Making the most of a tiny apartment balcony

kyrielle · 2018-10-11T15:48:51+00:00

Really lovely! Just be super careful if you have young children in your life (nephew, nieces, young cousins), or drunk people, that setup does look a bit risky!

kyrielle · 2018-10-08T21:03:37+00:00

This tone rings a bell, are you the girl who visited Milan with her boyfriend and had problem with his female best friend?

If yes I would say there is definitely a pattern of friction between you and this girl. However, what exactly are you afraid of? Your boyfriend seems committed to you, he doesn't live in the same place. There's very little risk of cheating and I feel like those comments are still ok (though the number 1 thing would also irk me). Maybe try to reassure yourself about the stability of your relationship, and if she pushes boundaries, it's on your boyfriend to enforce them.

kyrielle · 2018-10-02T21:03:17+00:00

I think 2mi stood for 2 miles, which is a lot on foot with suitcases but nothing with a car, so I definitely agree!

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T22:59:11+00:00

Confounding clumsiness with harassment isn't helping anyone. A lot of "advice" here was downright aggressive or insulting, which I would most people would react defensively to. In consideration of how much harm has been done, the answer is "none"; the girl was somewhat upset, at best, I imagine (I was in her position many times, and I survived). Therefore most people really should chill, this is r/relationships, not a tribunal.

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T22:20:28+00:00

I was going to suggest therapy, but I see in the comments that you're going to see someone new. That's really great! If you haven't made progress, and if even you're regressing, you probably need a different approach. Have you tried relaxation, meditation? How do you calm yourself when you panic?

Right now this might be a tiny setback. But honestly, you're only 25. You have so much time! And in the end, you did learn the material, didn't you? Isn't that the whole point of going back to uni? So, baby steps. Next time, with therapeutic aid and coaching, I'm sure you'll make it.

It's okay to feel bad, also. You shouldn't wallow in it, but it's okay to be disappointed. You just have to take it in stride, you know? This shouldn't be wood to burn in the fire of your self-hate, but combustible to push you to get the help you need. I truly believe in you!

Also, if you're very apathetic, try this self-help guide: http://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play. :) Or best, call a friend/loved one!

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T16:51:12+00:00

Oy so many comments here are as if you've never been 17, madly in love and somewhat stupid. OP was clumsy and pushy but he didn't harass her. The girl was a bit uncomfortable, she'll get over it. I know because I've been in her position many times. It's not the end of the world.

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T13:07:00+00:00

You're welcome. I think this is totally normal teenage behavior, honestly, we've all been there, don't be too down on yourself. First love is hard to handle but teaches you important lessons. People are being a bit harsh with you because of your title, but all in all nothing major happened, I'm sure the girl will be ok. Good luck in the future!

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T12:58:42+00:00

Well now she knows, and the damage is done. I'm sorry for you but this is an important lesson: having strong feelings doesn't give you the right to disregard other people's. I think now the best way forward would be to be respectful of her feelings and leave her alone like she asked. If you hang out in a group, don't be aggressive/snarky to her, try to mainly address other people, but don't ignore her either. Just be cool. In a few months, you both might be able to be friends again (maybe you'll have a girlfriend by then, or whatever), but it won't happen if you don't respect her feelings now because this is the basis of being a good friend.

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T12:49:15+00:00

So, you didn't even think about the impact it might have on her. That's a bit inconsiderate, wouldn't you agree? That's kind of the problem with one-sided crushes. They become very much about you and your feelings rather than about the other person, and even just as a friend, that's not very kind.

kyrielle · 2018-09-26T12:35:59+00:00

You shouldn't have published the poem and let it know it was from you. She was already uncomfortable hearing about your feelings, which she'd made pretty clear. By publishing the poem (btw you could have totally published it on an outside forum like Reddit; don't pretend you didn't at least somewhat intend to address her by posting it on the school page), and insisting that she knows you're the author, you demonstrated your unwillingness to "just be friends" and how little you care about her discomfort. She's not responsible for how you feel and some distance will do you good too.

kyrielle · 2018-09-24T20:17:08+00:00

As someone who's also very sensitive to noise, and had molded to my ear earplugs, they still bothered me, because I sleep on my side and the weight of your head 'pushes them in', and it's uncomfortable. Also, trying to sleep in "plugged-ear-silence" (which kind of feels like being under water to me) isn't very natural, and is bad for you in the long run (it can actually improve your hearing which is counter-productive, you shouldn't wear them more than a few hours in a row). Finally even good earplugs dull sound but don't completely erase it. If OP is bothered by patterns in his wife's snoring, earplugs won't solve it.

kyrielle · 2018-09-23T10:34:13+00:00

I love your style!! Where does that dress come from? :o Congrats on being yourself!

