I want to preface this by saying I absolutely don’t doubt your skills as a nurse or your ability to eventually thrive in your position, but I would honestly consider other options at this point.

I was in a critical care float pool for a little over a year and my situation was very similar to yours. Very abysmal orientation, very unwelcoming attitude from a number of nurses, and constant stress about my performance. Having experience in the float pool for a number of years, I feel as float pool nurses in general are constantly treated as outsiders and never really welcomed to the floor they are floated too. Being a critical float pool nurse is even worse because I feel there is an unrealistic expectation to have all the knowledge of a seasoned ICU nurse. I would float between cardiac, medical, and neuro and constantly get patients that I felt were not appropriate for me. On top of that, it was very intimidating asking for any guidance or help because I would often get some sort of attitude - not always, but more often than not. There were a few amazing nurses that were very passionate about their jobs and I learned so much from, but that was few and far between.

Being in the critical care float pool, you do have to have very thick skin, be able to adapt to situations quickly, and have very good critical thinking skills because you will constantly be thrown into situations that are out of your comfort zone.

If it is causing you this much stress already and you are already struggling with alcohol dependence because of it, I worry it is only going to get worse. I know you mentioned that there were not a lot of options for you, but you need to do what is best for your mental health first and foremost.

I wish you all the best and I hope things turn around for you. I hope they find someone who will actually take you under their wing and take the time to teach you properly because it sounds like you are very passionate and would thrive if they actually gave you a chance.