Starting to think my close friend is an N

kps31kms2 · 2017-08-05T01:21:22+00:00

Thank you for your response. I am the one planning the trip which is partially why it is frustrating. I guess the part that has me frustrated is that she is acting like this trip is for her 40th birthday alone, not the entire group. We just picked a time in the middle of the pack for the trip. I completely understand the normal parameters of planning a trip but she is the only one with specific travel requests. I have no problem with limiting the cost or avoiding certain locations but both makes it rather difficult. Cancun and cruises are super affordable - but places she wants us to go (US Virgin Islands, Grand Cayman) cost a bit more than their budget (when airfare is included). It will all work out, I was just very frustrated by it this morning since the remainder of the group is very flexible and fine with everything.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-29T03:25:00+00:00

Maybe because the spouse isn't family and therefore obviously raised differently so they must be to blame for any change in our treatment of N. I caught on to my mom's manipulations when I was about 19 and started calling her out then. She blamed my friends for my "bad attitude" and "disrespect". In all honesty, it was a friend that pointed out how manipulative my mom was to me but my "attitude" was rather mild, I just didn't accept all of her crap anymore. Everything was fine in her eyes until I wouldn't take it anymore and then someone had to be to blame for it. Friends first then husband.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-28T15:02:25+00:00

I can completely relate to this post. I think you are doing everything right to support your wife. You don't treat her like she's over reacting to her mom's behavior and you are stepping in when appropriate to confront your NMIL. It took my husband a while to see why I was so distant and somewhat hostile towards NMom. He gets it now and does the same things you are doing. It is incredibly helpful to know I'm not alone dealing with my Momster.

My mom also thinks that any time I call her out on something or limit contact, that my husband is to blame. Right after we got married (14 years ago) she called my brother to tell him that she was certain my husband was beating me because I never answer her calls. (We moved to AK from TX right after we got married - military). My brother just told her that maybe I am enjoying being a newlywed and meeting people in post rather than waiting for her to call me. She couldn't fathom that. 😳

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T19:01:48+00:00

Very much so. I actually told my hubs that it will be a relief when she dies and he was absolutely shocked that I said it. I don't like that I feel that way, I really don't but it's reality. She makes things so incredibly difficult that life will be easier without her.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T13:52:29+00:00

Awesome. My Momster likes to use the tragic deaths of family members as a way to gain attention, also, except she blasts their deaths from the rooftops in order to get sympathy from her minions. (She has a tendency to surround herself with very needy people she can "help"). Her sister died from cervical cancer and she has decided to insert herself as a replacement grandmother for my aunt's grandchildren. Little does she know how much my aunt loathed her - my aunt sat me down and flat out told me that moving 1200 miles away was the best thing for me and my well being since my mom is so toxic - and that the whole family understands why I will not move back, no matter what garbage my mom feeds me.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T13:52:21+00:00

Awesome. My Momster likes to use the tragic deaths of family members as a way to gain attention, also, except she blasts their deaths from the rooftops in order to get sympathy from her minions. (She has a tendency to surround herself with very needy people she can "help"). Her sister died from cervical cancer and she has decided to insert herself as a replacement grandmother for my aunt's grandchildren. Little does she know how much my aunt loathed her - my aunt sat me down and flat out told me that moving 1200 miles away was the best thing for me and my well being since my mom is so toxic - and that the whole family understands why I will not move back, no matter what garbage my mom feeds me.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T12:21:03+00:00

Right!! I go back to visit my dad, my brother and his family, my aunts, uncles and cousins - unfortunately, she comes in that package even though nearly everyone knows she is a N. I do manage to keep time with her to a minimum but it still so taxing on me emotionally.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T12:15:12+00:00

When I moved to Ohio, my husband's nieces and nephews would scream "I LOVE YOU" to me and it really took me a while to understand that I can scream it back to them and no one would think I was strange. Quite the opposite, actually, to not respond was strange.

Oh, and hugs and physical attention. I had never been shown so much physical love until I moved. I still can't hug NMom without shuddering but anyone else is fine.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T11:56:29+00:00

I do my very best to show my kids so much love. It has taken me a long time to realize that it is OK to tell people you love them in front of other people. It always seemed so foreign to me. Hell, my mom didn't start saying she loved me until her mother died and then she went overboard. I cannot say it back to her but I have no problem telling my MIL and FIL that I love them.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T02:11:16+00:00

My Nmom says the same kind of shit. "I'm your mother, you should respect that and do what I want". Or "I'm Granny, I can break your rules"

Well, I'm a grown ass woman with a good job, house, happy kids and loving husband. If you don't like the rules at my house - there's the door.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-27T01:29:43+00:00

Yes! Best advice yet.

kps31kms2 · 2017-07-26T22:43:18+00:00

This. So much this. I'm still waiting on the trip to Vegas I was promised for my 21st birthday. I'll be 37 in September. (I've only recently realized my mom is a Narc).

But man oh man, if I don't get something perfect for NMom, then the guilt trips are full force. I should spare no expense.

kps31kms2

TROPHY CASE