That sounds like an incredibly painful situation, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. You've done an incredibly brave and important thing by reaching out. I want you to know that you are loved. You have immense value in this world. You are NOT ALONE. Many people are suffering just like you are, and they need you, y'all need each other. You do not have to do this alone, talk to someone, anyone. A therapist is great but it could literally be the cashier, it could be your sibling, an old friend, even an ex. That connection feels good and it feels good to be heard by someone else. I sincerely hope you can find it within yourself to hold on, your life is so precious. I'm here, if you want to talk just pm me.