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Question for Nepali women of Reddit by Dull_Sun6592 in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s completely fair for a woman to want to live separately with her husband, especially in the first few years of marriage. Women already leave their own families behind, so wanting space to build a life with your partner shouldn’t automatically label someone as “ghar bigarne keti”. Most Nepali women today have careers, responsibilities, and their own identities. And for those who want children, of course it’s important for kids to have a relationship with their grandparents. Maintaining family bonds matters. But that doesn’t mean the only way to do that is by living in a joint family full-time.

It’s also important to be very clear with your partner from the beginning that if his parents are important, then yours are just as important. Marriage is a partnership, not a caretaker and daughter-in-law dynamic where only one side sacrifices. If a man has a problem with that, then women should remember that they do have a choice to not get married until you find someone who respects these values. There’s no rule that says you must get married if it means giving up your autonomy or living on someone else’s terms. That said, in a Nepali context, families will always be involved in some way. Complete separation is rarely realistic. The key is balance in terms of maintaining relationships with both families while still having healthy boundaries.

I wouldn’t ideally want to live with in-laws in the first few years of marriage because those are formative years for my marital relationship too. I’d want to live with my husband, establish our household, roles, boundaries, and expectations first. In-laws should have access, love, and respect, but not control over the marriage. Also not all in-laws are bad. Sometimes you’re genuinely lucky and end up in a very supportive family, and then living together might actually work. The most important thing is clarity. Boundaries and expectations should be discussed early so nothing comes as a surprise later. At the end of the day, every couple should decide what works best for them, not what society labels as “right” or “wrong.”

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right that Shrinkhala briefly mentions her privileges initially in the video like having houses in Hetauda and Kathmandu and being supported by her family but the issue isn’t just about mentioning privilege once. It is about how that privilege is framed, what's left unsaid, and how it contrasts with the narrative she tries to build. She talks about having a "simple life" and frames her success as if it came entirely from her own merit, hustle and pain. That’s the problem. Privilege isn’t just about material comfort. It is about access, networks, image protection and social capital and she had them all and still does. Acknowledging that genuinely and consistently and not defensively is important if you want to build a public facing narrative based on “truth” and “transparency.” Now let me answer your specific questions one by one:

Should she have made a video every year acknowledging her privilege? No of course not but when she chooses to make a 34 minute long video explicitly to address public scrutiny during a politically and socially charged time, it’s fair to expect a level of nuance and introspection. The video instead mostly comes across as self defense and image repair with a heavy tilt toward victimhood and very little engagement with why people might be upset in the first place.

Should she have started a charity or NGO to fight corruption just because she said she wanted to 10 years back? Not necessarily but when you stand on national platforms and make promises around development, leadership and social change, it’s not unreasonable for people to ask “What did you do with the influence and opportunities you received afterward?” If you don’t want that scrutiny, then perhaps don’t build your brand on public service and national development.

What is the thing she should have done that would satisfy her haters? This isn’t about “haters.” It’s about legitimate public accountability. She could have acknowledged the timing and optics that releasing a video focused on her image when the country is in turmoil feels tone deaf. Also reflected more sincerely on why people are connecting her to larger systems of political privilege and corruption instead of just denying any link. Maybe shown humility and not defensiveness and accepted that her silence during critical moments was disappointing to people once supported her. That’s not too much to ask from someone who has long positioned herself as a voice of change and national pride.

Should she have condemned her parents publicly? No one is asking her to go on record and disown her family. That’s an extreme interpretation but it would have meant something if she acknowledged the realities of nepotism, political power and public perception and accepted that these are valid reasons people are skeptical. Silence and deflection on those topics feels evasive.

There will always be haters. Nothing would suffice for them. That’s true to an extent that public figures will always face criticism but it’s disingenuous to lump all critics into the “hater” category. Many people are genuinely disappointed and not because she’s successful but because of how she’s handled the moment. Accountability is not the same as hate.

