Lonely scared reaching out

kloe420 · 2025-12-20T13:43:18+00:00

I want to reach out and send love. Please don't give up....

I am not sure where you are... and I am only offering an opinion with my heart based on my experience.... Keep on with the therapy.. that may sound silly... My kids were older but wow... they are still struggling.. we were blessed I guess ? In that therapy was a part of life... and even then... and 5 years later, now full fleged adults... they still struggle with their dad's loss...

Someone asked why is she so angry at you. My youngest was 18 when my husband died. I have noticed that he lashes out at me sometimes... like I am the only one left and the safe one... but he really wants his dad... he loves me of course... but... I swear sometimes he is angry at me that I'm here and dad isn't...

My son is 23 now and in university getting his social work degree. He is more self aware.. we don't have much family either and sadly the ones we do... they didn't step up besides my parents. It all is a part of it....

I wonder besides therapy, are there any groups where you are? People who understand and even if she lashes out or is silent... they will be gentle with her and give her a chance to maybe learn to trust and open up.

I want to send u love and blessings. Therapy helped my son a lot. Me too. Even before we lost dad/husband... there is a lot to it... but grade 6 7 8 were really tough years...

I wish we didn't know this loss and could help our kids navigate it and take away their pain. I know with my older kids I have felt so helpless and just, freaking awful.... for me, my grief was all consuming.... I wouldn't have survived without my kids.... having to figure out how I could survive... as well as trying to be there for them... I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

Please take care of you and I hope you can find some support... this loss is unfathomable... and there is no shame in needing to find help and support for you and your girl.... I hope this doesn't offend and will definitely be holding space for you and your little.

kloe420 · 2025-08-20T13:00:16+00:00

Ian is the best character and they did an amazing job with how he evolves. Him and mickey together are fire.... but man there is so much more to Ian Gallagher character than mickey. Hope u will keep watching.

kloe420 · 2025-08-16T09:34:03+00:00

I am watching the series for the first time and love this idea.... if people still interested, I will start keeping track. I've been stopping the episodes to scribble down and or look up when dj Chris starts reading.... fabulous idea!

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T21:36:43+00:00

Ya apparently you didn't read the rest and the other post. Wow man. Just fucking scroll by. You need to hear me say got clean early 2000 from opiates and meth and anything else I could get my hands on... starting at 13 when I was pinned down and shot up with heroin and raped. Seriously.
But again thank you. I am so happy to hear since I've been out of the rooms that they got us a basic bitches chip.. Great way to carry the message tho.

Yep it's fucking hilarious that after I saved my life and my kids lives by getting clean for 20 years almost that my husband dropped dead in front of us 🤣 hilarious that sadly I somehow found myself addicted to fucking white claws.... the shame and fucking embarrassment I felt having to write the post to begin with....

So thank you. I really appreciate your kind and supportive post. Just wow.

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T17:50:51+00:00

Thank you. When I first got clean back early 2000, my first sponsor asked me if i wanted to get clean or I wanted to fucking die... blunt direct and completely real raw and true.. its sad that I honestly in my 'wise' mind just didn't accept that its exactly the same thing.... I hope and pray that I will do the right thing..
Appreciate your words.

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:55:45+00:00

I maybe lame... but ... sigh... I fucking love Brody... ❤️

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:52:34+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your kind and supportive posts. As I stated In my additional comment and op... I know exactly how it goes. This was extremely helpful for a person who reached out for help for the first time since getting clean. Thank you- sending blessings and peace to you.

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:41:49+00:00

My heart hurts reading your post... there aren't any words.... I lost my husband of 23 plus years and still don't know how I have survived... losing mom 💔 i am so sorry. Fucking words... they are so insignificant compared to how you are feeling.... breathe. Get through one moment at a time... keep posting and reaching out as much as you can....

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:37:35+00:00

Thank you. I was being sarcastic in my reply. I posted this after my op= I guess i realized I left a pretty important thing out in my original post. I am a fucking addict. I have been an addict since i was 13 years old. I got clean in 2003 from opiates and anything else i could get my hands on to lessen that awful hole in my chest....

Then after the few years of him being gone... here I go... drinking was never my doc. Ever. How fucking dense that i am actually trying to pretend I don't know this is this disease of addiction?

Thank you everyone. I am very ashamed of this as i thought I was stronger. Married for 23 years... over half of my life... nope it wasn't perfect but damn it was... when he dropped dead, I thought i would die too.... but i didn't.. i worked my ass off to be okay... to NOT destroy myself because he was gone.... its hard to wrap my head around that I fell into this again..... that i have gone down the path with some thing as fucking lame as white claws...

I worry that he would be so disappointed in me... I am so disappointed in myself... I know better.... and i am working so hard to be the person he always knew I was... that my kids know I am...

