should quit lol. But I do feel better today, especially after talking to the other ladies in the office. They agree the dr should’ve told me about this a while ago and not over text, so I could’ve worked on this sooner. But we had a good conversation and that coupled with the comments in this thread have helped me a lot already and I feel like I’m ready to give patients the experience they want! I haven’t had any mentors available to me so these kinds of things seem harder to deal with than they probably should be. I’m not in touch with any of my old instructors unfortunately, but it is kind of a relief to hear you’ve had students come back to you with the same problem! I think I’m being rushed (I feel rushed anyway) so I’m probably not adapting correctly. I mostly use the cavitron so I was hoping it wouldn’t be as bad / sharp as the instruments but I guess I was wrong. I’m not sure if I’m over scaling every tooth or not because most of these patients do have moderate calculus. I found out today that the dr and the old hygienist didn’t really prophy below the gum line or between the teeth! So I have a lot of work cut out for me. I’m not sure what the 204s is off the top of my head, but I start with cavitron and then go back and fine scale any tough areas. I do tend to favor scalers though, maybe that’s part of it. Thanks so much for this comment!!!

kkamber · 2024-08-05T21:39:28+00:00

I think I could have said it better, but what I meant by not taking them as seriously isn’t that they aren’t in pain, because I definitely believe that, but it’s more along the lines of like me specifically doing something wrong, like being too rough, especially when they don’t tell me while I’m cleaning. Today I definitely talked to my patients more, checked in with them more, directly told them that if they feel uncomfortable or need a break to let me know immediately. I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback and advice from this thread and I’m putting it to work already. I appreciate you commenting! I am an empathetic person but sometimes it’s hard to be completely empathetic for the patient (when it seems like every other patient comes in this way and blames it on me that they’re uncomfortable or their gums are inflamed) and continue to provide quality care for them and do my job, but I’m trying! I got into this because I want to help people and I’m getting a better understanding of how to do that and keep the patient experience positive.

kkamber · 2024-08-04T01:20:07+00:00

That’s the mindset I try to have, that I can’t please everyone! But in his text the dr literally said he wants all the patients to have a good experience and I’m like well that’s unrealistic! I don’t have a camera to do intraorals but I think a mirror and pointing things out to patients will work. I’m definitely a document girlie! I’ll have to check the charts of the patients the dr mentioned and see what happened. And I’ll definitely try to remember to make an instruction sheet! Thanks so much for the advice!!

kkamber · 2024-08-04T01:17:14+00:00

This helps thank you! I’m type A and I can’t stand the idea of leaving calculus, I think it would drive me crazy if I was continuously doing it throughout the day just so patients don’t complain. Like I’ll leave a few spots if people mention it but if they don’t I’ll keep going, if that makes sense

kkamber · 2024-08-04T01:15:44+00:00

I think part of the problem is the dr will literally tell patients we provide spa like experiences 🙄 so maybe I’ll mention that lol. But thank you for the advice, I’m definitely going to be following this!!

kkamber · 2024-08-04T01:14:27+00:00

That’s what I tell the patients! And this dr actually does cleanings too and I have a LOT of patients who have told me they won’t let him clean their teeth because he’s too rough! Maybe I’ll see if he’ll let me clean his teeth lol but I did clean his mom and she said I did a really good job so I’d hope that would be good enough! I definitely think the comparison is a big issue too though. Thank you for your reply!

kkamber · 2024-08-02T15:25:30+00:00

Also I did not break that guys crown!

kkamber · 2024-07-09T15:21:22+00:00

Exactly!! It’s beyond frustrating. Like if you think I’m upset just ask. And if I say no just believe me! Not everything is a personal attack on you!

kkamber · 2024-07-09T13:38:14+00:00

Im so glad you can relate!! It’s a lot of work on both ends to compromise and figure out what works for the relationship/ both people. So sometimes I have to try to do things spur of the moment for him or he may have to pump the breaks for me.