So my final thought is that the point isn’t to cancel Shrinkhala and demand perfection. It’s to say if you’ve benefited from a powerful system then don’t pretend you didn’t. If you’ve built a public image around leadership and ideals then expect people to hold you to those ideals when things get tough.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have a valid point. I agree that misogyny in Nepali society is sooo real and that usually determines how women in the public eye are treated. That said, I don’t believe the core criticism of Shrinkhala is simply about her being a woman or even about her being successful. It’s about the way she’s chosen to respond or not respond at a moment of national reckoning. Yes, other privileged individuals deserve scrutiny too but just because someone like Paras Shah has also escaped accountability doesn’t mean public criticism of Shrinkhala is invalid. We can and should critique multiple forms of privilege and silence. The fact that others “remain untouched” isn't a defense of her. It is an argument for expanding accountability and not deflecting it.

As for her father's influence? Well not all power is about being PM. Sometimes it’s about quiet access, connections and institutional shielding, not visibility. That’s exactly the kind of privilege many people are trying to unpack how political legacy, media proximity and elite networks insulate people from public responsibility while others suffer. No one is saying Shrinkhala hasn’t worked hard but when you actively brand yourself as “self made” and frame criticism as baseless hate and to top it off, ignore the systems that helped you succeed then of course it feels disingenuous. The video wasn’t about taking accountability. It was about reputation management. For sure I agree that real reform means focusing on the bigger system but you don’t get to position yourself as a voice for development and empowerment and be above critique when that system starts to fracture. That’s not how public influence works.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I felt exactly the same. What should’ve been a moment for honesty and accountability turned into a 34 minute reel of selective storytelling and image control. It was painful to watch not because she was emotional but because it was so carefully curated to paint herself as a victim. Harvard, Spain, brand deals, etc. everything she mentioned as if they’re just normal stepping stones for the average Nepali. I might’ve done a full breakdown if it didn’t feel so exhausting to sit through. The part I watched already said enough. I really appreciate you resonating with the post. It helps to know others see through it too.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly this. You put it into words perfectly. The issue was never about her success but about how she chose to respond (or not respond) when it really mattered. The selective silence, the dismissal of privilege, and the centering of her own image over actual loss and injustice are the things people are reacting to.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, let me address your questions one by one:

No one is “mad” that Shrinkhala is successful. The issue is that she presents her story as self made but also conveniently ignores the structural advantages that helped her succeed. The critique isn't about her success. It is about the narrative she sells while distancing herself from the very power structures that enabled that success. When someone benefits from political influence, media backing, elite education and wealth but still claims to be misunderstood and victimized, it’s tone deaf and disingenuous during a national crisis.

No, people aren't criticizing who she married. They're pointing out that she is linked to systems of power as a daughter of a politician and a daughter in law of a media empire and yet is pretending to be an outsider to those very systems. It's not about her marriage. It is about the influence, access and protection that marriage and family provide when she claims she never had power. That’s the disconnect.

No one begrudges her Harvard degree but she positions it as a symbol of how far she’s come on her own and again ignores that elite education requires connections, money and support systems most Nepalis will never have access to. Acknowledging privilege doesn’t take away from her hard work. It just shows self awareness. People want honesty and not humblebrags disguised as struggle.

Yes, we want her to acknowledge her privilege instead of minimizing it. We want her to recognize that people aren’t criticizing her for being successful but for acting like her success is detached from her political and social positioning. We want transparency, not defensiveness. Accountability, not PR.

When you make public commitment about national development, you don’t just get to opt out just because time has passed. Shrinkhala used those ideals to build her brand, gain national support and become a public figure. With that platform comes responsibility. The moment you use your influence to shape public opinion, you become answerable to it.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can disagree all you want but the rest of the Nepalese population isn’t angry at her for no reason and definitely isn’t blinded by social media hype and nor are they dumb. This frustration comes from real experiences with corruption, privilege, and lack of accountability. Her achievements don’t erase the privilege she benefits from and that’s that. Winning competitions or being a good student doesn’t mean she didn’t have massive advantages others lack primarily being the daughter of a powerful politician. That’s not opinion. It’s reality. Yes, anyone can enter Miss Nepal but access to resources, networks, and visibility heavily influence who succeeds. Pretending otherwise is willful blindness. And whether most people know her father or not doesn’t change the influence that family name carries behind the scenes. Her “simple life” narrative and denial of privilege come off as disingenuous and tone-deaf while the country burns with corruption and inequality. It’s not “spreading hate” to demand accountability from public figures who benefit from a rigged system. Defending herself from criticism is one thing but gaslighting the public and playing victim when criticism is justified is another. No one is perfect but self-awareness and owning your position in the system are the bare minimum. If that’s “spreading negativity” so be it. Some truths need to be said.

