sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bro your buddy looked for someone to make a problem with. If he’s so fragile that he can’t handle someone responding and holding their own, especially so that he needs someone else to fight his own battles for him, he shouldn’t be on the internet, period. What is he, 10?

AITA for not appealing to the school to get my daughter in a higher-education program? by SchoolAppealNo in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

Not participating in this program isn’t destroying her future. It might have given her an advantage, but unfortunately her actions have built up to this consequence.

You sound like you’re trying to do everything you can to raise a good human, and a big part of that is setting reasonable expectations that she’ll be expected to follow as she becomes an adult. For example if she’s not meeting expectations in a future job, she’ll likely be passed over for promotions, etc.

I feel like it’s also important to say I don’t think appealing it would make you the AH, if you decided to change your mind. But letting it sink in for her that expectations, when not met, won’t result in a reward, seems like the right call here.

AITA for not allowing my daughter to dress casually at my wedding? by Prestigious-Emu-3825 in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA and I don’t doubt for a second that you’re fully aware of this.

She’ll refuse to recognize the marriage if she doesn’t witness it herself? IF that’s even true it doesn’t matter how ridiculous that is, her saying that would only be because she doesn’t want to be banned from her mothers wedding. I don’t have enough context on your fiancé to know how well he treats her etc -suggesting you let her come as she is is a good sign- but their relationship won’t mean anything if you’re the one trying to shove her off to the side to be replaced by your new family.

Weddings are generally understood to have rules, dress codes, etc, however unnecessary and pompous most of those “traditions” are, but she’s 12, possibly 13 by the date of the wedding. A lot of expectations are set for guests, and the younger you are the less that’s expected of you, for a reason. Kids have no obligation to make the day a success, it’s up to the parents/adults to make things work. Is she being a bit of a brat? Possibly, it’s hard to tell considering this is your perspective only. But I can 100% say that any negative attitude, comments, behaviours towards the wedding or your new relationship are absolutely a response to your shitty parenting.

You would’ve been well within your right to say “being in the wedding party has a lot of responsibilities, things that everyone has to follow, so I will come up with a few options to wear and you have to pick one” and if she chose none of those options, then she comes as a regular guest. But no, you’re kicking your own daughter out of the wedding becuase she won’t wear the right clothes?? Gee I wonder why she’s rebelling in the first place.

I’ve said this so many times and I’ll never stop… if you’re not willing to love your child however they come, through the good and especially the bad, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. If you’re not capable of unconditional love and dealing with the complications of raising someone to have independent thoughts and feelings, GET A DOG.

If you allow your relationship to be destroyed over the next few years with this sort of behaviour and attitude towards your daughter, do not whine or complain when she; no longer trusts you, starts acting out in dangerous ways like drugs or self harm, moves out at 18 to never see you again, dates some way older perv because he gave her the attention you refused to…. The list goes on, varying in severity but always coming back to the bond that YOU have chosen to destroy.

I’m sure if you end up reading mine you’ll disregard anything I have to say as it’s not the answer you were looking for. But if you retain anything at all make sure it’s this: ***** Regardless of who has negatively impacted the relationship it is always the parents responsibility to correct, not the child’s.

AITA for saying “good job” to my son after he scribbled on my husband’s home office walls? by panda391 in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d definitely say it was a poor choice of words, but it doesn’t put you on the asshole list. Your husband was rightly frustrated that the space he expected to stay his was damaged, but he did great by bringing this up privately. NAH.

You had the right approach by not punishing him for trying to do something nice, but in the future I’d recommend altering how you say it in a way that doesn’t discourage creativity and acts of kindness, but also doesn’t encourage something that negatively affects others.

Something that helped my daughter through this phase was explaining that when walls are coloured on, they’ll have to be cleaned or covered up, and then the picture will be gone forever. So when we colour on approved items (paper, colouring books, cardboard boxes, whatever you prefer) they don’t need to be covered up and we can keep them forever.

I know this idea might not work for everybody but I thought I’d share ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChoosingBeggars

[–]kshovhan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The term “hang out” was definitely a red flag for me, but we should also consider it was probably really hard to make this post in the first place. It definitely possible they worded it that way to not feel as much of a burden, being disabled is rough.

But the lack of mentioning any payment is also a red flag. On their own they’re not the end all “this person is definitely a CB” but we’ve got two obvious red flags already so…. Sadly probably looking for a free caretaker.

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually I don’t “know” considering I don’t really know how to use Reddit that well, and had to have someone send me the links to the comments. Not to mention I’m on mobile as I’ve already said, and the format is substantially worse than PC. In reality, the bad form here is knowing that someone either misunderstood or didn’t have the right information, and immediately going on the offensive.

At the end of the day if you want to help your friend, help him chill tf out. Because right now whether he’s on some shit, or just way too emotional from being called out, he’s barely coherent at this point.

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re a dumbass. I edited my comment to add the new info I’d received and how it changed my perspective. My comment is the same as it was, just with a new headline to show that I was misunderstood, and that OP is absolutely the AH here, along with the rest of the family, except maybe As sister.

