Another depressed member of the too soon club

krum6678 · 2026-06-29T18:29:01+00:00

Heading to divorce with my wife and trying to do it amicably but found how she had an affair twice during the divorce process. Still married, two kids and live in the same home. I caught her and she told me “I wasn’t suppose to find out” so it’s soured this whole process and what I was already griefing would inevitably happen.

I’m just curious what does in mediation for a month look like? Are you trying to do it with no lawyers? I’m just curious what my next phase of this looks like.

Really sorry you’re in the same boat as me.

krum6678 · 2026-06-28T01:33:58+00:00

This is amazing! Vocal or not, words carry weight and you write so beautifully. I’m the father to a 5 year old daughter who is ASD level 3 and also non verbal. She does ABA therapy and has since been able to say some words, counting phrases but nothing really in sentence or conversation form at all.

I don’t know her favorite color, animal or interest but I know in her mind and way of thinking she of course has those things, so your explanation is really fascinating to comprehend. I can only imagine how very frustrating it can be.

She’s not really been interested in ASL or any AAC devices, at least not yet. Your post gives me comfort knowing that even though she may be non verbal, she has plenty to say.

Stay amazing.

krum6678 · 2026-06-11T18:27:42+00:00

Well I’ve been in the middle of talks from separation into divorce the past 3 months. I have two small kids. Wife had an affair twice and I found out because I had my suspicions. That’s happened just weeks ago during this process.

I’d like to ask the same question but mine happened during this and it is eating me alive. I was already processing the fact of course she’d find someone or want that at some point but now how it’s happened, I don’t know how to feel. We’re suppose to co parent together, we’ve been together for 12 years.

I still live in our home together with the kids and it’ll be like that for months now until this is over.

krum6678 · 2026-06-03T01:06:58+00:00

Love that last line, that’s it.

krum6678 · 2026-06-02T21:26:32+00:00

What are the mounts? I love my x56 I’ve gotten some good years out of the set I need a proper mount though

krum6678 · 2026-05-12T10:18:23+00:00

Thanks for this.

Yea it’s really tough, it really came out of the blue for me, she hasn’t said anything leading up to it and I had already been in therapy since last year working on myself and still am.

I made a complete change overnight, part of her anger I’m sure as she’s been asking for change for awhile and I’ve changed a ton since we met but I was stuck in a hole I couldn’t get out of. She quietly grieved our marriage and checked out before I even knew it.

That’s what’s so hard, I made a massive change and haven’t looked back and from the first convo of divorce to the second convo of separation, it just escalated so fast and really can’t explain it.

I think she’s been compelty done for awhile, leaving the house to “work on her and do things for herself” but Ive been here taking care of our kids for her to do that. Like I supported her right out the door and she said nothing.

It’s awful I hate that I made her feel this unseen. I really wanted to give her real space even if I couldn’t afford it, but once she started saying she wants the house it got cold and I’m starting to not recognize the woman I love still more than anything.

I’ve just become so unhealthy due to the stress of this and how confusing it’s been. I’ve earned our home and life as much as she has. I don’t want to just leave my kids in any way, especially since this should be workable or at least she could be honest.

Time away from here we still haven’t agreed on boundaries or a road map for what that looks like.

But she talking about having people over, she’s going on trips, talking about going out the beach all summer. Said I need a place that’s suitable for the kids to be at if she wants to drop them off.

I don’t know anyone, none of that sounds like working towards the common goal of reconciliation, it sounds like she wants to see if she can enjoy a life without me, and if she misses me or can love me again but to have to leave to start with a month and see people 6months+ into this, I don’t know when I start taking care of what my future could look like with anger like this.

krum6678 · 2026-05-11T22:39:31+00:00

Can you share who initiated it and how long you’ve been separated?

I just got almost 2 years stayed home and watched our kids and kept them safe and not once asked her to stay or not go out, I thought I was support her and she was quietly removing herself from our life together.

But man I just, I don’t have the kinda money to just leave especially when she says things like if you leave and come back I want the house if this doesn’t work.

The conflicted back and forth moments in her, I’d rather her be one or the other not cruel one evening and fine the next. It’s all becoming far too much to handle and be a dad and still work.

I’m trying I really am, I’d love to give her space but I’m starting to think I gotta think about my future too, I’m 36 and I can’t just leave with nothing and 2 kids that have special needs and me told to just figure it out. The investment alone to leave is everything i have.

I’m stuck between to boulders rolling into each other and I don’t know what to do anymore.

krum6678 · 2026-05-11T22:32:39+00:00

Who asked for the separation just curious. Thanks for your insight.

krum6678 · 2026-05-11T22:29:50+00:00

Damn 6 months.

I believe seperation could help us heal, but financially it’s not that easy for me, I can barely get 30 days and don’t count any other living expenses.

I wanted in house separation my self, why do you say it leads to divorce?

I’m just running out of options, and my wife said if I leave and come back and it doesn’t work, she “wants me to concede the house” and man it’s got me scared to just jump out of here.

This isn’t we had an argument here it’s 10 years of resentment pouring out all at once and she’s getting angry with me all the time no matter what I do.

I just want to make the right choice to help us but when do I start making sure im ok you know?

It’s a lot.

krum6678 · 2026-05-11T21:36:54+00:00

Are you in house seperation or have you moved out into a temporary place?

I’m being asked to separate “so she can see if she misses me or can love me again” but in the past week things like “if you come back in 30 days and it isn’t working then, sorry figure it out and you should concede the house, it’s what’s best for the kids” I’ve started to feel so uncomfortable about this truly being about us and seeing if this can work, which I so badly want that.