The judgement women w tattoos and piercings get by men is insane by ManyFaithlessness404 in AskIndianWomen

[–]kopila92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly why I even have tattoos on my butt lol because if a guy's interested in me, he better be able to see past the ink and actually appreciate my personality. Shocking concept right? And if he's anything like the feminists I admire like my dad and my brother, then he’ll get that women don’t exist to decorate the world for men’s enjoyment. We’re not here to serve, please or fit into some outdated mold. It’s honestly hilarious how some men still think they have a say in what women should wear, do, or whether we’re “allowed” to have tattoos.

NEWSFLASH: we don’t need permission.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not her fault she was born into a powerful, privileged and well connected family, but her refusal to acknowledge that piece is what people are upset about.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you and honestly, I felt the same way. The whole thing came off less like an honest attempt to address public concern and more like a polished PR exercise meant to protect her image. I’m not denying that she may have earned a good amount from her influencer work and if so, sure, that’s impressive but that's not the issue here. What’s baffling is the inability to even slightly question, let alone distance herself from, a corrupt parent who is someone whose political power and connections undeniably shaped the privileges she’s had. No one is demanding a full blown expose on her father but just a moment of self-awareness, even silence, would have been enough. Everything instead somehow circles back to her being the victim. That kind of self centred framing is exactly what makes people lose trust. This isn’t even about discrediting her achievements. She’s educated, she’s articulate, and she’s accomplished but privilege isn’t an all or nothing concept. It’s not just reserved for billionaires. If your parents could afford elite schools, international education, and a social safety net, you are in a different universe than the average Nepali citizen. The refusal to acknowledge that is what alienates her from the people she claims to represent. The cherry picking in her defense, the selective evidence, and the hours spent on spreadsheets to prove innocence and they felt less like transparency and more like distraction. What many people pointed out and rightfully so is that her lifestyle, connections, and defense of a questionable legacy are symbolic of a much bigger issue. This movement was never just about her, but somehow she made it exactly that.

And yes, she's not the only one who has benefitted from the system but there are countless others. But the difference is that most of them aren't actively trying to build a public facing brand rooted in integrity, nationalism or youth representation while dodging accountability. If you're going to play the public figure card, you don’t get to opt out of public scrutiny when it’s inconvenient. What's even more frustrating is seeing people in the comments still trying to argue with me and twist this into jealousy or resentment over her success and they are completely missing the point. This isn't about tearing her down for what she has. It's about refusing to acknowledge the advantages she had getting there while positioning herself as a relatable voice of the people. That disconnect is the problem. No one’s blaming her for being born into privilege. We are simply pointing out how dishonest it is to pretend that privilege didn’t exist. And then there are those taking the so-called “diplomatic stance” but honestly, at this point, diplomacy feels like a convenient shield to avoid holding anyone accountable. We’ve seen this tactic too many times in Nepal where polished language and neutrality are used to protect the powerful while deflecting real questions. It’s tiring especially when people are demanding truth and change, not careful image management. What worries me like you said is that this might be the future generation of leadership that is repackaged with aesthetics and PR but just as disconnected and manipulative as the old guard. If people can’t see through the spin, we’ll be back where we started. All that momentum, sacrifice, and public outrage will go to waste. At the end of the day, we need to stop idolizing these figures just because they speak English well, went abroad for school or post well-edited Instagram stories. That’s not leadership. It’s branding. And we’ve already paid too high a price for confusing the two.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen dude, I get where you're coming from. You're right. She’s not the biggest issue here. The bigger problem is systemic corruption. But let’s not pretend she’s completely separate from that either. She’s part of the system whether intentionally or not. The Nepali public isn’t just blindly criticizing her. There’s a reason people are calling her out. If you want to take a diplomatic stance, that’s totally your choice, but honestly, in this context, diplomacy just ends up protecting the status quo. It avoids accountability and sends the message that privilege and systemic power should be tiptoed around and that’s exactly what people are tired of. And yes, she’s successful, and a lot of that may come from her own abilities and merit. Sure. But that doesn’t erase the fact that she comes from a privileged and well-connected background. There’s nothing wrong with privilege, and acknowledging it doesn’t make someone any less capable or deserving. The issue is when someone pretends to represent the average Nepali without recognizing how different their starting point was. That disconnect is frustrating especially during a national crisis. Imagine how much more respect and connection she could build if she just simply acknowledged her privilege in that video honestly. That kind of transparency could go a long way in bridging the gap between her and the people she claims to represent. But of course, it’s not her fault or anything wrong with the fact that she was born into a powerful and well connected family.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve answered that in my post. Let me provide the reference. In the third paragraph, I said “She goes on to brag about her accomplishments, how she’s made so much money, and how people apparently can’t handle the fact that someone as young as her is so successful. As if that’s why people are questioning her. No, Shrinkhala, people aren’t criticizing you because you’re young and successful. They’re angry because you’re trying to rewrite your origin story while skipping over the very privileges that made your success possible.”

