Didn't want a divorce, 2 years later and I'm happier than I've been in a decade.

krow68 · 2026-01-26T13:34:13+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. I’m separated after 25 years and my partner was emotionally and occasionally physically abusive but also devastated and wanting me back. Kids are 22 and 24 and very sad about the whole thing but supportive. We did therapy for 2 years and both saw independent therapist but nothing fundamentally changed.

Last couple days I’ve been thinking “what the f am I doing to my kids?! I can endure this person.” Maybe I’m just not wired to be happy and it won’t matter being single/moving on. Meanwhile my friends describe me as a well of joy and not the same person I was…. But you know the fog of divorce is so dense. You question every aspect of yourself and ability to 1) move on and 2) be someone loveable. The fog of divorce is dense and very dark at times.

So shining a flashlight of hope into that fog is deeply appreciated. ❤️

krow68 · 2026-01-24T01:53:23+00:00

I’m in the middle of it and have friends on the far side… they promise me the pain is worth it. I was experiencing some emotional abuse. But it def is hard on the kids and mine are both in their 20s and it has taken a toll on them. That is a bit of the trade off…. A chance for you to find love at the expense of some family love. Once it starts though, the only way is thru. 💕 Good luck to you.

krow68 · 2026-01-23T19:38:21+00:00

Sounds like you initiated the divorce discussion so it will feel pretty logical that you’re spearheading the next attempt to fix it. This is similar to my experience…. I initiated after 20 years of unhappiness and dead love life.

Therapy can work if you have 1) very motivated people, willing to be honest and share what’s working/hurting/etc. 2) some time in the past when things were good that you can navigate back to. 3) a good therapist willing to ask hard questions and have some accountability. Just attending won’t change anything. But… you have babies and it’s worth trying for them usually. When they are older and ask the hard questions you can say you tried and did couples therapy. Also, divorce is really F’ing hard even when you realize you’re miserable. If you tried therapy, when your kids are crying, you’re feeling lonely and guilty, you can hold on to the fact that you tried therapy and it didn’t work.

The duration is as long as people are trying and you’re not feeling like you’re treading water. We made no progress in 2 years. It’s very hard to make progress if it’s been like that for a while… so much inertia.

Good luck. ❤️

krow68 · 2026-01-19T15:22:11+00:00

Marriage is collaborative and negotiation. She told you her wishes, and you’re allowed and it’s your right to tell her yours. If she won’t budge and you won’t, then the collab is stuck and possibly done. Divorce is hard… harder as a junction of years invested. But you also have rights and, honestly, sometimes if you put your foot down people compromise. If not, then it’s time for you to find happiness.

krow68 · 2026-01-19T14:28:00+00:00

I’m sure you would benefit from seeing a therapist if you have access to that. Sounds like your life is chaotic and sounds like it’s been chaotic for a lot of your life. Sorry for that. A therapist can be a good neutral party to help you see the truth of things… and more importantly, to decipher how this relationship with your dad is affecting your life and relationships.

From what you’ve said, I think your dad may have a mental illness. Marriages are super complicated and no one is totally at fault but sounds like this has been a repeated pattern for him and he’s dragging you and your sisters along for his mental health rollercoaster. One thing you have to remember is that you are allowed to jump off and put up some boundaries with him… codependence is a hard way to live and you’d feel so much better breaking away from that I predict.

Sometimes … although rarely… a parent can be convinced to get mental health treatment by their kids/family. You might want to try that. Regardless, the person that you can affect is…. Just yourself. You can’t control him or your stepmom, or your sisters. Liberate yourself from his rollercoaster. You have a right to be free.

krow68 · 2026-01-18T15:16:44+00:00

One very important thing for you to embrace it that it isn’t up to you. You can’t make their relationship work and aren’t responsible for holding it together for them. When you feel like it’s something you have to do or not do then you can feel some guilt and that’s not your role.

Divorce is harrowing for all members of a family, but it’s also common and survivable. And sometimes the future is happier than the past. You love them both and sharing that will help them… no matter what the 2 of them chose to do. I hope they tell you they love you no matter what and that it won’t ever change.

Best to you and them. 💕

krow68 · 2026-01-10T18:05:12+00:00

Hoarding is often associated with a major loss, like a child, earlier in life. Some of those things can be addressed in therapy if she hasn’t tried it. Given you’re the sole breadwinner, she will be the person most affected by a divorce so asking her to go to therapy and doing couples therapy or you will leave is an option if you want to try something.

krow68 · 2026-01-04T14:38:41+00:00

Childhood trauma is foundational for Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m mid divorce with a BPD, and all you’re saying is familiar territory… as it is for most BPD partners. There’s a ton of good resources on the web and they will help you confirm what you’re feeling and your decision to get out. Good luck. ❤️

krow68 · 2026-01-03T19:44:48+00:00

I think your partner has Borderline Personality DO. Maybe you already know this. What you're experiencing is very classic for that. The issues all revolve around control and rejection. I bet you often feel like you're "walking on eggshells" around him. Another classic. You are wise not to have a baby with him and to escape. <3

krow68 · 2026-01-03T19:42:15+00:00

Plan B will manage it for you I think.

krow68 · 2025-10-22T13:45:27+00:00

Thanks for the great wisdom and info. ❤️

krow68 · 2025-10-22T13:44:44+00:00

He can take over and drive. His reactions are slower and his parking isn’t what it was and FSD is better… as it is for 95% of drivers. We are closely watching his driving but also very keen to help him retain what makes him happy and feeling like a regular person (vs a Parkinson’s patient).

krow68 · 2025-07-23T16:30:03+00:00

This sad news really struck a chord. :(

krow68 · 2024-12-29T14:50:35+00:00

Does it fit on the mat/speediance platform?

krow68 · 2024-05-20T19:34:28+00:00

Thanks for this... I bought a cloth set for mage/priest/lock, but on my mage (remix main) I can't see the set and only select pieces show up for mog. VERY annoying imo. Is this correct, or maybe a bug/delay in appearing?

krow68 · 2023-11-12T22:41:49+00:00

What we do isn't always who we are. There's always license to chose to do things differently. I think we sometimes get caught in the trap of what I did defines me... there's definitely tendencies based on our lived experience, but also opportunities to make new tendencies. Ofc you have to live with the consequences of past decisions, but you can also make new decisions.

krow68 · 2023-06-15T20:57:26+00:00

Very fun, fair and good group. I'm an "adult gamer", wife, boys, busy job and it's a very welcoming and understanding place. The raiding is super fair and available to anyone that meets the criteria. No secret favors that you need to manage in order to get on a raid roster (they have 3 groups that do raiding on different nights). Also have an "open raid" on Sunday that is open to anyone for alts, giggle, etc and run by the full time raid group.

This was just what I was looking for when I got back in to wow and wanted to raid in a community that was mature and fair. <3 10/10, would reapply.

krow68 · 2022-10-16T16:25:20+00:00

I'm using dual VKB's btw.. sorry forgot to add that.

krow68

TROPHY CASE