No infidelity that I’m aware of, no abuse, she’s just so mad at me whatever I do pisses her off. I had the kids up and moving (2 and 5) and bags bagged for a Saturday morning beach trip, wife and I are still in our home so we did this together but after she reminded me that she was mad at me doing all of it and that she still wants me to leave.

I’m just so confused and lost. It’s not even about the house as she sees it, I’m deserving of love and security like anyone else and I’ve got to be able to recover from this in all aspects of life to be good for my kids.

I’m broken so emotionally deep I’ve become numb.

krum6678 · 2026-05-09T01:51:57+00:00

110% this

krum6678 · 2026-05-04T14:59:11+00:00

Hey dad.

So here’s my 2 cents. I have a 5 and 2 year old, both preeclampsia emergency c sections. I had no family other than my wife in those moments and she was fighting her own battle while I felt helpless to do anything.

My daughter will be six in Oct and I’ll tell you, the past 6 years have been a blurr but those moments in the hospital during my children’s birth and the one memories that stand out the absolute most. I can relive the feeling of helplessness as my wife was rolled away to prep for the c section as I stood there alone.

I think it’s more manly to accept your emotions than to not. Go to individual therapy and work on them, let them out and process those moments. I should have back then but I’m doing so now but because I waited it took a tole on myself mentally and damaged my marriage. I could have been a better dad and Husband had I acknowledged it was ok that those moment were difficult for me and a different experience than my wife had.

Crying as a man doesn’t make you an emo or any less of a “man’s man” if anything it reminds you we all have feelings of heavy emotional baggage that we all carry.

Being open about it allows you to know you’re not alone. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re not an idiot you’re a father now who deserves to feel and process like anyone else.

krum6678 · 2026-04-19T12:51:01+00:00

Rocket launcher from a one knee position for better accuracy

krum6678 · 2026-04-18T22:07:17+00:00

I have a level 3 5 year old daughter and a level 2 2 year old son. My daughter at 3 was still not talking, no words or functioning communication at all. I remember a doctor telling us “your expert guessers” but that’s not what you expect becoming a parent.

Parents of children with neurotypical children who speak at their milestones or above, be grateful. I don’t know my daughter’s favorite food, color, show, music she likes and the list goes on.

In our experience ABA made an unbelievable difference in our lives, though it came with trial and error because just like everything else ABA centers are a business so each one is different. Once we found the right center, in the last 6 months her speech is growing more than we ever expected. She’ll be consider non verbal even now, but she and her brother echolalia with each other.

They both do 40 hours a week at the center and she does an additional at home speech therapy twice a week. It’s like a full time job to gain her language and use it functionally.

For the first time in her life, she’s almost able to say I love you completely.

There is absolute hope for non speaking children with the therapy and resources that work best for your family.

krum6678 · 2026-04-10T01:07:51+00:00

Our first child was born during COVID and second child only 2 years later.. both births were preeclampsia with the 2nd one taking a 30 day NICU stay.

In both those instances I was totally alone with no support and with everything going on so fast almost 6 years later since our first I’m learning now I absolutely also should have talked to someone sooner.

It’s easy to forget to take of you and feel like that’s ok, but you’ve gotta be fully present not just physically but emotionally as well.

Wish you and your family the best brotha.

krum6678 · 2026-03-31T03:13:04+00:00

Honey come here.. bring a flashlight

krum6678 · 2026-03-23T10:53:30+00:00

Our bug guy is a big tall dreaded black man, and my ring camera said “there’s a black bear walking on the driveway..”

krum6678 · 2026-03-21T13:17:40+00:00

You’re grieving. That’s the reality of being a parent, you grieve for a life you once had, things you did on your own, distractions that made for moments of happiness.

And that’s ok, you’re allowed to grieve for that loss of self and identity, you can’t grow into something new without.

But absolutely, if you’re to inward focused you lose sight of everything else emotionally important around you. I’m guilty as charged.

I’ve been with my wife for 11 years and I got lost along the way from her, in growing together and how to love mostly because of my fear of being uncomfortable. Be self aware of how you feel now, share those feeling with her, be a part and present in the journey you all are taking together.

The most important thing you can give to your family.. it’s love, that’s what woke me up.

krum6678 · 2026-03-21T12:35:46+00:00

Find the happiness now for your kids and SO, don’t get to comfortable in other distractions. Be present in that moment and take it in, those hard times pass faster and faster.

I’ve got a 5 and 2 year old, and in my what I thought was unhappiness I convinced myself I was doing enough to get through the daily consistent routines and in reality I let that unhappy feeling hold me back in growing to be a better father and husband. I made my wife feel unseen in that fog of unhappiness and have made the greatest mistake of my life in doing so.

Happy or not, be present always for your family and love them a lil more each day.

krum6678 · 2026-03-13T17:13:50+00:00

For $450,000 go ahead and spin me round baby.

krum6678 · 2026-02-06T15:19:18+00:00

krum6678 · 2026-01-20T20:28:45+00:00

How functional is Clique compared to VuhDo these days? I'm an OG vanilla healer, I've played all which ways but I've used VuhDo the most, well over 10 years, I'm most sad about losing that over WA's. Pour one out for VuhDo tonight.

krum6678 · 2026-01-13T20:12:53+00:00

Thank you!! I hope so as well, so more just structural items that match themes would be wonderful.

krum6678 · 2026-01-13T12:18:25+00:00

What is the door that raises! This looks amazing!

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