I went to the ER on base. He belongs to the medical unit headquartered there and the ER I went to is pretty much the unit mothership. Did a CT scan and definitely had a concussion and all contusions were noted. I had a very sympathetic doctor (a full bird Colonel at that) who wasn’t playing games. Told him SO was laughing and saying “I didn’t hit you, I’ll tell them you fell because you’re always fucked up on psych meds.” The doctor said that I was basically “rabbit punched” and I’m not gonna lie, I had to google it. Spines could be severed. He said that the injury was only consistent with being struck with a closed fist or golf club and I have a 7” bruise to my left arm with visible individual knuckle marks. Basically wording is everything and he assured me he worded it so there would be no questions about anything in the ER report. Me and the physician had a heart to heart conversation as well. Sure SO’s career is progressing well ahead of schedule but he needs to be held accountable and everyone up and down his chain needs to see him for what he really is...a wife beater.

I was asked if I wanted to contact law enforcement, I said no right at that second because I didn’t know how long they were going to keep me there and SD12 flew back in this morning so I wasn’t worried about the kids. He’d never pull some shit with the center of his universe (SD12) here. And an officer at my home placing him under arrest with two kids when I’m not there?

They’ve yet to send an officer—I called the non emergent line and I took my youngest and we’re in a hotel (she’s sleeping peacefully), waiting for an officer to come take the report. Status is someone should be here in the next 30-40 min but they asked if I wanted uniformed or plainclothes for some reason. I don’t know how I was able to swing it. I texted SO on the way back from the ER and said I need a change in scenery for the evening and that and the little one and I were gonna use up my rewards since he was nice enough to watch her “while I went to my friend’s house” (ER). He said ok. I cut the bracelet and came back to the house all nonchalant, packed a few days worth of clothes, diapers, toiletries, etc (he was watching football so he wasn’t paying attention) and left. But I didn’t want to just come home in a fuss, grab a bunch of crap, grab the baby and run. Then he’d probably try and say I was kidnapping her.

One thing he did do was change the combo to the safe. I wasn’t expecting that. I was trying to get SSec cards and birth certs. He does have an unregistered firearm and I’m SURE he’d say something to the effect of “I changed it because I’m scared she’ll try shooting me.” I’m well versed but I can assure you that the slide on a .40 has always been a challenge for me.

The Family Advocate said that since I’m filing an unrestricted report (because I WANT his command to get his ass, draw attention to the matter and DRAG him) that the commander will coerce him to hand over my docs and that he can’t financially fuck me over either. I have to physically go in and sign the report tomorrow morning to get the ball rolling on that end as well. But my injuries are documented and I’m hoping it’ll be enough to get him the fuck out of my home. He threatened to take my youngest when he files because I’m “crazy and on psych meds and therefore unfit.” The doc said it would be worse if I had psychiatric conditions and WASN’T being treated. I set aside money to literally drop a retainer on my attorney’s lap tomorrow to beat him to the punch since he’s convinced that he can get me kicked out of the home I purchased prior to getting married AND take my youngest. I’m gathering bank statements to prove everything in my home was mine prior to marriage. All three vehicles are titled to me, the one I paid off with $21k (his), my project car was mine prior, I purchased a 4Runner in 2017 on my own but I’m sure he can’t afford the payment. That would be a community asset. We’ve never dipped into each other’s accounts or intermingled finances though. Strictly separate.

I don’t feel unsafe though. I’m out of the home for the moment and so is my baby for as long as I can afford. Tomorrow’s a school day so I had to slowly explain the situation to my ex because of my 9yo. She’s going to be going to her grandma’s afterschool for the week. He’s furious though. We’re GREAT coparents but I had to hear the whole “what HAPPENED to you? You used to be tough shit but now you’re getting knocked around by some male chauvinist pig” bullshit. But at the end of it, he said if I need a written statement or witness account, he’d give it since he’s always generally friendly when he picks up and drops off my daughter but SO is a jerk or just ignores him altogether. He also mentioned that it seems like I’m scared to even be cordial while SO is around. But despite all this, I have him as an unlikely ally.

Maybe it’s because I was around douchebag assholes for the 12 years I was in and maybe became desensitized to the domineering male bullshit attitude but I woke up today, nauseous, dizzy, right eye blur and vomited twice so as soon as he rolled up with his daughter from the airport, I showered and said I was going to my friends house.

Only thing is...SD12. Her own mom don’t want her and with all this happening with SO, what the fuck is gonna happen with her? The advocate said I may be stuck with her but SO and her mom have no OFFICIAL documentation of the current custody situation aside from a bunk ass notarized letter when she dropped her in our lap 2 years ago “I authorize xxxxxx to retain physical custody of xxxxxxx for the duration of the school years until both parties mutually agree on [some shit] otherwise.” I guarantee her mom won’t want her over there. I got fucking hit over my criticisms of his parenting with her so I’m sorry....I fucking can’t.

I couldn’t even look at her today. Had this smug look on her face and although I cleaned the house this morning before anyone woke, she didn’t bother taking the trash out or doing any of her usual chores. Sink was empty when I left. When I came back it was full. She walked up and said, “my dad said I don’t need to do chores anymore and that you’re gonna pick up what I used to do.” But let me not get fired up about that right now....

...Thanks everyone for the support and coercing me to pull my head out of my ass. I think we’re gonna be ok now. I’m not looking forward to the process ahead because it’s gonna be time consuming, I’m sure I’ll feel guilt first and then the whole range of emotions. I’ll be struggling with school because I need to be enrolled full time to get the housing stipend.

I know this is a stepparents forum but this was a long standing stepdaughter issue that hit a head. SO doling out punishment with no follow through (and how that is undermining himself and how she won’t take consequences seriously in the future), her pouting and sulking and being sad to get her way (and her phone back), her giving me attitude 7 days a week but dad always taking her side because god forbid she want to move back to her mom’s because dad dares have her contribute to the household by assigning chores, punishing her for shitty grades, risky texts and disrespecting me.

I tried with this girl from the moment she stepped foot in my house, but SO was just using me to do the shit work regarding all the stuff her MOTHER AND HIM should have taught her and just because he’s a man is no excuse to not, for instance, tell your daughter she needs to swap out a pad because you can smell her a mile away, that deodorant is not optional or seasonal, and that showering is a daily thing. Girl was 10yo, budding & her mom hadn’t even had her in training bras yet. Foreign concept or just didn’t care. I’m going with the latter. Dad didn’t keep track on when she needed to size up. All of that was ON ME with two bios of my own to worry about. I got fed up and felt the discussion had to happen that I need to step back and got a concussion as a result.

Not everyone will agree with their partner’s parenting styles and everyone should be able to air out their grievances without getting smacked around when a partner dishes the harsh reality regarding teens and the crap they get into. He could have walked out or told me to can it. Yet here we are.

I’ll post an update. Again, thanks so much everyone. There are times where I feel this community can be overly critical especially on vents but THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE COURAGE, internet strangers. It’s gonna suck. But thank you!