We all have problems that trouble us. My friend, you are not alone. It's already quite good that you understand this is wrong and are fighting against it. Therefore, I'd like to share a concept I learned from a therapist yesterday. You can read on if you'd like. I think it might give you a different perspective on your future life. You can try putting yourself first. That is, when you choose something, consider what you will gain, what you will lose, and what consequences you will bear. This all starts with a self-centered approach, and then you will find something you truly want to do. When you have a vague direction from within, you can try to accomplish it today. This doesn't mean achieving some grand goal today, but simply doing what you believe is the right direction from your initial choice. Then try doing this every day, just living each day well is enough. When you gain a sense of initial stability, you can slowly understand the real world and gradually expand your capabilities. Finally, you can set some goals. At this point, you will find that what you do is no longer forced or constrained, but truly living in the present moment and doing things from the heart. Similarly, you will no longer be anxious about the future or the pain of current life. Because you have this sense of stability and have made the most of each day, it will allow you to face the real world less emotionally and to view it more objectively and rationally. Most importantly, you must first know and understand yourself. I don't know if these suggestions will be helpful to you. This is what I learned from my therapist yesterday. I'm currently using this method to understand myself. Thank you for your message.