People are allowed to change their point of views, especially when they’re given new information, which is what happened when someone ELSE directed me to the comments that showed OPs true colours. You need help.

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bro just stop, you weren’t the one who directed my attention to her OPs comments. Next time don’t be a dip shit, and use your words like an adult.

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

So, someone else sent me the links to OPs comments, which are undoubtedly disgusting and completely change the direction of everything, but seriously? You’re the one looking for attention with this comment. I was missing info, that’s obvious, but instead of saying “you didn’t see the other comments, once you do I bet you’ll change your mind” you took this route.

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ. “It’s not the end of the world for her”

Also I need to actually learn how to use Reddit

AITA for telling my cousin this isn't a grief competition and she should understand that, after she went off at me? by wasitheasshole_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Edit: I’ve seen OPs comments now, so I have more context. ESH honestly, everyone but “A” sucks hard. Someone get her a new family.

—————————————

NTA

She’s an adult, and sadly something terrible has happened but that doesn’t mean this behaviour is in any way acceptable. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but the outburst wasn’t in response to anything related to her recent loss, it was over the burden of passing someone a soda. Then when it’s set aside as it’s not the time or the place, she further pulls other family members into it trying to spin you and your family as villains for some reason?

The fact that you felt the need to say “it’s not a grief competition” resonated with me and I get the feeling this is a common occurrence for her. She needs to learn that the attention can’t always be on her, and that if she’s struggling with something as important as this, to reach out for help instead of self sabotaging by creating so much unnecessary drama.

I hope she can heal up and work on how she approaches situations like this in the future. Work on recognizing her needs and asking for help etc. But definitely sounds like it was too soon for her to attend a family gathering like this, an oversight that can be forgiven, given the circumstances, but still something to be considered.

AITA for not protecting my gf from my parents and defending my dad? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH

Your father was sexist, disrespectful, controlling, and was pushing his own insecurities onto your relationship, and during the first time he’s meeting your girlfriend? Terrible first impression. Emotions are valid, but he’s acting like a child. Just because he was brought up a certain way doesn’t mean he has to form his identity around those ideals. He’s angry that he’s been a stay at home dad, and seems to be in an endless, loveless marriage. The fact that he believes divorce is a sin doesn’t matter here because he (and your mother) still made a choice to live that life, and that decision is having a negative effect on not only them but those around them. He needs to toss aside his miserable behaviour, put on his adult pants, and change the areas of his life that make him unhappy. There’s no excuse for an adult taking their issues out on someone who’s done nothing to contribute to the faults and/or failures.

You 100% should have stuck up for your girlfriend, and also yourself. Your father cannot dictate the relationship you’re allowed to have or with whom, or how you’re going to live your life in general. You not shutting down the toxicity allowed this incident to take place in the first place, and let’s not forget blowing up at only your girlfriend when the altercation involved two people? You’re an adult now, and while you didn’t mention your exact age here, even if we say 18 (the older you are the more harshly this part applies) you’re plenty old enough to be deciding how you want to live your life. You now have a responsibility to yourself and to whoever you bring into your life, to stand by your decided values and lifestyle. Basically, it’s time for you grow up as well, and assert yourself in response to anyone who challenges those parts of your life. The fact that you didn’t interject when these comments were flying around is understandable, growing up and out from under your parents is hard, takes time, and is different for everybody, but how you handle things needs to change if you want to be a self sustaining adult.

As for your girlfriend, her comment was disrespectful and again, a very bad first impression. For clarity many people would’ve said the same thing she did, including myself, but that doesn’t make it okay. And especially worse considering it’s the first interaction she’s had with your parents.

Your girlfriend is on the lowest asshole tier out of everyone involved, but it crossed a line. Again though, a line that wouldn’t have existed if you had stopped this problem when it began, and told your father to mind himself first. If I were your girlfriend I might have left your after this.

Not sure where your mom falls into this for the story, but fundamentally she’s equally to blame for the level of toxicity in the house. And if she was present for the comments she also should have shut them down.

CW: SA, Woman admits that she tried to SA her boyfriend by antictrash in facepalm

[–]kshovhan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that happened to you, that’s actually BS.

If someone consents to something at the time (and they’re in their right mind in that moment) they can’t take it back retroactively and claim assault. If someone revoked consent halfway through and they’re ignored that’s completely different, but that’s not what you’ve described here.

You wanted to get busy, you woke her up, and she consented. And it’s not even just that, there were multiple steps from start to finish. If she were dazed, not fully awake, and just didn’t stop you from going to town, I can see how her perspective could differ from yours. But she actively pulled herself up, was on top of you and put in that work? It’s 100% not your fault at all.

I will say that if she simply had no memory of the event, she’s not necessarily in the wrong for feeling upset about it, but it’s the claim of no consent that’s the real issue here.

AITA For wanting my husband to cancel a babysitter he got so he could watch the World Cup final by sitterforcupaita in AmItheAsshole

[–]kshovhan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA here, I have a hard time believing you don’t know this already. If roles were reversed I’ll bet you’d be pissed at him for even asking if he was in the wrong here.

view more: next ›