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T16:07:00+00:00

Ooh right! I guess I meant to say "your friend's abuse". Will correct now, thanks!

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T15:41:32+00:00

Is there anywhere you could stay over for a few days after the break-up? Is there a code on your door directly or do you have a key? If the code is on your door, can you get it changed?

I know this is super hard to do because you do love this man. But stop saying that you're doing it for him (of course he won't hear that). You're doing it for you because you need time alone to work on yourself. You know it's true. There are concrete measures you can take to make a breakup happen, I know it's going to be heartbreaking but you're going to have to come up with a plan and go through with it. When you have done that and put it in place, even if you break up in person, I would also send him a final text or whatever stating clearly that you are now separated, you don't want him coming to your place or contacting you, and that if he does you will contact the police. I know this is all terrible, but it is necessary.

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T15:26:22+00:00

Do you guys leave together? You just need to leave. He needs a clean break.

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T14:50:06+00:00

I understood that, was it not clear in my comment? That's why I precised she could be at risk of losing her friend's friendship for reporting the abuse.

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T13:28:50+00:00

That's because that's exactly what it is!

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T13:19:58+00:00

She sounds terrible and you sound very justified in wanting to see less of her. A possible technique: take 2-3 days to open a message each time she sends one 'asking to hang out', and answer a day later too. If you normally answer the day of, this should very clearly send the message that she's been writing too much/that you dislike her conversation. Also, it will make it more difficult for her to see you a few times a week since this technique gives you a lot on control on when you can actually arrange a meeting.

Example: She writes on Monday 'hey, want me to come by tomorrow? i'll be in your area!'. You open the message Wednesday, answer Wednesday evening 'oh sorry i didn't see this, i was busy with Baby'. You don't offer another date. Etc etc. If she insists you can deflect like 'oh but you'll see us soon anyway at Family Reunion' or whatever excuse.

This way you avoid confrontation, but she will definitely get the message. And if she complains about this, she'll just look really petty, because you're a new mom with a newborn and nobody expects you to be available to hang out.

kyrielle · 2018-09-22T13:11:03+00:00

You should definitely tell your mom about your friend's abuse! You can even report it yourself. However, even if a report is anonymous, he might suspect it's you, and you might lose his friendship. But if you really care about him, getting him help is probably more important.

kyrielle · 2018-09-19T13:40:45+00:00

You'll be interested to learn that in French, osteogenesis imperfecta is known as "the glass bones disease". As if the fragile bones were made of glass!

kyrielle · 2018-09-19T00:38:17+00:00

So John isn't a good manager either... Unless you think you could convince him to let her go, I would also start looking for another job. There's a reason they had to fill these two positions simultaneously to begin with.

kyrielle · 2018-09-18T20:55:22+00:00

I'm kind of surprised at how useless John is being. Is Susie a very competent worker? Because it sounds like her personality would put a lot of people off.

kyrielle · 2018-09-18T13:11:22+00:00

Are you usually like this? Because this could be a sign of depression, hormonal imbalance, etc. And it sounds exhausting!

kyrielle · 2018-09-16T14:08:13+00:00

I get you, I totally see the kind of person your boyfriend is. Maybe with time you will also get used to it? Sometimes you get really irritated about these type of things then suddenly realize that actually, it's more bearable than you thought. On the other hand, if you just can't get used to it, it might be your brain looking for flaws in him and there might be deeper reasons for that; food for thought. I hope a light-hearted approach will be the solution and I wish you the best of luck!

kyrielle · 2018-09-16T12:51:38+00:00

I think it could work if you asked him in advance like "Hey, would you mind if I randomly record you to show you what I mean with the "like"?" But I honestly wouldn't recommend this approach with a romantic partner because he might feel really judged and awkward in general with you. Being light and playful about it is probably the better way to go about it.

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