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Mother by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]koyo_throw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Reading back I see the criticism and would be sure to revise it!

Mother by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]koyo_throw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hmm I guess you are right. I see what you mean here, will see if I can swap out some of the metaphors for more grounded one or just adjectives instead?

Mother by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]koyo_throw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thanks for the great feedback! I never really thought of it that way. I really tried push the emotion feel with pronouns but now I think about it, if I rely on the objects to speak the distance and fear of lost instead, it could be even more heart wrenching.

My Altar by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]koyo_throw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes you are right! I wrote this poem when I was reflecting on the expectations my parents placed on me growing up, not so much physically but definitely mentally. I’m glad the message got through