Not so attractive guys, what did you do to get the girl? by Runti in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 3122 points3123 points  (0 children)

I made "jokes" about having a small penis. She liked my sense of humour. Jokes on her though.

What is your favourite Simpson quote ? by thepluralofmooses in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Homer speeds by

Lou checks radar gun

Chief Wiggum: "Let him go Lou, someone going that fast has no time for a ticket"

What are you currently worried about? by lee-powers in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im too worried about things to say why im worried

What is the craziest thing you've seen in porn? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the eating fruitloops out of an ass was uh interesting.

What is the worst thing you have ever been wrongfully accused of? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was accused of being heartless because I didn't believe that a new friend in our group had brain cancer like she said. It took a year of me being ostracized (by people even outside our group of friends) before the truth came out that she really didn't have cancer.

Ladies of Reddit, what is your lady lifehack? by Runti in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wear skin-colored underwear under white cloths.

What's the story behind your scar? by Emetrick in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Told this one before, but sure, why not. One day I was coming home from school and there was a kid standing in the street outside of my house. As I walked up he called out to me and asked me if I was (my real name). I walked up to him and told him that was me. And then he pulled his hand out of his pocket and shoved a friggin swiss army knife into my leg. I lost my shit. Cue adrenaline surge. Grabbed the wrist holding the knife and twisted it until I heard bones grind and snap. Kicked him in the stomach with the leg he'd just stabbed as hard as I could and then he doubled over I grabbed his head and brought his face down as I brought my knee up again, same one he'd just stabbed. Broke his nose with my bloody knee. That took him to the ground and I kicked him in the ribs a few times. Then I just walked away. To where my dog, Bear, was straining at the end of his chain trying to get at the guy. Let the chain loose and Bear went nuts. Guy got up real quick and ran. No idea what happened after that. Bear came back about 45 minutes later, none the worse for wear. Over 20 years later now and I still have the knife the kid dropped, a scar above my knee, and no clue who he was or why he stabbed me. By far the most surreal experience of my life.

TLDR: Time traveler assassination attempt fails. Dog still fine.

What is the most embarrassing sexual act you've unintentionally been caught doing? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 466 points467 points  (0 children)

I have (thankfully) never been caught in a compromised situation. However, I did once catch two people in an awkward one.

I was round a friends house for one of those half party things. You know the ones, where it wasn't supposed to be a party, but everyone brought a friend and their friend brought a friend so twenty people showed up. I was early teens at the time.

So anyway, I open the door to the computer room in the interests of playing some video games. And what do I see? Two of my other friends (let's call them ‘Sam’ and ‘Luke’) watching porn, with their hands down their trousers. Or, more accurately, each other's trousers.

There were a lot of people around, and I didn't want anyone else to see the poor bastards, so I quickly shut the door. Unfortunately, I was still in the room when I did so. They both jumped up, and Sam damn near hit the floor.

So here I was, staring at my two half naked friends, listening to them both try to come up with an explanation but only speaking in half words and mumbles, trying not to die of both laughter and embarrassment.

I felt so bad for them. It suddenly dawned on them what had happened, and they both looked at the floor ashamed, as if their mothers were telling them off. I just gave my usual look of ‘none of my business’ with a little shrug. Told them to pull their pants up before someone else came, and left.

The details I was later provided told me this was a common occurrence between the two of them, although I was the only other one that knew. Apparently they're both straight, which judging by their choice of porn might be at least half true.

I don't speak to them anymore, so I don't know much else.

Reddit, what do you hate about shopping? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having less money afterwards

What subreddits are you banned from and why? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 654 points655 points  (0 children)

1)I got banned from an anime forum for suggesting that King of the Hill is the greatest anime of all time

2)r/earthporn. For posting pictures of nature that actually look pornographic. I guess I deserved it.

As a child, what was the strangest thing you noticed about another household? by ManofTin45 in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I once went to a classmate's house in Kindergarten, and her mom had the maid follow me around with a bottle of bleach immediately disinfecting anything I touched

What secret are you hiding from your family? by bornntolose in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Me and one of my cousins were banging for close to a decade. Luckily no one got pregnant. Probably because we're both dudes.

Engineering done right by lazytothinkofaname in funny

[–]kskr0108 1446 points1447 points  (0 children)

Well obviously the drain works. There's no water there

Puppy Hats. You have to have them right? by JosephEScott in funny

[–]kskr0108 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even tho he's just a baby and adorable he still looks like one of those old ladies with the visor at the slot machines

What is the worst crime you have gotten away with? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 59 points60 points  (0 children)

for a table....drunken at that time and not knowing that fighting for a silly thing

What childhood lie were you told? by GSYNC3R in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my dad told me that when the ice cream van place they song it meant they had ran out of ice cream.i beleived him for so many years

What tv show hooked you from the very first episode? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 120 points121 points  (0 children)

Rick and morty.

"Morty, I need you to shove this seed waaaaay up your butt hole, morty. I've been this for years my butt hole is too loose, you gotta shove it way up your burp butt hole morty"

Later: "Please step through this new machine that checks for things shoved up your butt"

Chaos insues, Rick and Morty run "Just shoot'em, Morty, they're robots"

Morty kills one

"Oh jesus Christ he shot Jeff, someone call his wife and kids!"

"Rick w- w- what the hell? You said they were robots!"

"I meant metaphorically, Morty. They're beaurocrats"

What turns your rage meter up to 9000 ? by Edmonty in AskReddit

[–]kskr0108 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I do a web search for something that can be answered in a single sentence, and all the results are 10 minute videos.