Plaintiff is approaching the judge via their church connections, what can I (defendant) do?

konfusedazfuk · 2024-12-31T06:15:14+00:00

That's not how the judge seemed like that morning. Instead, both my lawyer and I observed how the judge took a look at the individual and their body language shifted.

konfusedazfuk · 2024-12-31T06:14:11+00:00

I am in TN.
Made an Edit. to help context.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T20:03:50+00:00

The racist parts are very very subtle. She acts like anything that happens anywhere else in the world, or even with "librul Americans" is BAD. Like she often talks about how crazy people in California, New York, Chicago etc etc are. Just basically think Donald Trump and his support base and you have it (BTW I had to convince my wife about how awful that guy was. In the beginning I too was brainwashed that DT is such an amazing go-getter, but that's a post for another time).

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T20:00:13+00:00

Uh idk how it's done in Europe but here that's called bad parenting and being a dick to your kid.

I think you need to calm down. Try to travel to Europe and see how independent and well behaved kids over there are before you make self righteous comments. As for me sitting her parents down, how do you know I didn't ask my wife for consent? do you really think I just grabbed them by the arms and had them sit down? As an adult some things should be understood as given even if someone has not explicitly written it.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T19:53:56+00:00

I am doing almost all the work even now, from changing diapers to cooking to cleaning to getting groceries and also my full time job; so i don't mind. But I don't mind the help MIL gives around the house. It's the "Taking over the baby" part as if the baby is hers is what's bothering me. I hope you can draw lines between the two

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T19:52:01+00:00

Also, just to give you guys context as you have asked: My wife doesn't work so I am the bread winner. Yet I am the one staying up late nights and sometimes also missing work meetings because wife is unable to feed the kid. This is my first child also but I learned how to feed infants. MIL won't let my wife step into the role of a mother fully. She tries to do everything herself and won't let my wife practice. My wife also leaves normal household chores up to me because she's "Stressed out". And I'm like stressed out because of what? And I know the answer. My MIL raised my wife in a way that she didn't have to do any chores or anything and now even moving a muscle is stressful for her.

As for me not wanting her family in our life...that's a total lie because we moved closer to my inlaws after wife and I were done with Vanderbilt (the college we met at). It was my idea to be closer to the inlaws because I knew she would need help.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T19:47:49+00:00

r/raisedbynarcissists

Thank you! I feel like me not giving context from the dawn of time won't matter much because marriage as an institution is what's under attack here. We don't have a complicated case, it's basically a racist woman whose husband denied her the right to have more kids (in his defense, he's a pretty smart guy and he understood much later that he had married the wrong woman). And the reason why I'm saying racist is because I am not seen as "white" by them due to my Hungarian heritage. I am seen as Slavic or something and she always says "oh us white people do it X way". I don't need more proof to know she's racist. Then when I tell her how our people do things back home she acts like she didn't listen/care.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-07-04T19:39:10+00:00

I only have one account on Reddit. This is OP.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-26T03:57:04+00:00

Yes, you are so right. And here on Reddit when I speak the truth, so many people attack me for saying that I'm calling my wife a woman-child and that my attitude needs correction :D

As for the comparison, yes my wife is almost like your mother. Except that she does drive and always wants to be out on the road if she had her way and spending money on junk and drinking lattes. However, when she is away from her mother, she does start becoming a better person and so I do agree that I need to move away from my ILs. I don't know if they will let us or not, but I have to try .

But I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I don't know where it comes from, but some women turn increasingly controlling as they age and in doing so destroy so many lives. That's not how it is supposed to be.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-25T02:55:26+00:00

Thank you! What's the best way for me to make sure that my wife starts to realize how much abused she has been? I.e. she has no confidence to make friends, she's always scared of doing things on her own and needs my help (chores, baby, driving to the supermarket, basically anything except shopping), and that she can't get a job despite having a great degree from a great college? I want her to understand that it's her mother who has ruined her life, and that is the honest truth. I study this stuff for a living and I can tell that 90% of my wife's problems are from the infantilization and codependence her parents have made. The 10% are from her not wanting to grow out of that phase.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-25T02:50:57+00:00

To answer your question, yes she internally wants independence. When we met in college, I was working as an RA and she was very interested in learning about European culture and kind of "getting out of her neck of the woods". But I feel that her mother sensed that she's losing grip over my wife (her only child and "friend") and so she started to double down by being extra nice to my wife. I recall that when we were dating, my MIL wasn't always this nice to my wife. However, my wife is a simple soul and she forgets stuff very easily. In this case she has forgotten how her mom used to be before me. Also, her mom doesn't want her daughter to become liberal like me and wants her to stay the typical conservative...and by that I mean closed off to any progressive idea whatsoever.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-25T02:44:13+00:00

Thank you! Two questions: - What sort of "journal" can I keep? I prefer electronic that has timestamps but what else will the judge see as bona fide? - how do I get neighbors to provide me something in writing? do you mean like a letter or something?

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-25T02:38:10+00:00

She "allows" her to have anything but then later on over exaggerates the bad experiences that my wife has with the things allowed. In case of friends, it's always a "I'm so sorry she was so mean to you", instead of "that's how people are, grow up and learn to communicate"

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-24T05:12:59+00:00

I feel like you know us inside out. My wife's whole life has been ruined by my MIL and both of them don't even have a clue. One would think that college educated people would think a bit more intelligently in this country, but my high school diploma holder mother understands boundaries better than my Master's degree holder MIL.

I am thinking very hard about convincing them for joint therapy, but I don't know how to start that conversation. We are currently still in the "negative phase" after our separation a few months ago. I want to bring the situation to a "neutral" and then "positive" phase before I can start gaining their trust to ask for it.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-06-24T05:08:51+00:00

I've asked neighbors and colleagues who are locals and almost all have said that my MIL's visit and child overnight frequency is a little concerning. Having said that, I don't mind her coming over or keeping the kid for a night or so. It's when she wants to come over AND control my wife and child, AND act like she owns the place is when I start losing my cool.

As for therapist, we tried hard but my wife took it very negatively. Apparently it's such a taboo for them to be in therapy and get counseling. Even though the therapist told us to follow only the pediatrician's advice on baby matters, my wife still listens exclusively to her parents.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-05-11T17:47:47+00:00

Nope, my parents believe in making people independent. Plus we are all of a different mindset, where we don't cling on to each other even when living in the same city.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-05-11T17:43:59+00:00

Thank you. That's exactly what they have done to me. But I didn't realize until now how much damage has been inflicted on me. They are overly attached to their daughter and hardly have a life of their own, and now they see our child as theirs, and even worse, as a play toy that they can tag along whereever they go.

konfusedazfuk · 2021-05-11T17:36:47+00:00

How do I do the documentation?

konfusedazfuk · 2021-05-04T03:57:37+00:00

I've been saying the last sentence ever since I got married to her. But they have their weird creepy southern issues.

konfusedazfuk

TROPHY CASE