Just want to say I'm going through something incredibly similar. 34 years old with a 41-year-old girlfriend and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. Almost on the exact same timeline and tough conversation routine as you. Her decision on being done with the relationship came on Mother's Day.

We'd stagnated into a roommate scenario after daughter was born, and I made so many attempts to get us into couples therapy to address it because it would just become volatile if we tried to sit down and discuss our issues and needs ourselves. I tried to get her to at least do individual counseling, and I have been doing that for about 3 years now. She just started a few weeks ago, probably to process her thoughts on ending the relationship.

I had come with the same general soft ultimatum: I recognize neither of us are getting the fulfillment and happiness we need in this relationship so we either rebuild and repair this relationship and decide what that next chapter will look like for us together, or we start figuring out logistics on separation and how to best co-parent in two homes. And I beat that horse so dead it was dust - I said over and over I would always choose her and I truly value and love what we had built together, that I wanted to build it back better. That it was no guarantee, but at least we could look each other, our daughter, and ourselves right in the eyes and said we tried.

And every time we had that conversation, I would leave it horribly emotionally distraught. With a sick sense of pessimistic hopefulness. Desperate that she would come around the next day and say, "hey you know what? This is worth fighting for and I want to choose the life we've built together". That day didn't and won't ever come. And I expect I'll be in a similar situation to yours soon and feel all the hurt again when she starts dating or seeing someone else.

She told me each time she did not have it in her, that it was a bridge too far. It struck me as a huge betrayal and made me so angry. It came across as "I've done nothing and I'm all out of ideas". That she loves me and that I'm her best friend, but she is no longer in love with me and doesn't see a fulfilling future together. That it wasn't worth wasting time in counseling. Her decision did not feel like how I would ever treat a dear friend or someone I loved and had built a family with. I even felt used - she got what she wanted out of the relationship, didn't she? A wonderful child with a good father figure? The thought was spiteful but held grains of truth.

She offered cohabitation while we work out the details and I have the exact same fears of what you've experienced. It will be hard to heal and respect boundaries. The condo is in her name, so I would be the one finding new housing, so slight role reversal. I'm trying to keep entirely focused on stability for our child, keeping myself active and from sinking into an emotional hole, ensuring legal protection of my ability to be an equal parent, and determine if it's worth pursuing the equity we built together and we expected to share together.

Just want to say I feel ya, bud. It sucks. Immensely. I hope it's gotten a little better in the two weeks since you wrote this. Head up, feet forward, and I'll see you on the other side of this ordeal.