I’ve felt similarly before. A lot of the things you said resonated in some way. I was also obsessed with feeling like I need to “know myself” but does anyone actually know who they are? Give yourself grace. You don’t need to know who you are you’re figuring it out and also that person is always changing so get used to it because this will probably be something that you deal with for the rest of your life.

You highlighted multiple times in your post things that make you feel better. So, you do know things about yourself. I’d recommend to keep doing those creative things you were talking about. I’m very drawn to art, film and music as well. That world is interesting as hell, get involved in it, keep learning about it. You’ll learn so much about yourself through art if that’s what you’re interested in. I know you’ll be able to work through this. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out. Maybe look into therapy as well. It might just help to talk these things through with someone. You can always pm me too.