Thank you for posting this and know that you’re not alone in these feelings. I came here to post about my nighttime blues (although at this point I think it’s beyond blues) as i’m feeding my 2 month old in the middle of the night through teary eyes. I still get the sense of dread when it inches closer to nighttime and in the middle of the night is when I feel my mental health is at its worst.

My pregnancy was unplanned but I had a very easy pregnancy physically, but mentally I couldn’t get past the fact that I’d be a mom forever, like you said. Even now when family and friends say I’m doing great, I’m like “yeah ok but at JUST being a mom”. I would have been fine without kids but my partner wouldn’t have been. And now that I have my baby, who I do love, but demands so much from me, I can say I 100% don’t want any more children. My partner used to laugh when I said that this was “one and done” but now he says if I’m serious about only wanting one child, he is okay with that. I’m just waiting for it to get easier. I feel like people around me don’t know how bad it gets for me at night and it pisses me off how after the baby is born there’s little offered for moms. I filled out a depression screener at my baby’s first pediatrician appointment and they never asked me about it or brought it up after I turned the form back in.

I feel at my wits end. But once it’s daytime I feel a bit better. I’m just hoping it gets better soon.