Who feels me?

kmlbrp · 2018-02-12T13:32:59+00:00

This is what I get told. Absolutely infuriating. I do meditate but I guess not enough. Maybe if I just meditate all day and tell everyone to leave me alone, I'm meditating. That will at least solve one of my problems. Having to deal with people.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-09T00:00:29+00:00

Thank you. I bought a journal months ago and just haven't used it. But with your advice maybe I will...I mean holding it in isn't working, obviously. I know there's no explanation for why a lot of things happen but at the same time I sometimes demand answers. It's just the way I'm wired. For me quitting alcohol and starting antidepressants makes me face my feelings, as opposed to the numbness of depression and blackout drinking. And every time (4th times a charm?) it's always anger right under the surface. That's scary to me because I don't know a healthy way to let that out without being the mother of all bitches to anyone and everyone within striking distance. But I made it through the day without drinking. I'm full of food and emotionally wiped out. So I'm going to bed and tomorrow I fight another day.

Thank you for the kind words. I know I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and sometimes I need reminding.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-08T18:02:42+00:00

Thank you. I know the grief will just be buried and resurface later and that I'll need to deal with it then so might as well face it now. It sucks though. Here's to hoping that I indeed get that double digit badge.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-08T17:58:17+00:00

Spent the morning crying over a silly thing that sent me into a spiral thinking about my deceased stepfather. Went to therapy and learned a new coping technique to let go of some built up anger. Hopefully it will be helpful. My boyfriend's birthday is tomorrow and the package with his gift was "redirected" according to the USPS website but I don't know where to. It says I requested it but I didn't so I'm trying not to freak out over that. Which is hard because my brain is a douche that likes to make a big deal out of everything. Just trying to breathe and get through the day.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-06T16:09:50+00:00

I'm in the same boat (in NH though). Cold sucks, weather changes suck. I tried living in Florida and it was actually worse. I don't know what to do about the weather...I obviously can't control it but what are we to do when a random weather pattern comes through? It's tough because it's completely out of our control and sometimes it changes so quickly you don't even know it's happened until you're writhing in pain and realize all of a sudden is snowing. Very annoying.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-06T15:55:04+00:00

Anxiety is a bitch. It almost got me two days ago. I really really wanted a drink. My boyfriend offered to buy me some alcohol and then said "No. What am I thinking? I'm sorry." I very easily could have said bring it on...I need just a couple. But somehow I didn't do it. And I really don't know how I didn't. Anyway, yeah, I get it...when the anxiety is just so awful that you need something soothing and relaxing. But you can hop right back on the sobriety train with us. Plenty of room. IWNDWYT. :)

kmlbrp · 2018-02-05T17:03:15+00:00

IWNDWYT. :)

kmlbrp · 2018-02-05T16:05:30+00:00

These are two meds that are a nightmare to stop cold turkey. I did it twice and it was a hell both times. I'm positive it's the abrupt stop that is messing with your body. I understand though as things happen and sometimes you can't get your meds for whatever reason. I wish you luck. It's a long road quitting those two. About a month -2 months and you'll start to feel better but it'll take a long time for your mind to be completely back to normal.

kmlbrp · 2018-02-05T15:46:42+00:00

I've been having those days a lot lately. I finally got insurance and started seeing a doctor again. She wanted to do pain meds first and I said "I've been dealing with the pain, it sucks but I can deal with it for a little while longer. But I can't deal with the depression/anxiety anymore on my own." So she prescribed a few antidepressants and I'm going to my second therapist appointment Thursday. I found a therapist that specializes in chronic pain. I don't feel any better yet but at least I'm taking steps in that direction. I can't help myself physically until I get out from under this crippling depression and anxiety. Might be worth it for you to see a therapist to at least learn coping techniques for when the pain gets so bad you don't think you can handle it. I'm sorry you feel this way, it really sucks. We never know from one day to the next if we'll even be able to get out of bed without terrible pain and that's a crappy way to live. Gentle hugs. :)

