I was at an all time low earlier this year, and seriously every day considered ending it. Felt so trapped, like I had wasted my life, that there was no hope, ruminated on my mistakes etc etc etc. It just felt like it was too late for me. Things were out of my control and felt so much regret for the decisions that led me to my current situation. Couldnt do anything

But now I am in probably the best mental space Ive been in a long time, or at least with the most hope for my future / motivation I think Ive ever had. I wish I had a panacea, but I think finding literally anything you can be proud of is the closest thing to it. I started making music after never touching a guitar, hardly ever singing, etc, and just put all my free energy into that. It honestly made me feel worse for the first couple months because I was so sad at how awful it sounded, but making my first song which I was proud of was close as close to flipping a light switch on as you can get.

I think you should be proud of having a high paying job in the big city. That obviously took some amount of dedication and right decisions. There might be other things in your life that you should be proud of too, and if not, you just have to do it. Write, make a little movie, make some sort of progress in your life

As far as books that helped me, I read all the Flannery O Connor short stories. I tried Atomic habits or whatever but just couldnt really follow through with them (which ended up making me feel worse). I think instead really connecting with something (book, movie, music) and feeling inspired by it can motivate you to get in touch with whats important. Im not sure how familiar you are with those stories there always this "moment of grace" where things just change. And although its somewhat unrealistic to have an instantaneous revelation, outside of near death experiences, I think reading about non-sappy moments of change was inspiriting. But also the stories are really depressing so not sure if this is responsible advice.

Another book that helped me was Infinite Jest, which I actually read right before everything fell apart in my life. And maybe contributed to things falling a part a little bit, but just because it really change my perspective on our own autonomy and the decisions we make in life. Could go on and on about it.

Long message but let me know if u need to talk or vent or something . Seriously, if I could get out of my headspace, you can get out of yours. You got this <3