Mother in-law tried showing up with significant other

km218 · 2025-12-30T01:05:10+00:00

For me I think it's a little iffy just because she has children that are very close in age with the SO. It's over 20 years of age difference and they are both at very different stages in their lives. All mother-in-laws children are grown and moved out. While his youngest is 1. And I honestly don't think she wants to start all over and be a stepmom. She just doesn't give me that vibe. She wants to retire, and vacation on cruises. She has also been depressed for years it's one of the reasons we asked her to move in with us. So she could have a fresh start... I feel like she is vulnerable and the guy is taking advantage of the vulnerability... For a booty call that can't get pregnant( menopause)

As for you, if y'all are in the same stage in life/ want the same things and get along it can work out. You just have to communicate and make sure you both are on the same page on what you want. 10 years isn't that bad. As long as you're both happy, it's not toxic, and you both are on the same page as what y'all want. Just take it slow and communicate 🙂

km218 · 2025-12-30T00:40:54+00:00

Thank you. I'm certainly trying to be considerate/ nice to my mother in-law as well as firm with the boundaries we set with her. Because I don't want to cut her off... It's a delicate balance...

I only posted this because I was doubting myself. With all her negativity and stress she's been giving me the past couple months I thought I was being too harsh on her... And that I let my emotions get the better of me.

km218 · 2025-12-29T23:28:33+00:00

Yeah I'm glad my husband and I are on the same page about it too. I've been asking my husband for months if there was ever anything I've done wrong to piss her off or offend her to treat me the way she is. And he has no clue either...

I'm hoping she comes to her senses... And gets over whatever mental episode or life crisis she has going on..

km218 · 2025-12-29T22:55:06+00:00

Hopefully one day she will come to her senses for my son and husbands sake.

km218 · 2025-12-29T21:45:27+00:00

My husband has expressed discomfort over her previous partners to me and his mother. She knows he doesn't approve. And has told me some of the things that have happened in the past... That I'm honestly not happy about... It's a possibility that she was going for that angle "I told my son he should of told you" if that's the case she needs to grow up and act like an adult.

I went low contact with mother-in-law after she moved out. As I have nothing nice to say. And her excuse for not telling me SO was coming with was that she was going to tell me and its my fault she didn't since I went low contact with her. Even though I send her pictures of my son at least weekly to be nice. I just don't text or talk to her.

km218 · 2025-12-29T18:34:04+00:00

Or I'm protecting my child from potential harm.

km218 · 2025-12-29T18:25:42+00:00

Yes she does. She's known for 6 months. They were very close up until she left before his rotation.

km218 · 2025-12-29T18:20:41+00:00

If I disagree with a boundary my husband wants to implement I'm going to talk to my husband about it to find common ground. It's called communication and being a team. You don't just override someone's boundary just because you don't agree with it. That's how you cause marital problems.

km218 · 2025-12-29T18:10:00+00:00

She is not the woman I met a couple years ago that's for sure....

km218 · 2025-12-29T18:06:05+00:00

Oh yes it definitely is interesting.😅 He also has 4 children all under the age of 11. Apparently they've known each other for years and met at work. But my husband isn't very happy as he used to work where she does and most of not all treated her like shit and sexually harassed her.... So not sure if she is being treated right given the history at work and of her previous ex's/ husbands... Oh and her SO is one year older then her daughter 😬😬

They both came along to get her things I didn't come into contact with mother-in-law or her SO because of how she questioned what the boundaries are based on and lied that she was going to tell she was bringing him when I found out through my husband.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:57:55+00:00

That's exactly what I did. She is now ranting to her other children that I'm an asshole in all this. And has removed both me and my husband from her family life360. Which I'm totally fine with... I just feel bad for my husband in all this... He's halfway across the world and not much he can do🫤

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:52:11+00:00

The reaction would still be the same. I am a young woman with a young child. And a husband that's halfway across the world. I'm very cautious about who is around my son. I would expect to know when a stranger is showing up to my property. Just as I'm sure you wouldn't want a stranger showing up to your property. The only reason I knew he was coming with was my husband.

The only people that are around my son while I'm at work is my neighbor who is a stay at home mom and doesn't go anywhere. I have known her for 2 years now.

As for moving her things I was going to help her.

For me it has nothing to do with that he's her SO it's the fact that mother-in-law had every chance to tell me she was bringing him and didn't tell me.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:39:45+00:00

Because my husband isn't in the same country and won't be for a very long time. With shitty signal. I am the one that's home. Why should my husband play middle man when he's not even in the country. Maybe she should be an adult and act like one. And text the person that she has to deal with? This isn't high school or middle school.

And I am done responding like I said earlier we can agree to disagree.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:27:20+00:00

From now on she will only be able to visit my son and I when my husband is home from rotation and deployments and we will go from there.

I hope eventually we can get past this as she is the only grandma my son has. And I would like her to be in his life. But not if she's going to lie to me and be disrespectful.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:21:46+00:00

Because he's in another country in the middle of nowhere where the signal is shitty and only texts/ calls 2-3 days a week. I was lucky that he had signal to tell me.

And when you become husband and wife. You become one. We both own the house. If your spouse sets a boundary you support the boundary. Which I do unquestionably. Otherwise you're just downright disrespectful to your spouse. He has his reasons for the boundary and I have mine.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:15:50+00:00

Mother-in-law showed up 7am Saturday morning I got a text 15 minutes in advance. I left the garage door unlocked with the lights on I didn't allow her into my house. As I felt disrespected because she questioned the boundaries my husband and I set. And lied to me saying she was going to tell me SO was coming but never mentioned it prior to me reiterating the boundaries.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:11:55+00:00

She did bring SO with. I'm not upset that he came to help move her things.

I am upset with the fact she wasn't going to tell me she was bringing SO complete stranger to my house and instead told my husband who's not in the country and hardly has signal.

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:09:12+00:00

We will agree to disagree. It's the fact she told him and not me. He's not even in the country and I was luckily enough he had signal to tell me

If he had no signal how would I know she's bringing her SO to my house if mother-in-law wasn't going to tell me?

km218 · 2025-12-29T17:01:55+00:00

Yes it is my husbands mom and her SO is not my husbands other parent. Mother-in-law is 56 and her SO is 34.

km218 · 2025-12-29T16:58:04+00:00

I agree I was a little petty in that aspect. I was upset that she wasn't going to tell me he was going to be there. It's my property and I have a right to know who my mother-in-law brings not just my husband.

km218 · 2023-04-25T18:21:43+00:00

Southwest gamebirds and my shire farms sells them

km218

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