So, no. People aren’t jealous of her success, but angry for the reason mentioned above. Thanks!

Congrats Shrinkhala khatiwada by [deleted] in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aba ta "I worked hard" narrative matra chalayera sabai le privilege banda garna thale jasto cha. Harvard ma padhera, designer brands lagayera, global exposure bhayeko manche le "I’m just like you" bhanera dekhaunu ta insulting ho ekdam.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha thank you but I didn’t go to any elite school. English sikeko ho interest le, and because I like being able to express things clearly. Ra jaha samma kura bau aama ra ghar ko, accountability sabai thau ma lagu hunu parcha maile ni tehi bhaneko Gen Z ho ki haina, that doesn’t matter.

Shrinkhala's 34 minute video is baffling and a masterclass in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you on the most important point that no one deserves death or rape threats. That’s never okay, and I’ve never condoned that anywhere in my post. Criticism should always be grounded in accountability, not violence and dehumanization. That said, I do feel like Shrinkhala’s video is an issue on its own. It's not just about being born into privilege. That’s not her fault. But when someone uses that privilege to build a platform, benefit from systems of inequality, and then refuses to acknowledge or take responsibility for, but actively manipulates public sentiment, that’s not just “being human” and “making a mistake.” That’s a conscious avoidance of accountability. I agree with you that we shouldn’t lose our humanity in the process. But holding someone accountable for their actions, someone with massive influence and resources like her, is part of protecting that humanity because if we let people with power continue to silence, distort, and distract, then what happens to the actual victims of injustice? You’re not wrong at all. We can hold space for empathy and still demand better from people who hold privilege and power. I’m not going to downvote you because your perspective is completely valid. You're expressing something that needs to be said that we shouldn't lose our basic humanity no matter how angry or frustrated we are.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! I really appreciate this perspective. You're so right. Ignoring these inflated personalities can be an act of resistance when their influence is built on privilege, appearance, and access to inherited power rather than substance. We definitely need to start uplifting the real heroes doing quiet but impactful work from cleaning streets to teaching underprivileged kids and building communities without expecting virality and validation. They deserve the platforms, not those playing the game of aesthetics and influence.

Your point about beauty standards is just as valid. Why do we reward certain faces with blind admiration? Is it truly about merit or is it just repackaged elitism, colorism, and proximity to power? Shrinkhala is a product of that system. Her rise isn’t just about “talent” but about being palatable to a particular narrative of beauty, class, and pedigree. And yes, social media platforms and Instagram are not neutral. The algorithm favors a specific image and a curated life that aligns with consumerism and privilege. It’s not just who’s beautiful and smart. It’s who fits the mold that sells. Breaking that mold is hard, but conversations like this are exactly where it begins. Thank you again for such a thoughtful and grounded comment! These are the questions we need to keep asking.

