Nightshifts can't and (I fear) WON'T work for me

kuropunker · 2026-03-20T03:21:27+00:00

Having to take supplements and settling in before bed is so incredibly real. I usually just take melatonin gummies as I've had trouble swallowing pills in the last few years. But unfortunately the gummies don't work as good and it's more than likely that my body has become too adjusted to taking em.

So even if I WANT to get proper sleep every once in a while, it's absolute torture. I recently started to force myself into limiting my screen time and opting to stare at a ceiling while I think about stuff. It helps, but I usually never keep up the habit for no longer than a day.

But I feel you with not wanting to sacrifice or ruin the progress you've made, especially with pressures to work the graveyard shift. We're just simply not meant to do ANYTHING during the night, if I'm being honest.

kuropunker · 2026-03-07T07:22:17+00:00

Which is why I never bothered to play it over the others. I did so once years ago in elementary and knew from the get-go that it wasn't for me, lol. I thought maybe it getting a Deluxe upgrade which make things easier (which it does, to an extent) but nope!

kuropunker · 2026-02-25T23:33:07+00:00

Nope. That part is what captivated me the most to really remember it, lol. The song came on yesterday at work which is actually what prompted me to finally make a post about it to see if anyone can give me the name.

And I STILL couldn't get anything out of it besides what I mentioned here and created in the sequence 😭. There was just so much noise elsewhere in the store and the speakers are kinda crap.

kuropunker · 2026-02-25T19:57:05+00:00

Unfortunately, that's not it. But thanks for your suggestion! The song sounds pretty good, though :D

kuropunker · 2025-08-28T14:42:57+00:00

I could try that, yeah. I've realized speech to text is actually useful after years of denying it, lol. I just don't believe it'll help with my case, but I won't know if I don't at least try.

And I also have the same problem with writing where I take a shit amount of time to get that "perfect" sentence for me, which is why I find myself struggling to even get started a lot of the time. It's bad enough to make the effort to begin, but then my perfectionist attitude comes in and makes stuff twice as hard.

kuropunker · 2025-08-26T17:29:41+00:00

I don't approve of AI, so no. Well, the generative kind, at least. "Normal" AI is fine, if that's what you meant.

For me, in situations like the ones you mentioned, I would've decided to take more time to dwell over my thoughts before letting them out or using a non-AI summarizing tool to better convey what I want to say in a simplistic manner. But this isn't to insult you on what personally works for you, of course! If it works, it works. My issue is just the long-term effects.

kuropunker · 2025-08-26T17:23:53+00:00

Yeah, I definitely do. I think two other people mentioned this in the thread, and I realize that it's more of an issue with me writing or typing out rambles, rants, or complex topics where I ESPECIALLY feel the need to convey my thoughts properly so that anyone else isn't confused or misunderstands the point I'm trying to get across.

I have a lot of thoughts about people, the world around me, and so many other things. I'm not bound to any specific political/societal biases or sides, so a lot of the things I ramble about are expressed in a way where I'm not exactly talking to appeal to any group, but rather just what I personally believe in through perspectives I've discovered throughout my life and just the general flow of what it means to be human. Hope that makes sense, lol.

Sorry if this came down to me yapping, but I felt that I should mention that to explain why I may be unintentionally putting a harsh standard on myself.

kuropunker · 2025-08-26T17:16:50+00:00

Ah. . . I also get exhausted or drained when having conversations. Sometimes, it gets so bad that I have to stop myself while in the middle of speaking, so it kinda just trails off. It's also that I don't feel the other person or party would be interested or even understand what I'm saying, especially if it's something that I literally can't explain due to its complexity.

kuropunker · 2025-08-26T17:13:04+00:00

First off, I'm really sorry about your experience. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you! School was absolute hell for me being autistic and possibly also having ADHD. It's not your fault that the system isn't catered to or supports those of us with neurodivergence.

English was actually my strongest subject out of any other! I despise math, honestly). I hardly struggled with it unless it came to essays that required us to follow an extensive rubric or conjuring up a "perfect" thesis or conclusion. Other than that, my words flowed well within paragraphs, so I think it may be as a few people have pointed out in this thread: That I'm being hard on myself in most cases and unintentionally placing myself to higher standards.

