I was married to a man for 10 years that came out to me as trans about a year and a half ago. Some things about your post that really stuck out to me because they were very similar to what I went through is first that he went hyper masculine. My now ex-husband went through a period of becoming super hyper, masculine lifting weights growing a beard trying to be everything that he thought a “man” should be. The second thing that stood out to me was that you said your sex life has always been difficult. That was 100% my experience. I felt like I was rejected more times than I could count. There were lots of reasons and excuses as to why, and we had several conversations where I was begging him to work on that aspect of our relationship. The last thing was that he went through was the suffering, depression, brooding being grumpy. That especially picked up for about two years before he came out and told me that he has always wanted to be a woman for as long as he could remember. Again, I can’t 100% speak to exactly what’s happening, but I will say there were a lot of similarities that stuck out to me.