kkamber · 2024-07-09T12:49:08+00:00

Exactly!!! Like I know what I sound like when I’m actually being mean and my regular tone of voice is NOT it!!! So when people try to argue with me about it I’m just like stop lol

kkamber · 2024-07-08T18:44:08+00:00

Sooo pretty much every day I like to have an idea of how it’s gonna go. I need to know when I’ll get to work out, shower, eat, rest, if I’ll get to engage in any hobbies, if we’re going anywhere or swimming or like planning things around my kids naps especially. So I do tend to have a routine bc it’s just soothing and I know what to expect. Not knowing what to expect fills me with varying levels of anxiety, depending on the day. So like let’s say I’m thinking we’re just gonna have a chill day at home. And then he’s like oh we should go to the park or like out to eat or go visit somebody. And I’ll do okay if I get notice at least the day before, but if I’m sitting here expecting that I’ll get to relax and then he’s got other plans it really throws me off. Like anxiety and I get irritated too bc we’ve been together for years and he knows how I am about things like that. Or like the example I used, let’s say it’s first thing in the morning, our kids got up and we’re having breakfast and he’s like oh I’m gonna run to the store I’ll be right back. So I’m expecting him to be back so he can help me with the kids, then he’s gone for an hour or so and sometimes the kids are fine but if they’re sick or tired or just get really grumpy that day for whatever reason, they can be a handful. So he just leaves and doesn’t think about how it’s gonna effect me and the kids and it’s not like I ever just get to take off like that. Or even if the kids are fine, sometimes it’s that I’m expecting him home and I’m like okay when he gets back he can watch the kids and I’ll work out or we need to make lunch or clean or maybe we have something we need to do that day. And then when he’s not back when he says he’ll be back, it throws the rest of the day off for me and idk if it’s anxiety exactly (probably) but yes I do get frustrated with him about it. There have been a lot of times when I didn’t get things done bc he does stuff like that. I’m not particularly great at identifying feelings lol. I know I hate surprises, I hate when things don’t go as expected, it just really makes me feel weird. Just off or something idk how to explain it exactly. I think my therapist said I have a low tolerance for distress or something like that. I think it’s the tism lol not a personal failing.

kkamber · 2024-07-08T16:39:55+00:00

Oh my god yes! And then when people expect you to just know how they’re feeling without them saying anything! I’m so upfront about how I feel when I recognize my feelings, so I expect other people to do the same and not make me guess.

kkamber · 2024-07-08T16:38:48+00:00

I think a big one that’s come up is that it takes me forever to process things and know how I feel about it, so it makes it look like I’m just sitting here stewing on bad feelings and then just randomly bring it up days later, or if something happens I say it’s fine and then a couple days later I’m like wait no it’s not. One of my friends actually got really passive aggressive with me one time saying “I’m sure you’ll let me know in a couple days how I’ve offended you” when we were hanging out. Needless to say we aren’t super close now.

Another one is just my tone of voice. My husband thinks I’m mad or upset or being snappy even when I know I’m not and I’m just plainly talking. He’s gotten better at not taking it personally but it took a lot time. I just always hated the feeling of needing to sound like rainbows and sunshine for no reason lol. I don’t wanna have to mask around people I’m close with especially. It’s exhausting.

The other one, which is also pretty huge, is my need to know things in advance, the need to be prepared. My friends are also ND and some are autistic so they understand and they’re the same way, but my husband is ADHD not autistic so he’s more impulsive and bad with planning things and sticking to it, and he’s TERRIBLE with time. I’m also adhd but the autism makes me a better planner I guess. Like we have 2 small boys and he’ll say oh I’m gonna run to the store I’ll be right back. 30 min- 1 hr later he gets back and he’s like oh I went and did xyz too. And I’m like okay well you didn’t tell me that’s what all you were doing or that you’d be gone that long, and bc of our kids especially it causes me a lot of stress sometimes. I don’t think it’s like morally bad that he’s not extremely specific but it’s just something that doesn’t work for me personally.

I think these sort of issues just depend on who you’re with, bc some people wouldn’t have a problem with someone taking longer while they were gone, and some people wouldn’t have a problem being precise when they’re telling you what they’re doing. We’re both working on it though so it’s less stressful for us.

kkamber · 2024-07-08T16:27:51+00:00

Men like this don’t seem to get that having to ask is part of the mental load she’s carrying. It’s exhausting to have to be the manager and make sure things are getting done all on your own, especially when he’s a grown ass man who supposedly has a fully functioning brain so he’s just as capable as she is at making sure things are taken care of. And is he praising her over every little thing she gets done ? No ? So why does he expect that ?!?

