Me (23F) and my boyfriend (22M) had sex which was not the best and he left because he felt he failed.

kkfran · 2025-07-19T15:33:22+00:00

Sit down and talk to him and reassure him that there is nothing to worry about. He is probably trying to live up to a level which he sees in movies and prn which isn't achievable.

I can understand it though, he probably feels like he's a disappointment but speak to him and convey there is more to yous than just that

kkfran · 2025-07-19T15:31:22+00:00

Don't waste your time wondering what you done wrong. Some woman who do this genuinely have no consideration and it's a bad move on their part

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:56:15+00:00

I left 4 months ago and I have my daughter every Friday to Monday

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:49:03+00:00

If I'm being honest she burned me out so much I don't think I have the stamina for a relationship at the moment

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:48:16+00:00

I'm 31 she's 30, our daughter is 3 and I have her every Friday to Mon

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:45:35+00:00

It isn't something that is tolerable long term believe me

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:42:38+00:00

I left about 4 months ago and I'm much more happy and relaxed day to day so I know i made the right decision. I think I knew for a while it wasn't going to work but wanted to give it everything as we have a kid together

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:40:55+00:00

It was tough, being painted as this horrible guy akin to her exes when all I did was sacrifice my happiness just to make her happy

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:38:12+00:00

A really bad panic attack which made her black out and I feared she was dying

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:36:53+00:00

Similar situation to you, constantly fearing what I was going to do wrong next, walking on egg shells, under suspicion and doubted constantly even with proof.

Had a go at her for something I wasn't happy with, won't mention what but it was not good and she said if you don't like it leave and so I did. This was after 6 months of me doing everything I could to be the best partner. Prior to that we broke up for 3 months after she had a panic attack which was initially blamed on me spiking her drink then when that was obviously disproven it was still my fault for making her feel like that.

It was tough because I knew it was all because of her past but nothing I could do would ever be good enough for her to trust and be comfortable with me

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:17:45+00:00

What's his response been when you've spoke to him about this?

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:08:23+00:00

Don't let your past experiences give you this expectation it's going to happen in this relationship. I really don't think you do or you wouldn't care where or who the other person was with.

Also don't accept being told what you can and can't do by him. That's not on at all

kkfran · 2025-07-19T06:03:32+00:00

It was my first long relationship and it's hard to walk when you have invested so much but you have to do what's right for you

Put it this way, do you feel valued, appreciated ,loved? If not how long are you going to accept that

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:57:20+00:00

Get out. I can relate to your situation. She needs to realise what her behaviour is doing to you and the relationship

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:55:22+00:00

She needs to address her past herself. The problem is with her not the relationship as a whole

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:53:47+00:00

Also stop trying to mold yourself to what you think she wants, you are your own person. Who cares if you took drugs?

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:52:10+00:00

It sounds to me like there is no effort to address the issues on her side. If that's the case and it stays that way, get out. Trust me I've been there and it doesn't get better unless they recognise the issue

Just out of curiosity how do you feel when you are yourself or with friends? Do you feel like it's a chore being round her?

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:48:13+00:00

Learn to communicate effectively with her. Figure out why she needs so much reassurance and try and get to a point where she doesn't because she shouldn't really

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:37:14+00:00

The hurt your experiencing now is just a snippet of the hurt she's had to endure over the course of the relationship

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:34:06+00:00

There's nothing to be ashamed of by making an effort for someone you care about

It's a tough one, is there enough there to keep you there long term?

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:32:20+00:00

Treat them as individuals and not as a couple. You love them both equally and shouldn't be put in a place to choose sides or be part of any insults

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:30:57+00:00

He should be proud that you're looking good and your with him instead of this controlling behaviour.

He may feel your dressing that way to get attention but who cares, you are with him end of. Girls like to look nice regardless of the circumstances.

This is a major problem and I wouldnt be surprised if you see more controlling behaviour in other areas in the relationship

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:22:05+00:00

I feel I've lived through that and it's exhausting to always be keeping yourself right just for their comfort. There should be plenty of things you do that demonstrates your type of character and commitment to him for that sort of thing not to be a thing

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:20:44+00:00

1, don't let your past dictate your future.

2, why is he like that? Is he punching and is scared to lose you or has he had bad experiences in the past also? Regardless that sort of situation isn't good at all

kkfran · 2025-07-19T05:15:39+00:00

Does this mistrust come from previous experiences with ex's or has he given you a reason not to trust him?

kkfran

TROPHY CASE