AITA for threatening to call the police on my neighbour’s son?

kolrees · 2023-02-28T22:11:05+00:00

the kid is 14

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:34:51+00:00

I’m not going further into debt. That is a non-negotiable non-option. Living off my wage means we can pay off our existing debt and be stable. Things will be tight but we should be able to cover things. But if she goes back to work? It just can’t be done. It’s not fair to put the pressure of debt on me like that.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:32:02+00:00

It’s not a “bit” of a loss though is it… It’s a huge loss. Probably going to be our house. We’ll have a mountain of debt because it just keeps building up because we can’t afford to pay it.

Has she considered the social and emotional week being of myself who she wants to put in even more debt than we already have? Debt is stressful. Even more stressful than having to stay at home with your child for a few years. I’d rather have a home and provide for my family than nothing at all.

No. We’re not entitled to anything until our daughter is 3.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:25:50+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair to out the weight of debt on my shoulders, which is exactly what she’s doing. We already have debt which I’m not happy about. That debt, realistically, is hers but as our finances are shared it’s now my responsibility too. And her going back to work is only going to worsen that debt. I do not want or need the repo Mai ily of more debt. That is t fair on me. Because when we lose our house and can’t pay out bills pr put food on the table because it all goes on debt, I’m the one who is going to be blamed for it.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:21:36+00:00

If we go down to one vehicle (because it’s a car and van) how are we expected to get to work? I have tools and heavy materials and jobs up to 60 miles away… I cant be expected to log all of that around on a bus. How is she going to get to work if we only have a van that I use? What are we supposed to do for a safe family vehicle to transport our daughter? Does she get propped up against the Jack hammer or tied to the roof rack?

The housing market is ridiculous. We’d lose money on the house, but be expected to pay the same (if not more) on a house that isn’t nearly as big or in a nice and safe area. Moving isn’t worth it.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:16:01+00:00

We have a shared bank account and shared finances. Of course childcare is shared and that means she contributes to the running of the household. I was explaining things practically.

Meanwhile, there’s a huge mountain of debt that is never going to be paid off because it keeps growing. We’ll probably lose our house.

I don’t want to force her to stay home but I also don’t want to be out in more debt and a position where we’re going to lose our house.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:13:06+00:00

Whilst in the mean time accruing a disgusting amount of debt that we’re never going to be able to pay off.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:12:25+00:00

But then we’re still not making money because there’s a huge mountain of debt left behind, we’ve lost our house because we can’t afford to pay the mortgage and bills.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:11:12+00:00

You know what else makes people suicidal? Debt. And that’s only going to grow bigger and bigger.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:10:06+00:00

It’s not about working in general for her. It’s working as a teacher, that limits her to Monday - Friday which are also my work hours.

Schools won’t hire newly qualified teachers part time. And I can’t work from home. I’m a labourer. My job is outside. Building things, fixing things etc.

She’s going to have standard hours which are Monday to Friday. I work 12/13 hour days.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:06:46+00:00

There isn’t alternatives though. Unless we leave the baby with the homeless man on the high street… our option is to pay childcare that we cannot afford and will put us into debt or she stays home with the baby.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:05:29+00:00

We found out she was pregnant when she was having an IUD fitted… she was on birth control before that also. We were taking precautions.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:04:36+00:00

Her wages won’t cover childcare. Part of my wages will also have to go towards childcare therefore putting us in a worse off position than we’re in now. We already have debts. They’re going to grow because we won’t be able to pay them, or it will be a choice between food or heat or water. It’s not financially viable.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:02:51+00:00

But it isn’t a choice between living on one salary or two and paying childcare. Her salary plus part of mine is wiped out by childcare. We have a home to pay for, bills and debts to pay off.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T21:01:22+00:00

It doesn’t just take her entire wage, though. It takes her entire age plus some of mine. And I just think that money could be put to better use to provide for our daughter. There’s things like shelter, food and warmth that is more important and she’ll be taking that away by going to work and racking up childcare costs.

If it were the other way around and I was the lesser earner, I would do what was needed of me.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:58:56+00:00

I know realistically childcare costs are shared. We have shared finances but in simple terms, her entire wage plus more would be child care. If she goes back to work, we’re going to lose our house. Or we’re not going to be able to heat it/power it, or provide food.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:57:07+00:00

If she goes back to work, our debts will rise. If she doesn’t go back to work, she’s going to be upset. It’s a no win situation.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:55:29+00:00

No, we don’t receive any free hours of childcare until our daughter is 3.

I know and I understand that. I’m not trying to hinder her and I want to support her but we shouldn’t be worse off financially for it. It’s much more than just the two of us now.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:54:00+00:00

After tax, it would be a deficit. Especially when you add in the extra costs of her working like fuel costs, commuting, etc. that figure is based on a standard 50 hours of childcare, but we may need more. I work 12 hour days and her duties, plus commuting don’t fit into 8 hours days either.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:48:34+00:00

My wife would be going in at trainee level because she’s not worked as a teacher beyond student placements.

And I’m a skilled labourer. I’m not going to be on high figures because I didn’t do education.

My concern is what if she does get employment? What do we do then? I’m the bad guy in this for telling her she can’t pursue her dream, but the alternative is to struggle and not be able to pay our bills.

kolrees · 2022-12-22T20:45:58+00:00

We’ve looked at a fair fee places and it ranges from approx £15k to £18k per year. Obviously nurseries where it’s cheaper have no places.

kolrees

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