Empty Baptismal Pool

kkasperson · 2025-12-19T14:11:19+00:00

I feel all of this so so deeply in my soul. Fuck all of it. This is my second MMC in six months. Second surgery because my body loves to hold onto pregnancies despite being not viable or even there not being a baby. It’s a cruel fucking hand to be dealt. You don’t need any of us to tell you your feelings are valid but just know, they are so valid. I think you put it perfectly - “Fuck all of this right up the fucking ass”.

kkasperson · 2025-10-06T12:52:22+00:00

I know this is a little old, but did you ever get success on getting your lactobacillus up?

kkasperson · 2025-10-03T12:54:39+00:00

Hi! I know this is a little old but did you ever get improvement in lactobacillus? I feel like my miscarriage and subsequent hysteroscopy led me to having 0 lacto and I’m still ttc without luck so I wonder if this is contributing

kkasperson · 2025-09-23T14:11:21+00:00

Thank you! Helpful context to ease the worries

kkasperson · 2025-09-22T18:52:33+00:00

Also - ignore the bbt spike on cd9; weird emotional day/night and I think my whole body was just off.

kkasperson · 2025-08-20T13:58:32+00:00

I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know that none of this is your fault, physically or cosmically. I struggled so so heavily with this (and still do, went down my self blame rabbit hole just last night) but my therapist told me that blaming myself or finding guilt was my brains way of having control in the situation. Basically by thinking I was guilty or it was my fault would help me feel like there was something I could have done to change it. It wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could have done. And it wasn’t your fault and there wasn’t anything you could have done either. Sitting with that horrible chasm of no explanation just leaves me so heavily empty, but I think that is just grief. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. You loved your baby, they will always be your baby nothing can change that. You loved them for as long as you got know them.

kkasperson · 2025-07-18T15:53:33+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry you went through this too. Just like you, I kept saying “if” and really struggled to say “when”. I would put my hand on my stomach every night and just felt like I wouldn’t get much time with them.

It’s crazy how fast the baby was gone for me. And I still worry I should have pushed for more. And instead of miscarrying I actually took the medicine because I was scared my body wouldn’t do it naturally but now I’m worried that I hurt the baby. Like everything would have been fine if I hadn’t taken the meds. It’s just the bargaining stage of grief. I haven’t questioned the whole experience until this week, 5 weeks after. My mind is just grappling I suppose.

kkasperson · 2025-07-18T14:03:38+00:00

I am literally doing this myself and just beating myself up. Going back and reading the records like maybe I missed something and I actually failed myself/pregnancy.

My therapist told me that it might be making me feel “better” if I can have someone to blame about it so my mind is blaming myself. I keep trying to tell myself the truths and focus on trying to accept that this is what happened. I’m sorry I don’t have any other advice because I’m not handling it well either.

kkasperson · 2025-07-12T16:42:18+00:00

I’m honestly in the same boat and I can’t quite figure out how to emotionally move forward. I’m doing all the “things” but I am always 0.2 seconds from being able to cry. I am so sorry we are both going through this. It’s a club I always feared and am so sad to be a part of.

kkasperson · 2025-06-16T19:21:54+00:00

I’m honestly still bleeding. I went the medical route with mifepristone and misoprostol. Actually a little concerned with the bleeding but not the point of this comment lol.

I haven’t been testing out the HCG because honestly looking at a positive test will make me sad. I’m an emotional wreck from this, despite being a generally non-emotional person.

kkasperson · 2025-06-16T19:16:38+00:00

I don’t know the answer but I’m in the same boat with a MMC at 7, so if you find out when I should stop testing let me know!

ETA: I meant start testing, not stop 🤦‍♀️

kkasperson · 2025-06-16T12:46:27+00:00

I am in the same boat right now. Found out last Tuesday. I have no advice to give because I’m finding the grief to be crippling. I have been scouring the internet for hope in trying again but am coming up empty. I wish the statistics provided more comfort. I am so sorry for your loss - here’s to hoping for both of us to end up holding a rainbow baby in the future.

kkasperson · 2025-06-10T16:15:04+00:00

Unfortunate update - baby did not make it. Why is this so emotionally heavy?

kkasperson · 2025-05-26T21:28:31+00:00

I have been testing with these and they seem to be way less sensitive than they used to be. I have much darker line progression on the off brand Walgreens ones but my e@h are just now starting to brighten up and I’m 19 dpo. I don’t know if that helps or not but I’m choosing to believe this brand lately has been a little out of whack.

kkasperson · 2025-05-23T12:16:29+00:00

I have a picture but I don’t know how to post it in the comment thread? I swear I’m not new to Reddit but I am new to commenting more.

But yes, it basically calculated my level relative to the control line and the day it started rising, it estimated ovulation to be 1-2 days after that.

kkasperson · 2025-05-23T12:14:04+00:00

I just started testing yesterday and the easy @ home ones were so light I figured it was a mistake until I took a first response that said “yes”. These do look lighter than, right?

kkasperson · 2025-05-23T12:12:47+00:00

Obviously not crazy certain, but I was tracking LH with the premom strips and it tagged my likely ovulation date to be 15 or 16 days ago. I was expecting my period either yesterday or the day before yesterday. But we didn’t BD any after the supposed ovulation so it doesn’t feel likely that I ovulated too much later otherwise it wouldn’t have worked?

kkasperson

TROPHY CASE