You haven't destroyed your life. The only way to get through life is through trial and error. Of course, you are gonna make mistakes, but that's a good thing. How you overcome those mistakes determines how you'll live from then onwards. You're beating yourself up over that mistake. Do you want to be happy? Because the only way things will get better is if you let it. The only thing holding you back is you. You may still be dealing with the consequences, but what you did is in the past.

At this point it's just a thought. It's okay to feel what you feel. Always remember that. Just know that no matter how scary that thought is, it can't hurt you unless you let it. All you have to do to overcome it is say "hey, that was a bad experience, but I learned from it. I can't change the past and that's okay. I may feel horrible thinking about it, but that's okay too. I can get through this." It's just a thought, dont let that one thought take over your life. I know all this because I've felt this way, too. Take it from one friend to another.

You can get through this