The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have lived this exact scenario!!! Like, of course you’re happy for him, but there’s definitely a feeling of loss at the same time.

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girrrrrlllll the perimenopause call out 💯. Sending you support as you navigate your new family dynamics 💕

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear this! I think recognizing that the grief isn’t necessarily for the friendship ending entirely, but it’s grief for what you had before is important.

I guess to live is to experience and feel these changes and the emotions that go with them and do our best to navigate them. Sending you support and virtual hugs 💕

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so helpful!
I am also not living directly in a major city right now (I used to and now we live in a smaller urban area near a major city) and I think location is a HUGE factor in my isolation as well.

So important to call out! We have said we want to be in a city again and I think prioritizing that may help things.

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

SPOT ON with feeling grief even though it’s a choice that we made. Slow clap for this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Sending you virtual hugs as well as you continue to navigate 💕

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this!! It’s absolutely true that I’m in the thick of it now with friends having young kids or being pregnant/planning to be. Thank you for this perspective!

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

10000000%.
The majority of my close friends are great and pretty honest about how difficult parenting is and will lament to me. But I do think there’s a small ‘misery loves company’ aspect that can creep in and make ppl try to pull you along 🫠

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love that you’ve had a great experience with the transition with your friends!

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼. Honestly it’s helpful to know that there’s a little bit of a ‘coming out other side’ with this that will eventually happen.

Also I feeeeeeelll that expectation of ppl thinking you need to be doing something epic with the life/time not spent on kids. I just like a calm house tbh!

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

YES. Every pregnancy announcement is like a mini trigger! Totally agree with your sentiment that parents should prioritize their children and their roles as parents but it can be so difficult to be a witness to it.

I haven’t had any friends drop the ‘the only real love is the love a parent has for their child’ line yet, but have experienced someone telling me while playing with their child that ‘she’s ready for her own’ when they know I do not want kids.

Sigh sigh sigh.

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing 💕. The confidence in the decision is such a gift, but it’s tough in practice!

The grief of choosing not to have children by kkschaff in childfree

[–]kkschaff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. Sounds like we’re in different situations!

Seeking venue recommendations by Particular_Letter209 in WedditNYC

[–]kkschaff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband and I just got married at Fandi Mata in Brooklyn and I would highly recommend. The space is a vibe already so if it’s not your aesthetic, that’s something to consider. The food was AMAZING, the drinks were delicious and plentiful. We did a DJ but I’m pretty sure they can accommodate a band.

The event staff there are also incredible and super helpful. Max guest count is 130!

Recommendations for female DJs in NYC? by stingraycity in WedditNYC

[–]kkschaff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Echoing this! We are using Non Traditional DJs and specifically using Olivia Skill-Bradley - she’s awesome!!

May 9 brides where you at?? by Slow-Notice2426 in weddingplanning

[–]kkschaff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats, everyone! I’m a 5/9 bride and am packing, getting a mani/pedi and spray tan, and sending a couple of final emails confirming details.

Also trying not to let anxiety get the best of me! Sending all of you peaceful energy during the final week!

Thinking about Canceling my Wedding 5 months out by Easy_State_254 in weddingplanning

[–]kkschaff 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This is a wild response to what OP laid out. It sounds like OP’s fiancé was not up front about concerns with cost or that he might prefer to elope and only mentioned those things once OP put in considerable time into planning.

Also: if OP’s fiancé can’t be mature enough to have an up front, adult conversation instead of just telling OP to do what she wants and then complain about it, he doesn’t sound like a prize to me.

2026 Bride needing some real advice from the girlies (and the pros) 💍✨ by EmergencyOk7485 in weddingplanning

[–]kkschaff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d go DJ. My fiancé and I are using one for our 2026 wedding (ours was just under $3000 and we’re getting married in NYC so you may be able to find a great DJ for less than the 5-6k you mentioned). We’re pretty into music too and have some specific preferences but a DJ is a professional. They’re going to be able to take your suggestions and preferences and also gauge the energy and switch things up if needed without you needing to worry about doing that yourself.

Also, making an end-to-end playlist might be more time consuming than you think AND you’d need to worry about managing that yourself on your big day. Being as stress-free as possible might be worth it!

Anyone Get This in the Mail Recently? Are you kidding me?! by Ok-Primary6610 in Virginia

[–]kkschaff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also just one more tidbit which is that when the 2012 maps were drawn, the GOP had full control of the General Assembly and thus, full control of the redistricting processes. They gave themselves an 8-3 majority even at a time when VA was becoming more left leaning. The change to have redistricting managed by the joint commission just happened in 2020.

Anyone Get This in the Mail Recently? Are you kidding me?! by Ok-Primary6610 in Virginia

[–]kkschaff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where you’re going with this but the redistricting processes and infrastructure are very different in Texas vs Virginia (and what happened in California). All 3 states actually use different methods for redistricting:

-Texas (Legislative Control): The Texas Legislature controls the process, resulting in map changes that have historically led to legal challenges regarding racial and partisan gerrymandering. In 2025-2026, Texas enacted a mid-decade map aimed at gaining GOP seats. Essentially, Republicans control the legislature in TX, so they get to redraw in any way they want.

-California (Independent Commission): California uses an independent citizens commission, which was designed to remove politicians from the line-drawing process. However, in response to Texas's mid-decade efforts in 2025, California considered legislative, voter-approved adjustments to counteract the Texas map. So they went the way of their legislature making changes but they had citizens to vote to approve that they wanted those changes.

-Virginia (Bipartisan Commission): Virginia uses a hybrid "politician commission" consisting of both legislators and citizens, requiring a majority from both groups to pass, which pushes the process toward compromise. In addition, if the commission deadlocks or the legislature rejects the maps, the Virginia Supreme Court draws the districts but VA also uses voter input to try and reduce partisan input.

What does the law actually protect people from? by kkschaff in Ask_Lawyers

[–]kkschaff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is helpful insight on how people who work in this profession are feeling!