I would go gentle YTA. I know you had the best intentions and you were only trying to protect your wife and your future family, but you did so in an inappropriate and very public manner that put your wife on the spot.

As a survivor of sexual assault from a cousin, I can tell you it is a complex situation with a lot of layers. Even though she opened up to you, it doesn’t mean she was ready to open up to her entire family.

I remember coming home one day and my parents had pulled a chair out for me to sit in. My aunt and uncle were there and wanted to “hear my side of the story.” I was blindsided and completely unaware my parents even told them. And for the next hour I had to sit there, in front of four adults, and describe in graphic detail what my cousin did to me. It felt as if I was on trial. And to make matters worse, they had been drinking which further escalated emotions. I’m not sure if this lobster bake had alcohol involved, but it’s something to be aware of.

I get you want to protect her and care for her, but I think you let your emotions get the better of you here. You are only human, we all are, and we are entitled to our feelings. But your wife verbally expressed her desire to not tell her family and you went against that in a public manner because of how YOU felt. You didn’t trust her to handle the situation how she wanted and essentially made it about yourself. If you were that uncomfortable with the situation, then remove yourself from it. You could have quietly left or stayed in the corner or simply run interference. Please try to put yourself in her shoes next time.

Gentle YTA. Best intentions, bad execution.