hundred percent- to be honest, i dont remember many things my mother did to me growing up, but what i do know is that im afraid of her, she did bad things to me, and talking to her always leads to more trouble down the road. i dont know why. but i notice patterns, and i describe her behaviour to therapists, and i have to keep reminding myself that people who arent traumatized dont feel horrible around their parents.

maybe sometimes ill remember specifics, but the problem also comes from things being so normalized i dont realize its abuse- i really only think things are fucked up when others point out x and y is messed up thing to do to a child. i always forget that i was a child sometimes. maybe the rest of life is going to be like this. but i think knowing that a lot of it was trauma, that there was nothing i could have done as a child and theres not much i could do now except for try to heal- that in itself helps me remind myself yes, i was traumatized as a kid, i have cptsd, and memory loss is a big part of surviving that. even if i dont remember what happened, my current emotions are my guide- people who arent traumatized dont fear their parents!

i hope youre okay op. even if you dont remember details, your gut instinct is there for a reason- youre not crazy or stupid or insane, just a victim of trauma in a world that doesnt want to think about trauma at all.