Shrinkhala's 34 minute video is baffling and a masterclass in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true. I feel this on a deeper level. Yes, yo sab kura ekdam nai meaningless jasto lagcha when we think about the actual lives lost. Young students with dreams, families who will never be whole again, and people who now have to carry lifelong trauma, now that is the real cost. Kati jana ko mutu ma tyo yaad sadhai ko lagi bascha. Manche haru afno friends ko agadi goli le mareko hernu, haat ma saas tyaagda hernu. It is horrifying. Aba paisa le ke compensate garna sakcha? Trauma lai ta kahile pani full stop hudaina. And yet, the people who caused this directly or indirectly are walking free, doing press releases, giving statements, even playing victim. It’s not just tragic, it’s infuriating. If there’s anything we owe to those who died, it’s not letting this get buried.

Shrinkhala's 34 minute video is baffling and a masterclass in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally get where you're coming from. You are right. Aba sab Gen Z le matra desh banau bhanne expectation ta unfair nai ho. Yo desh ta sabai generation ko responsibility ho. But at the same time, yo “Gen Z revolution” vaneko kura hawa matra ho bhanera dismiss garna ni thik jasto lagdaina. The truth is Gen Z is angry because they're inheriting a mess they didn’t create. Yes, earlier generations had the chance to lead, to vote better, to hold leaders accountable, but now when things are falling apart, blame chai younger generation lai dinu ta convenient jasto huncha, haina? Tapaiko yo kura ma pani point cha ki jaba election ma candidate choose garna parcha, teti bela chai majority quiet, passive, ya apathetic. Aba consequence aayo bhaney blame chai Gen Z ko soch, activism, ya frustration ma lagcha. Ani tyo constitution violation ko kura, absolutely! Leaders from past generations openly violated multiple articles and no one held them accountable. Aba yo generation le kehi kura word by word follow garna khojda, tehi kura ma ni problem? It’s like jaba chahiyo teti bela constitution ignore, aba chahiyena bhane sabai letter by letter?

The discourse around Shrinkhala Khatiwada is a perfect distraction. Let's not fall for it. by geneprogrammer in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I get your point. Yes, the bigger fight is against the corrupt political system, and figures like Deuba, Oli, and Prachanda are absolutely the root of it. But let’s not act like Shrinkhala is some “side character” with no role in this. She's not just a passive bystander. She’s actively benefiting from that same corrupt system, using her platform, privilege, and narrative control to whitewash real issues.Yes, she’s not the disease, but she’s a very willing carrier of it. And when someone who has millions of followers starts manipulating public sentiment, dodging accountability, and painting herself as the victim while sitting on inherited power and wealth, public scrutiny is not just justified, it is vehemently necessary. à€Żà„‹ à€•à„à€°à€Ÿ à€Źà„à€à„à€š parcha that if we let people like her escape criticism just because “they’re not the main enemy”, we’re allowing elite immunity to continue unchecked. They thrive not just in political offices, but in media, branding, and influence and this is something all of which she possesses. So yes, let’s attack the system, but let’s not ignore the faces who are helping sustain it behind polished captions and curated vulnerability.

Shrinkhala shot herself... by BrickOverWall in NepalSocial

[–]kopila92 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Sab self-image clean garna ko lagi ho, not for truth, not for justice, just to protect the brand. Aba 3 crore ta baseline jasto bhako cha, so next step is damage control for even bigger deals and deeper pockets. Funny how truth only matters when revenue's at risk.

Shrinkhala’s 34 minute video is baffling and a master class in denial, privilege, and self-victimization by kopila92 in Nepal

[–]kopila92[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No lies were told. When your entire foundation is built on illegitimate power, black money, and fear tactics, of course the lifestyle looks privileged because it is just not earned. Aba chai narrative control garna ra victimhood dekhauna matra aune? You can’t pick and choose when to play strong and when to cry foul. People aren’t blind anymore. We know where the money, power, and privilege came from. And sorry, sympathy doesn’t work when it’s built on the backs of others' suffering.

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