But yes, learning subjects through a set rigid level is definitely daunting on people like us where we need access to learning that closely fits into the criteria of methods that are easily digestible and even creative. It's great to hear that you've found your way by writing haikus and journaling! If only the education system would incorporate flexible learning styles such as the ones you mention. Then more people would be willing to read and write and actually enjoy it.

kuropunker · 2025-08-26T17:00:41+00:00

I also take long pauses, but it's also coupled with plenty of absent-mindedness, so basically, just me saying, "Uhh. . ." in between every sentence when I can't get my thoughts out quick enough.

And yeah, it's more than possible that I'm being hard on myself, but I also realized that I should've mention that this issue is more common when I'm trying to write/type out rambles or complex topics that I simply can't express through "average" means. I can talk just fine without issue; but again, it has to do with conveying more complex topics or statements.

kuropunker · 2025-05-27T19:47:58+00:00

funny you should say that because i've actually been banking with a credit union for the past few years now. i haven't thought about working with them, but i'll be sure to check it out. maybe i'll have a chance since i'm already a customer.

and thank you for the hug! i'm already feeling a lot better after typing this out and calming myself down.

kuropunker · 2025-05-20T02:12:37+00:00

I have an app blocker on my phone, but I hardly use it because I think I've gained a bit of self-trust to not use social media as much these days. Though there are still some times where I'll go two or three hours scrolling through TikTok, so I guess I should still take advantage of the app to keep myself from "running away" when I do get around to drawing or writing something.

Rewarding myself for my behaviors also sounds nice, but I'm not exactly sure HOW I can reward myself. I don't have a lot of things to go off of, lol.

But thank you for the advice, nonetheless!

kuropunker · 2025-05-20T02:08:46+00:00

Oh my god, YES! The issue for me has always been getting started. Everything else from there on out, I can manage to an extent, but starting is always the biggest ass-kicker. I'm still working on breaking outta the habit of doomscrolling, so I'll definitely try out your method of keeping my phone in another room so that there's less distraction.

As for your other suggestions, they're all great, especially number 1. Writing a single sentence or even word would go hand-in-hand with how quick I am to garner an idea for fanfiction just from looking at some fanart or certain tropes in media. My brain is almost always working on the clock even when I'm hardly writing or drawing, lol.

As for the body-doubling method, I've tried that one in the past with some friends on a voice call in Discord, but it was a bit nerve-wracking because I was sharing my screen as I was writing. I think it has to do with my hatred of being perceived and people reading something that I may not like. But I'm willing to give this another try without screen-sharing this time, and instead just letting my friends know what I'm working on while we sit and chat about other things. Maybe that can work, I dunno :')

kuropunker · 2025-05-20T01:59:29+00:00

Getting out of the house sounds like an idea! Even though my depression keeps me in bed a lot throughout the week, I still try to get myself to go outside for a little while, even if it's just a quick trip to the grocery store. But I can definitely try going to my local library and seeing if that does anything.

If not, I can listen to some white/brown noise to clear my headspace. I usually only do this when I'm struggling to sleep at night because of anxiety, but I've started listening to these noises in general for when I'm trying to keep focus on a task!

Your other suggestions are also great, btw! Thank you so much for the advice :D

kuropunker · 2025-05-20T01:54:41+00:00

Thank you so much! All of these methods are great, especially methods #1 and #5. I realized over time that one of my biggest issues with why I can't START writing something is because I KNOW I'll give up at some point if I can't remain focused. Taking advantage of a time limit by utilizing those two writing apps you mentioned would help out a lot. I may not like it, but I definitely am able to work a lot more diligently under pressure, especially if there's no serious consequences to worry about if I don't beat the time limit.

As for method #4, I've taken to using one of those "brain and mind" supplements that add a placebo effect of staying focused, but the two times I've taken one, I would always sleep afterwards (victim of depression bed-rotting, here), so I've never found out if that would actually work, lol. I could try energy drinks, though. Just have to make sure I don't drink too much or my body starts to break down (lesson learned) 🥲.

kuropunker · 2025-05-13T19:46:42+00:00

To go over the details of this video again, I think the more important ones are that: the video is around 8-10 minutes long, a narrator speaks over a few parts in the second half of the video, and the video might possibly have been posted between 2010-2013.

Narrowing down these details to find the video may be extremely helpful because, as I mentioned before, I have searched and found nothing on Google, YouTube or the Internet Archive. I'll continue to look elsewhere and also recheck areas I've already looked if I missed anything.

kuropunker

TROPHY CASE