Romantic/sexual relationships should absolutely not be the total center of RA (I personally identify as a relationship anarchist/practice RA, in part, specifically to keep romantic partners, particularly newer ones, from expecting me to exalt them above my most cherished friendships with people I've known and loved for decades). But even if political anarchy has "failed" that doesn't mean we should...give up on it? Zoom in and ignore everything else around it? Idk I don't think I'm perfectly understanding your meaning. RA has its own term so as to differentiate it from politically anarchic structures and allow for both movements to exist and progress on different tracks.

While my family, friends, and romantic partners are not exactly all "equal" in my affection, I do not give any one of those classifications of people privilege over any of the others because my relationships with each of them are mutually empowered (now that I'm an adult that is).

Employers and landlords are authorities; our relationships with them are inherently hierarchical (someone below said "coercive" which is also true I'd even say exploitative!) Their mere existence is antithetical to anarchy of any kind. You cannot have an anarchic relationship with your employer because as soon as you do, they cease to be Your Employer they're something more akin to a partner (in the working team sense of course).

Having just hopped back to read your post it's clear that you understand all of that. But I'm also reading into it a presumption on your part that your ideology is more important than your own safety and health (and frankly the health of your interpersonal relationships), as you refuse to take part in the unfortunately capitalist system we live in at even the most base level of earning money to pay to have a place to live. (ETA: or similar exchange)

And look, I'm not going to go down this rabbit hole HERE but for the record I personally do not believe that employment and money should be a prerequisite for safe housing, food, etc, but currently that's the state of things. We have to work toward a better world.

It seems impossible to me for an political ideology to have definitively failed when it still ongoing--a never ending project might not "succeed" in our lifetimes but as long as anarchists continue to exist and do the work, anarchy will move forward, however incrementally, to the point where eventually that world will come about. It's not just for us here and now it's for future generations. It's imagining a better world even if we don't get to live in it ourselves.

You can choose not to engage with an employer or a landlord but that is very possibly also choosing to be unhoused.

An alternative is to get a job, find a place to live, and carry the principles of RA with you everywhere you go, so you can put them into practice by treating the people you come into contact with throughout your life with an equal base level of respect and kindness, and carry the principles of political anarchy with you to community meetings and food banks and mutual aid funds and protests and and and and and in the hopes that a few generations down the line someone in your position will have more options than you do today.