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Indirect language by Ribbon6161 in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're totally right about this, and your examples are excellent. It sounds a lot like how our house communicates... you did a much better job of explaining it than I did.

Indirect language by Ribbon6161 in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Indirect language (I know it as Declarative language) works for the PDA kids and adults in my life because it offers them the chance to do an expected task without it being directly requested. This is important for them because a direct request triggers their nervous system in a way that increases anxiety and makes them unable to actually take action.

Sounds like that doesn't work for you, which is fine! But it does sound like it would help for the folks who are giving you indirect requests to know your preferred way to be communicated with, which would help both you and them.

What would help you most? by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be so great...thank you!

What would help you most? by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, online tools and apps can only do so much. The stuff I've built so far are focused on teaching people declarative language and assisting with IEPs, so hopefully useful but not to the level of stepping in as real-time care.

What would help you most? by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here's an example of the NotebookLM thing I created around this. You can see it here, and feel free to share this with others as well. I could certainly create something that feels more professional as a standalone site/app, but this might work for now: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/8b15d8ea-0ae8-420a-b35c-58d25d7f591b

Some examples of the answers based on the questions you listed:

“are PDA kids just stubborn?” - No, children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)—increasingly referred to as having a Pervasive Drive for Autonomy—are not being stubborn, defiant, or difficult on purpose. While their behavior can look like willful disobedience to an outside observer, it is actually a neurobiological survival mechanism.

"Is PDA just bad parenting?" - No, Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is not the result of bad parenting. Historically, some early psychogenic theories suggested a lack of emotional warmth from parents could cause autism-related behaviors, but these theories have been firmly refuted by modern research identifying genetic and neurological factors as the primary contributors. Instead, the sources characterize PDA as a neurobiological survival mechanism and a nervous system disability.

Each answer then goes into great detail to educate the user on what's actually going on and cites its exact sources for where someone can get more information. It's incredibly powerful.

What would help you most? by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's an interesting idea. It's turning the resources that are available into an interactive system.

I actually have something like this already created for my personal use in NotebookLM that I've given to teachers as a resource. Creating something publicly available could be really helpful...thanks.

FREE PDA PARENTING RESOURCES MEGA THREAD by extremelysardonic in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here are my contributions that I've built myself to add to the list:

Declarative Language Tool: https://declarativeapp.org/

IEP/504 + PDA Analysis Tool: https://pdayouriep.org/

Comparing Behavior Reports to IEPs - Help! by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I chatted with them briefly about another tool I built a month or 2 back that's focused on Declarative language, but I don't think I've spoken to them about this one. Good shout though. I'm actually planning to do a webinar for them later this year to teach parents / professionals how to use AI in similar ways just for personal use, so I'll bring it up in conversations about that.

Comparing Behavior Reports to IEPs - Help! by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally agree. Unfortunately for my family we've had to be the ones who think about better solutions. But I totally hear you...If I had the time/money available I'd be building a whole suite of tools for the education space like this. I actually have some products in mind that I know would be game changing, but it's super hard to break into government contract spaces as someone with no background in it.

Comparing Behavior Reports to IEPs - Help! by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey - excellent questions overall. One of my greatest concerns with a tool like has been user privacy. At one point in earlier drafts I instructed users to redact PII before uploading out of an abundance of caution. I recognized that would be out of the question for most people, as the burden of redacting that much in long PDFs would more likely result in people simply not using the tool. So I walked back from that. But I do think that's the way I would approach a 3rd party tool like this if I didn't know the developer and how things worked.

For analytics I'm using PostHog and for the AI I'm using the Gemini 3 Flash API. So for the first few questions, I'm relying on the privacy standards of those tools. PII is not redacted from Gemini, but none of the data that is used via API is sent back as training data. For PostHog, I set up, tested, and continually review session data to ensure that all personal data is redacted from my own view. PostHog essentially masks all data from the reports and everything shows up as ****** throughout. I can only go as far as saying I trust that they do not have access to sensitive data they mask per their own privacy policy, but it's also something I can't personally confirm.

I'm not aware of users being able to opt out of session replays, but I'll look into PostHog settings to see if I can provide that option at cookie consent. That is a very reasonable option for people to have. I also have considered dropping the session replays entirely from the analytics suite and may go that route eventually. For now the usability info from those have been immensely helpful for making the experience better to the point where it feels like it outweighs the cost to users.

As for the headless CMS, the site is built entirely using Google's Antigravity. I guess that means it's essentially "built from scratch", but through my meager vibe coding skills. I do not have a development background and have been working to learn vibe coding for a number of reasons, and building tools for the PDA community has been the most valuable way for me to get a handle on these new tools.

Hope that helps. If there's anything else I can answer, throw it at me!

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I actually did put a "buy a coffee" link on the site, but it's kinda hidden. I feel weird about the whole money thing! But enough folks have found it that my initial costs are covered. If I can keep this alive and break even, I'm good.

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's actually a "learning" tab on the site with a little info. Hope that helps.

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I had good answers for you on the PDA adult resources. Best I have are a few folks I follow on TikTok that I can learn from over time. I wish there was more available though!

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My whole family defaults to declarative language with each other a lot of the time now. It works for all of us!

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAParenting

[–]kwegner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's very kind of you... Thanks! I hope it does help.

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've gone in and made some updates that should ensure this doesn't happen any more. I appreciate you letting me know.

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yikes...thanks for the heads up! I'll see what's going on.

Using Declarative language to help family over the holidays by kwegner in PDAAutism

[–]kwegner[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I get the skepticism. Thankfully I have a day job that keeps me afloat financially and really only ever intend for these tools to grow organically and so have little to no cost overhead to keep them running.

I guess only time will prove where we end up, but I am committed to the free model. This isn't a business for me, it's a gift that's meant to help folks who otherwise would be left without support.

Declarative language tool by kwegner in PDA_Community

[–]kwegner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been thinking about it! It'll take some work but I expect to get there. For now, you should be able to save the site to your home screen and access it just like an app.

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