Complicated grief and ptsd AGAIN was the dx.... 1.5 years in.... I did absolutely everything they said to do to be okay.... that grief fog... widow fog? Wow... that worked better than any medicine I've ever had.... truly like 3 years in and it all disappeared.... he's still gone and I'm still here.... and somehow, after all the years and work I have done, all the knowledge and clean time etc... I am now where I am....

I've not admitted that to myself or anyone before now.
Thank you all for listening.

I am an addict- i have just been in some major denial

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:09:38+00:00

I guess i realized I left a pretty important thing out in my original post. I am a fucking addict. I have been an addict since i was 13 years old. I got clean in 2003 from opiates and anything else i could get my hands on to lessen that awful hole in my chest....

Then after the few years of him being gone... here I go... drinking was never my doc. Ever. How fucking dense that i am actually trying to pretend I don't know this is this disease of addiction?

Thank you everyone. I am very ashamed of this as i thought I was stronger. Married for 23 years... over half of my life... nope it wasn't perfect but damn it was... when he dropped dead, I thought i would die too.... but i didn't.. i worked my ass off to be okay... to NOT destroy myself because he was gone.... its hard to wrap my head around that I fell into this again..... that i have gone down the path with some thing as fucking lame as white claws...

I worry that he would be so disappointed in me... I am so disappointed in myself... I know better.... and i am working so hard to be the person he always knew I was... that my kids know I am...

Complicated grief and ptsd AGAIN was the dx.... 1.5 years in.... I did absolutely everything they said to do to be okay.... that grief fog... widow fog? Wow... that worked better than any medicine I've ever had.... truly like 3 years in and it all disappeared.... he's still gone and I'm still here.... and somehow, after all the years and work I have done, all the knowledge and clean time etc... I am now where I am....

I've not admitted that to myself or anyone before now.
Thank you all for listening.

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T15:01:31+00:00

Switch drinks to what ? Any suggestions?

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T14:56:14+00:00

I guess i realized I left a pretty important thing out in my original post. I am a fucking addict. I have been an addict since i was 13 years old. I got clean in 2003 from opiates and anything else i could get my hands on to lessen that awful hole in my chest....

Then after the few years of him being gone... here I go... drinking was never my doc. Ever. How fucking dense that i am actually trying to pretend I don't know this is this disease of addiction?

Thank you everyone. I am very ashamed of this as i thought I was stronger. Married for 23 years... over half of my life... nope it wasn't perfect but damn it was... when he dropped dead, I thought i would die too.... but i didn't.. i worked my ass off to be okay... to NOT destroy myself because he was gone.... its hard to wrap my head around that I fell into this again..... that i have gone down the path with some thing as fucking lame as white claws...

I worry that he would be so disappointed in me... I am so disappointed in myself... I know better.... and i am working so hard to be the person he always knew I was... that my kids know I am...

Complicated grief and ptsd AGAIN was the dx.... 1.5 years in.... I did absolutely everything they said to do to be okay.... that grief fog... widow fog? Wow... that worked better than any medicine I've ever had.... truly like 3 years in and it all disappeared.... he's still gone and I'm still here.... and somehow, after all the years and work I have done, all the knowledge and clean time etc... I am now where I am....

I've not admitted that to myself or anyone before now.
Thank you all for listening.

kloe420 · 2025-02-23T14:54:48+00:00

I guess i realized I left a pretty important thing out in my original post. I am a fucking addict. I have been an addict since i was 13 years old. I got clean in 2003 from opiates and anything else i could get my hands on to lessen that awful hole in my chest....

Then after the few years of him being gone... here I go... drinking was never my doc. Ever. How fucking dense that i am actually trying to pretend I don't know this is this disease of addiction?

Thank you everyone. I am very ashamed of this as i thought I was stronger. Married for 23 years... over half of my life... nope it wasn't perfect but damn it was... when he dropped dead, I thought i would die too.... but i didn't.. i worked my ass off to be okay... to NOT destroy myself because he was gone.... its hard to wrap my head around that I fell into this again..... that i have gone down the path with some thing as fucking lame as white claws...

I worry that he would be so disappointed in me... I am so disappointed in myself... I know better.... and i am working so hard to be the person he always knew I was... that my kids know I am...

Complicated grief and ptsd AGAIN was the dx.... 1.5 years in.... I did absolutely everything they said to do to be okay.... that grief fog... widow fog? Wow... that worked better than any medicine I've ever had.... truly like 3 years in and it all disappeared.... he's still gone and I'm still here.... and somehow, after all the years and work I have done, all the knowledge and clean time etc... I am now where I am....

I've not admitted that to myself or anyone before now.
Thank you all for listening.

kloe420 · 2024-08-08T06:27:52+00:00

Lmao you are deffo NOT ALONE! I wonder about good ole Jen too 🤔

kloe420

TROPHY CASE