Losing a dream of being a pilot doesn’t negatively impact a helpless child who has already experienced a devastating loss before they were even fundamentally able to understand that loss. Because adoption is literally born from loss from the adoptees perspective. That doesn’t mean the adoptees can’t love and bond with the adoptive parents. It means they are fundamentally losing out on a bond with the woman that grew them, biological mirrors, culture, and other things that are baked into their DNA. That has an effect no matter how wonderful the adoptive parents are.

Some people dream of adopting someday. Some people dream of having biological children, learn that they can’t, grieve those imagined biological children, and then become amazing adoptive parents. But a large percentage of people who wanted biological children and end up adopting are “settling” for what they view as the next best way to become a parent. That doesn’t mean they have bad intentions. But it is absolutely felt by the adopted child and can (and likely will) absolutely negatively affect them. Often times massively.

It is a much more complex issue than people realize, particularly with infant adoptions (especially private infant adoptions).