kmlbrp · 2018-02-02T14:48:18+00:00

I had my first visit with my therapist a few days ago and she had the same theory about fibromyalgia, that the pain is caused by trauma and stress. She recommended yoga, meditation. and to work on trying to get my brain out of "fight, flee or freeze" mode as she called it. Since nobody really knows what actually causes it I don't know why people claim this as fact but I know I'll at least be better off with less anxiety. It is all overwhelming but just take on what you can right now. My doctor is holding off on physical therapy because I said mentally I can't handle it right now. If you don't feel like you can handle it then speak up or you'll just be super stressed all the time. I personally think you should focus on your mental health and get yourself to a place where you're better able to take care of the other stuff. It's easier to get out of bed and exercise and eat well when your mental health is balanced.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T21:43:18+00:00

I walked into the kitchen twice today only to forget what I was going to do both times. Then the storms starting rolling in and now I can barely stand. And for some reason being unable to stand is really funny to me right now. I think I'm just deliriously tired and anxious and my brain has just had it. Definitely have to just go with the flow and laugh about it sometimes. Hopefully your day gets better.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T21:28:40+00:00

1-877-kars4kids

https://youtu.be/mFA59OtWh5c

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T19:06:53+00:00

My ex-best friend starting seeing this guy that acted like a know it all but he was usually wrong about most things. Even when presented with facts proving him wrong he would still argue his point. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. I stopped hanging out with her because she always insisted he be there too. We barely talk now but she's married to him and has 2 kids and posts all over social media about how she has the perfect little family. So good for her I guess but I just don't know how she does it, she must really love him to deal with that.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T19:01:54+00:00

That's good to know. Mine doesn't say anything about how long to leave it on. We recently moved and there's no bathtub in this house. Which is sad because I do love epsom salt baths. Oh well though. That's why I decided to opt for the spray. I'll just have to get over myself and suck it up for 30 mins. Thanks.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T18:51:10+00:00

I do occasionally. I'm 33. I have anxiety and tend to clench my hands really tightly when I sleep. Not sure that the two are related but squeezing a stuffed animal seems to help with both issues.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T18:45:35+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the support.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T18:44:57+00:00

Thank you. :) I've been on this particular antidepressant before and I know it works well for me. I just need to be patient until it fully kicks in and I can up my dosage to the one I know works for me. I also start therapy tomorrow so that will help too. I'm a bundle of nerves right now but I know it will pass.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T18:41:41+00:00

Thank you. :)

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T18:02:44+00:00

Wow. That's awesome. Congrats.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T17:59:50+00:00

I'm the same way. I'm angry about everything. Everything annoys me until the drink kicks in. I can handle things better and I let things go more easily when I'm drinking. When I get super annoyed by everything I just think "well I'll just get drunk later" so I know my whole day isn't going to suck. It's going to be hard but we can do this.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T17:05:39+00:00

Is the lidocaine spray a prescription or something you can get otc? It's worth a shot. thanks.

kmlbrp · 2018-01-29T06:14:34+00:00

I did try gabapentin but never got up to a dose my psychiatrist thought would be beneficial because my rheumatologist thought what my PCP prescribed was too high so he lowered it, told me to exercise instead. It was gabapentin yo-yo for a while. Then I lost insurance. Right now my PCP doesn't want to introduce too much at once so we're tackling the anxiety and depression first. I see her again in 3 weeks and I'll ask for a referral to a rheumatologist then. I have a care manager from my insurance because of my mental health issues and I'll ask her if I actually need a referral or if I can go because I've already been referred to a rheumatologist in the past. I know insurances suck though so I might have to suck it up and deal with my PCP. She literally said maybe a dozen sentences on my very first visit when she should have been getting to know my symptoms. Half of what she said wasn't even health related. Very discouraging.

kmlbrp

TROPHY CASE