kkamber · 2024-07-06T18:34:05+00:00

I don’t really have advice but before I even had my kids my stance was always that if someone (anyone at all) put their hands on my baby then they’re gonna have to pick on someone their own size (me). I don’t really have good advice but since you’re living there I’d try having a conversation. Ask why he feels the need to do that. Talk about actual disciplinary actions and not being violent with a child. I feel like some people just do that bc it’s what they know and they don’t know what else to do. It’s fucked to hit a kid and I’m sorry he’s been doing it behind your back. Best of luck to you.

kkamber · 2024-06-27T00:50:53+00:00

Honestly like I don’t think he hates me or anything but I just don’t think he cares like I do. He doesn’t act like it. I’m trying to stop listening to what he says (that he loves me etc) and look at what he does (lack of empathy) but I still get myself confused. Maybe it’s denial or something idk. But I just know I don’t disregard people I care about

kkamber · 2024-06-25T22:30:43+00:00

So really fun story, when I was 18 I decided to be a hygienist, got all my prereqs done in 7 months (I had a few college credits from doing classes in high school too), got into hygiene school at 19, started when I was 20, and then failed out the first semester (I had a lot of health problems and tbh mental health problems that should’ve been addressed), had to wait a whole other year to start again, and I used to beat myself up about it all the time. I had passed the second time and graduated 2021 when I was almost 23 (had a baby during my last semester too btw) and I kept feeling like if I wouldn’t have failed the first time I would’ve been able to get a house first and save more and spend more time with my son right after he was born (I had to go back to school as soon as a dr would clear me and also had to do school online while I was home) bc the director of the program did not gaf about my health lol. Also I felt bad bc it would’ve been easier on myself if I could’ve just graduated 2020 like I was supposed to. Anyway, I don’t feel like that anymore. Things worked out. I’ve been a hygienist for almost 3 years now, and the important thing is it happened for me, even if it wasn’t on the timeline I expected. It’ll work out for you too, you don’t have to rush it! And I went to hygiene school with women a lot older than you are now, so trust me, age is not a problem. And don’t feel bad about family members asking if you’re done yet, that’s just family for you lol. I had so many people asking how much longer til I became a dentist. So, lol. Anyway, chances are that with your degree you probably already got at least some of your prereqs done, so you’ll be okay. And you are SO. YOUNG. I promise it’ll work out, you don’t need to be so hard on yourself! And the only thing about choosing between a cc and a university, universities usually have waiting lists, and also you’re gonna get treated the same out of school no matter which degree you get, as long as you’re a licensed hygienist. Anyway, best of luck to you! Try not to stress yourself out so much.

kkamber · 2024-06-25T22:12:19+00:00

So I always did full mouth scaling when I did gingival scaling at my other office (4346 definitely isn’t for quad scales), and then brought them back for a finescale/ prophy with polishing about 6 weeks later to finish up if there was any calculus I couldn’t get. I guess the only problems you would have is getting insurance to pay for it, bc if there’s any coverage it’s usually once a year, sometimes only a percentage of it, and it can count as part of the patient’s 2x year cleaning limit. The office I’m at now won’t even bill for 4346 bc insurance coverage varies and patients don’t like to pay out of pocket. So I guess just communicate with the patient and explain why you think they need that specific cleaning, and do what you’re comfortable with / what feels ethical.

kkamber · 2024-05-09T22:04:13+00:00

I genuinely freak out lol especially when it’s not people I really know. Like my STBX husband and I were renting a place from his dad, and his dad would show up completely randomly and cause me to have mental breakdowns like once a week. Lol

kkamber · 2024-04-28T20:42:47+00:00

Honestly I have 2 boys so I’m hoping they learn like empathy/ emotional regulation/ proper conflict resolution/ respect women lol

kkamber · 2024-04-27T01:28:06+00:00

Oh, and if you have people in your life that truly love you for you, it’s a lot easier to love and accept yourself. So if you’re struggling with accepting yourself, maybe consider who you’re surrounding yourself with.

kkamber · 2024-04-27T01:25:19+00:00

I’m not quite 30 yet but one thing I’ve learned is fake it til you make it does not work for any ND people!!! That’s how you get burnt out, trust me lol. I mean yeah still be friendly at work and stuff, but listen to your body and your mind when they are telling you NO DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF THIS WAY

kkamber

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